The moment he exited the stifling room, Lan Yuning stood by the door silently.
Gu Xiao's eyes briefly brushed over him, but he didn't even notice Lan Yuning's presence fully and walked past him.
His head was still numbed and disorganised, so he was afraid that he might flare up again if someone were to talk to him.
He didn't want to hurt anyone else with his stubborn and immature words.
His stubbornness chased after him. He should have just kept it to himself instead of lashing out at a teacher who was trying to look out for him. But to hear Mr. Shen tell him he would end up suffering in the future forced his heart to swell.
"Gu Xiao," Lan Yuning said softly and attempted to grab his wrist.
However, he continued walking off, not allowing his feet to stop moving for a single second. His eyes lacked vitality.
For the first time, a glimpse of his most hidden emotions themselves. The pale, sombre face only communicated this intense suffering, as though all light died away and only bitter and raw ashes remained.
No words escaped Lan Yuning's throat, and he watched the boy trudge away with his hands in his pockets.
The abscess in Lan Yuning's heart grew more prominent the more he walked further away. Although he attempted to keep a faint distance, he didn't want to watch that back fade further out into the distance.
It was ironic. But he, too, was stupid. So he dashed to Gu Xiao and grabbed his wrist again with a tighter force.
Gu Xiao flinched from pain and shock, since his bones were aching.
"Hey—"
Lan Yuning pulled him away and dragged him down the hallway. While he tried to struggle from his grasp, his bones were so numb that even the frail boy's grip felt strong.
"Hey, Student President."
Lan Yuning whipped his head around, and he jolted from fear as Lan Yuning glared at him with eyes that could burn through one's skull.
He dragged Gu Xiao into the infirmary and pushed him onto the chair. Luckily, the nurse wasn't there since she was on break, or else she would've freaked out when she saw the state of this boy.
Lan Yuning grabbed disinfectant, ointment, and different bandages from the cabinet. He glanced at Gu Xiao, who gazed into the distance with dull eyes.
Lan Yuning thought he needed to say something, but perhaps the silence was best for both of them right now.
Gu Xiao struggled to speak. There were always certain words that couldn't be spoken, certain facts that couldn't be acknowledged.
He was so light-headed from swallowing back his words and frustration that he just titled his head up to allow this inexplicable heat to flow backward.
...
Within the absent conversation, the broken air conditioner's rattle and the radio's static music filled the air. It was a classical piece sounding similar to Schubert's Ständchen.
Lan Yuning sat in front of Gu Xiao and started cleaning the wounds on his knuckles and palms.
Observing Lan Yuning clean the lacerations, he watched him dab the cloth softly, as though he was afraid of inflicting more pain onto him.
The only genuine ache was to know so clearly that all the words and emotions were bottled up within, but there was no slightest clue how to pour them out. Afraid that they would all fall through one's fingertips if they tried, and everything would become out of control.
And instead of feeling relieved, they only end up even more miserable than before. It was truly pathetic. But the truth was, the more one tried to control something, the more it became out of control.
"Student President."
Again, he stayed silent, so Gu Xiao continued talking.
"Don't pity me."
"Who said I pity you?"
Since his throat was quite dry from the fight, his voice was huskier than usual. Lan Yuning lightly cleaned the cut on his lips, and Gu Xiao flinched, letting out a loud yelp.
"Stop moving."
"It hurts," he mumbled and hovered his hand over his jaw.
Lan Yuning raised his brows and stammered, "...Oh."
He pulled his hand down, but Gu Xiao just covered his lips again.
Pulling his hand down once again, Gu Xiao lifted it once again. This process repeated for a minute before Lan Yuning stopped moving.
"It's bound to hurt," he said in worry. "I will... try to be more gentle."
"I want to sleep," Gu Xiao mumbled.
This time, Lan Yuning yanked his hand down and firmly pressed it so he couldn't cover his mouth again.
"Sleep later."
With the hand that pulled Gu Xiao's palm down, Lan Yuning was going to grab the ointment but noticed his hand wouldn't budge. Glancing down, Gu Xiao tightly held onto his fingers.
"It hurts. I need something to hold."
Lan Yuning blinked in confusion as the boy had his gaze down.
There were many other things he could hold, but he didn't say anything and accepted it, quietly continuing to apply the ointment on his finger. A downcast smile formed on the injured boy's lips as he swayed their hands from side to side.
"Stay still."
Gu Xiao instantly straightened his lips and remained like a temple statue.
Whenever Lan Yuning's finger or cotton swab encountered the wounds, Gu Xiao would occasionally squeeze his hand from the pain that he wasn't even aware of how hard he was gripping.
Yet, Lan Yuning didn't react at all. Instead, he just kept on the same indifferent expression.
At one point, Gu Xiao didn't realise he held onto him with both his hands.
Although no more words were exchanged, the silence was comfortable.
Lan Yuning finished bandaging his wounds and disinfecting the grazes.
The bell rang ten minutes ago, so it surprised him to see that Lan Yuning was still here. The nurse also arrived a while ago, though luckily, she was a lenient person.
Or maybe she just gave up on nagging Gu Xiao since he always faked being sick just to skip out on periods. But seeing how beaten up his state was, she didn't say much.
"I'm going to sleep. I'm too tired," he said. "I need to take a nap."
What he needed wasn't pity. He didn't say all of that for pity. What he wanted... he didn't even know himself.
Gu Xiao strolled to the infirmary bed and covered himself with the blanket. The beds were hard, and the blankets were thin, making the pain in his body probably even worse than when he was sitting.
"Ah, my butt hurts," he mumbled.
Lan Yuning laid a booklet on the table beside him. Just seeing those booklets flash past his eyes, Gu Xiao flung his body up and darted his eyes between the papers and Lan Yuning.
"What is this?"
"Past exam for physics, chemistry, and biology. You chose natural science as the specialty subject."
"Wait, wait, that's not what I mean. I'm dying right now, and you want me to do a past paper?!" he stuttered and waved the paper around.
"Yes? You can still write, and your brain is still working. You shouldn't be skipping periods in the first place. Also, don't you owe me this from beating you in that game?"
He opened and closed his mouth, opened it again before closing it one more time.
He wanted to say something, but he couldn't since it was true that he promised to finish one practice exam if he won a game, but really? Right after he just got his ass beat? But Gu Xiao wasn't one to go back on his words, so he smiled through the pain.
"I mean, I know I told you not to pity me, but maybe a little pity wouldn't hurt?" he joked, but Lan Yuning just stabbed him with his piercing, stiff gaze that brought down an indescribable horror to creep down his back.
"Alright, alright," Gu Xiao said, and grabbed the papers. "I'll do it after I take a quick nap, okay? If I don't pass out, that is."
A sigh left Lan Yuning's lips, and he gazed at the boy, who covered himself with the blanket, eyelids lowered.
He stayed there for a while, and Gu Xiao had already fallen deeply asleep.
The sunlight travelling from the window dried out their skins and emphasized the sleeping boy's sunken eyes and cuts on his cheekbones. The soft fragrance of lavenders deepened as it escaped between the gaps of the window.
Lan Yuning pulled the curtains to cover the splashing sunlight that stabbed the sleeping boy's face.
"You don't need to do this for others. You can do it for me."