This was so embarrassing, I can not believe that for a moment I thought I was going to die, I was so shocked that I couldn't even think straight!
It started when I noticed something strange was happening to me and my body. I was preparing to go out and join Raelian and his grace for tea, but something felt wrong, I didn't give too much thought about it and the beginning but later the pain was increasing and I couldn't stand it any longer. I left without saying a word and this also worried Raelian and Spencer.
"Raelian, I'm so sorry! I'm so pathetic, you had to put up with me and I worried not only you but everyone else, about such a stupid thing. You might think I'm an idiot, right? But I promise I will change, I will do my best to not show such a disgraceful sight ever again! "
"You don't need to be so hard on yourself, it happens to the best of us! I like you better like this so you don't need to go as far as to change because of a mere mistake. "
'I feel so dumb for bursting out crying for something like this, I even said those things to her about it, "I feel happy with you two and I don't want those beautiful memories to be forgotten". Ack…! Why am I so childish? I am so lucky that Raelian is not the type of person to make fun of someone, but I was supposed to be the one who took care of her, who is much younger than me. But instead of doing so, I am getting spoiled by her and everyone around me. I feel so useless for just receiving so much and not doing anything to make her life easier. '
Still, she said that she likes me the way I am now, I can't with her, she is way too kind. Even though I have been living together with Raelian, it is still hard for me to understand her feelings and thoughts. She always shows no reaction at all, but sometimes she smiles at me, but every time she does that, she has a look like is about to cry.
'Is it even possible, that someone can look that sad even when their smile? Is just like she is obligated to. '
Not to mention her anger issues! She never got angry at me in particular, but looking at Spencer and her talking to each other or when someone in the city wanted to start a conversation with her, made me see a lot of stages she goes through. If she is pissed or doesn't like the way the other person is talking to her, she starts being ironic and wants to make the other person feel uncomfortable. If that continues, she gets bored and starts to make them feel bad for themselves. Sometimes that was enough to make the other one go away and leave her alone, but with Spencer on the other hand, it was a whole different story.
'Well I was lucky she never gave me the opportunity to experience that kind of thing, but that look when she came into the room and all the time I was silent, she scared me.'
I didn't know what to do and the pain I was feeling was not helping me think clearly. But I am happy that she stays with me, smiles when I talk about my day, and is there every time I need her. But I am horrified by the fact that no one knows what she thinks and doesn't know what to expect from her.
Since she has quite the character and wants to have the upper hand in every situation, I'm afraid she will get hurt when someone will put her into a corner and she will not know what to do, just to explode in rage.
'But if I don't change, who am I to talk? I need to help her as well, because if all the weight goes to her, then it will be harder for her to make the right decisions. I should help, but how? '
"Mireya are you all right? I know you feel pain and you may also be overwhelmed by what happened, but when the maids are suffocating you have to make them obey more forcefully and not stand as a victim in front of them."
'Is the same, she doesn't have any reaction, she knows what I'm thinking but I don't! Getting angry and being blurt to someone are the same anyway, you can not see any emotions on her face and this makes her more unpredictable and scarier. But I know that she is not going to do anything to me, she doesn't have a reason, and I am not going to give her one. '
"I-I don't know! I felt like the whole world collapsed upside down. I feel like crying every time I think of their words. I know that I should not act like a victim, but the thought that maybe one day after my birthday, I will have to get away from you, from everything I call precious, is painful and totally new for me. "
"Mireya please look at me! Everything they said is true. One day you may have to leave this place and us, so you can create a family. But this doesn't mean that there is no other way to avoid this, after all, you are the one who chooses, right? "
'If there is a way to stop that thing from happening, I will do anything. Raelian doesn't suggest something without thinking about the possibilities first, if she says there is a way out, then it is true. Otherwise, she wouldn't have gotten this far without a plan. And surely she would never do anything to hurt me, right? '
"What, what it is, I will do everything just to make it possible for it not to happen. Raelian please tell me! "
I was very happy that Raelian had thought of something to help me, it gave me more courage on myself, to make a difference, so I could also give my contribution to whatever she was doing. I will not be sold again to anyone else, to be just an object to give birth and raise children. Eventually one day I will create my own family, but not now!
