Follow the path left then right
Or maybe the yellow brick road straight on till morning!
Fairytales are different and unique in a lot of ways
Boy meets girl and so on yada Yada Yada
Well, this is no fairytale.
There is no happy ending
No prince charming
No castle
So, join me on the roller coaster of a fucked-up life called
A Sight to See
Today is the day I'll get up clean, change, and start anew. I tell myself this every morning in hopes that It's true, Depression is a bitch! It's Monday which means I get to go outside if I behave, seeing the sky at night is my favorite time of the week. Waking up I step out of the scratchy cotton sheets and plastic pillow into my bathroom brushing my hair and teeth I dress for the day. There aren't many choices, so I pick up my blue strappy sundress its one of three normal outfits besides the standard issue light bluish grey pants and shirt almost like scrubs. Sitting at the chair to my small desk I slip on my shoe's white slippers.
Walking out of my cramped room which they do allow you to paint I chose lavender purple, it's calming to me, peaceful almost. I was almost to the garden door when. "Drusilla Eleanor Evans you will not skip our session this morning come in here now!" I cringe at Dr Maddox tone. Shit! Turning on my heels I stomp into the slim balls office and sit in a beat-up cloth chair. "If you try that again I will call your mother and trust me she won't be happy" he huffs out. He walks around the desk and leans on it "Am I clear Dru?" rolling my eyes I nod. Finally speaking I grind out "what will be the topic of discussion today doc?".
"Well for one you are trying to skip today knowing you can't. You love star gazing. Why would you put that at risk for forty-five minutes of speaking? Also, why are you not speaking to Astrid now?" finally he goes to sit at his desk making direct eye contact with me creepy much!
Astrid was my best friend; we had a slight disagreement over the ending of a book series we were both reading. We met when I first came to this place 6 years ago, two days before my 11th birthday. Honestly, she was the only tolerable person here to spend time with, when we weren't fighting over who the heroine should end up with in our latest book club meeting. I sit back and I give him the details of the argument and what had been spoken back and forth. He nods his head from time to time scribbling away on that stupid pad of his.
He sucks in a deep breath "you know family day is coming up? How are you feeling about seeing your mother after the past six months?". Last time I didn't end up so well I got suspended from outside for a month and she left with her nose bleeding. I may have forgotten to mention I'm not the most stable person voices and all they are killers; I giggle to myself at that thought. I'm not thrilled at the idea except for the part where she always reloads my bank when she is here for our quarterly outings.
My mother is the whole reason I'm here. Father passed away when I was seven years old with colon cancer, a very dark illness that strips everything from a person before taking their last breath. Besides her all I had was Uncle Chax, he was always around. He came to see my progress and was the one thing I loved about family day. My birth giver however hated him, but he always kept her in check you might even be able to say she feared him. Softly I ask "will Chax be there?"
He smiles "as a matter of fact he will. He called Friday to confirm for dinner". I relish the idea of seeing him. I haven't had an accident (as I like to call them) since my mother so I know he will be proud of me. "What else can I do for you doc?" I beam. I'm so happy right now.
"Well, I have some news, I know you do not handle change very well but unfortunately I do not have a choice. My family needs me at this time so I will be stepping down. My replacement will be here today, and I will shadow him for a week before I leave. There is a position opening for a high functioning patient to assist with filing paperwork and such. Office duties mainly, I suggested you for the position. I also spoke with your mother and Chax about this and for once they both agree. Your review will be coming up next April, this will help transition you into today's societies and rules as well as help staff and give a good impression to the board. What do you think of that Drusilla?"
I bent over leaning my elbows on my knees and took a deep breath. one year away from possibly being released. I never kept track of the days or time after the first couple of months being here. It's a dark abyss, counting down your death. It is like when your leg goes to sleep except for your mind. You feel the tingle and the numbness of it all, no shaking or moving will stop only time and strength to bear through It. With this thought at the forefront of mind I question whether this is a good idea if I am normal enough to do even this one thing, but even as I second guess myself my mouth opens and "okay" softly escapes. Taking this as my que we are done I stand and move to the door, pausing I look at the degrees on the wall and ask one last burning question "why me?" His response was simple "out of everyone here I have the most faith in you to recover. I am giving you a chance to prove it, do not let me down." He raised his hand and shooed me out of the office and stared down at his work. Closing the door quietly I step away with a newfound hope of moving forward. I move toward the garden doors again so excited to be outside again. Stepping through I come to stand still. Flashing starts to happen before my eyes and my heart rate picks up. Nothing particularly triggers these flashbacks but when it does happen every once in a blue moon. I try to block it out but it's no use and soon I am transported to that night again.