I was perfectly fine for a while. I worked fast, didn't get in trouble for my work, I emailed constantly. I even got a bonus that I used to fund a few therapy sessions cause they were supposed to be good for you. I just thought they would be talks about emotions but I only went for a few days. I got told that I don't have agoraphobia, I have something called anthropophobia. It was the first time I heard the definition of some stupid phobia and it fit, first time I didn't feel like it was judgement. It didn't take me long to stop the therapy though, I did my own research to find out more about his job, and it's all judgement. His job was to sit there and judge me for hours on end and then tell me he wouldn't judge me. A wolf in sheep's clothing, I should never have trusted them.
Life got a little better after a few weeks of reading more books online about mental and physical health, benefits of structure, a few on mental physical relation in health. I started exercising a little extra if I was unhappy since one of the books said that exercise can boost mood. I fixed my food since I wasn't getting the vitamins to be happy or have the proper function to be happy, I went back to card games for entertainment. I was smiling a lot more, I had to take out mirrors from the bathroom though, As I got healthier I started to look different and didn't want the eyes from the mirror to look at me and judge what it saw. I was in a much better place after months and months of not doing anything to help myself. I found a study that said if I smiled more then I'd be happier so I did that, I tried to reconnect with a lot of the people online that I shut off, at least a few of them, the ones that won't judge me.
It took 3 long and sweaty months but I was back at a healthy weight, I slept well again, my food was good again. I was even talking to people instead of just sitting quietly in a dark room working. My work even improved, I was able to work way easier, emails were something I even looked forward to since I got back to conversations, I didn't have to figure things out on my own anymore, I just needed to ask the right people the right questions. None of them could even judge me either, they can't see me, I stayed kind to everyone and I finished my work efficiently so there was no reason to. Looking back they still could've heavily judged me but I'm happy that I didn't think about that being an option back then, I needed the high note of that period, I think that despite not liking therapy at the time that if I hadn't gone to that therapist to hear what I didn't want, I would've died eventually.