But more than that, she smiled this time, unlike the others, this was not sad and not a proper smile either. But I was fine with that, I knew everything would go well after that smile.
[Do you think that she would be fine if you do this? I noticed that she was quite easy to fool in that condition and she even accepted it right away.]
'Yes, I noticed it too! She was super happy about it and it made me feel a little bad that I was taking advantage of her. But anyway, this had to be done and there was no other way to get her approval. You heard her, she told me that she didn't want to be separated from us and that she would do everything not to marry a stranger, so I believe there is no problem here since we will both get what we want from this situation in the end. '
Still, I think I went a little overboard with my statement. I sure did make her accept his grace offer, but I think I made a promise that I shouldn't have.
The thing was to show her that by being his heir, we could not be separated anymore and we would become a real family, we would have the same last name and we would be called real sisters. Moreover, she will have in her hands the decision to get married or not.
As for the promise, one of us will have to leave eventually and we can not always stay together. If Mireya is going to be smart and stay the way she is, someone has to sacrifice to make Mireya stay the heir to the duke's title and I will be the one to leave.
If she shows value to continue on the path of the heir, I will be worthless and they will make me get married to a good family, so that both families establish a strong bond between them. But if she gives up, or does not display her values, then she will be the one to leave again and everything I told her will turn into a lie.
'So, I guess I should stay out of the duke's title and let Mireya have it. But even if I do this, she is going to be disappointed in me, and probably call me a liar for deceiving her. '
[You start this mess, now fix it. If you think this way, one of you will end up married in the end. But if you act carefully, neither of you has to sacrifice for the other. But I still don't understand why she should be so afraid of this, isn't she destined to marry that boy, the prince?]
'Hmm…! I don't know, but maybe she is acting like this because she hasn't met him yet, maybe love at first sight will work and she will forget that we had made a promise to stay together, and so I don't have to be worried if she's disappointed with me or not. '
But first, I have to meet with duke Xerox to tell him that we agree with his proposal, and then worry about what happens next. Since I'm not near Nasya, I can't predicate what is going to happen or what she has on her mind, but I can surely tell that this road is going to be really difficult once I start it.
*
As I said, I was going to meet with the duke and have a conversation with him, but he was not at his study.
'What a stroke of luck, didn't he say that we were free to come at any time and talk to him about anything? Well, I guess he must have been tired and gone on a walk or to drink some tea. I'm not familiar with his traditions so I don't know what he does all day. '
After I left, I went to the hall, where the party would be held. There was the best place to find someone who would tell me where the duke was, since the butler or Spencer would be there to observe that everything was going as planned.
It was strange to see so many people doing the preparation, of course our birthday was close, but not so much as to create such a mess. Perhaps by doing so, the duke wanted to show us that he didn't have to consider our opinion, and he would declare an heir either way. I didn't give too much thought to it because I was going to accept it anyway, but this makes it look suspicious and is like walking into a trap with your own two feet.
I was looking at the work and how much the hall had changed, it was not finished yet, but the energy and atmosphere of this place made me feel like I was really in a fairy tale, and that this view I would have never been able to see in the place I came from. I have been part of this kind of preparation before, when I was working for the Belgar family, but it looks different when you look at it from a different perspective.
Fascinated by this place, my eyes met those of the maids who were holding a basket of flowers in their hands. I will never forget those scared faces of theirs, maybe now for them I will be the devil himself, but who cares. If they do the job well and serve Mireyas as they used to, of course without those negative thoughts they gave her, then everything is fine. Even though I feel a little sad for them since I was in that position as well, I can't empathize with them!