Amara shook her head, biting onto her lip. "Lilith, there's a good chance it won't live even if we do, but if we deliver it normally, it will reduce your bleeding. Three might be a good number."
If I did this, she could lose two rather than one. Even though I was delirious, I knew what my words meant. I wasn't backing down from this. Even if it meant I wouldn't see them grow up.
All they had to do was kill Stella to free me from her magic.
"Kill S-Stella…" I declared, not taking a step back.
If I died before my heart stopped beating, she had to be dead.
"Lilith…" The elf winced.
"She's dead." Amelia declared from the side.
It seemed something else had happened that I didn't know.
"Do it." I smiled.
I gazed at Fenris, who seemed utterly lost but hesitantly nodded. "Do as she wishes."
It triggered her to close her eyes, taking a deep breath before yelling orders to the medics around us. I knew she would do everything to save it. There was no doubt in my mind about her capabilities as a medic. After these months, I trusted no one else with my child's safety other than.
My wolf leaned over to me and kissed my lips lovingly. "I love you. You know that, right? I need you to know that."
His voice broke as tears beamed down his cheeks. He tried to put up a brave front, but he was crumbling.
My adorable, loving wolf, I'm sorry for doing this to you, but at least… you'll… see them grow up. You'll be a better father than mine ever was.
"I… love y-you… too." I simpered.
Amara gave me something to bite into to prevent me from severing my tongue during the process. Fenris closed his eyes, not wanting to see what would happen. However, his hand intertwined with mine tightly.
Tears rolled down my eyes when Amara ripped me open to extract the baby. Even though my voice was muffled, it still leaked, making Fenris's eyes grow colder with each one. If I went, so did his heart—something I didn't want.
Sadly, I could barely think with the agony that throbbed through my entire being. However, this pain was different from the one my grandmother had given me. My consciousness wavered to the point I didn't remember when Amara extracted my baby luma from my belly.
"Shit! Her pulse's weak!" the elf's voice was muffled as she ran to one of her colleagues, handing the baby off to them.
My eyes followed the little pale baby as Amara bolted to me again. Heavy dark curtains wanted to fall on me while I tried to stay in our world.
Ah… Please… Live… Let me be… the only one who goes today. You… must live… I don't know you, but… I know you'll bring light into this world like your father did to me. So, please… survive… I know… I would've loved you if given the chance.
No… that's not right… I love you.
Words I wanted to say, but before I could, everything went black as I plunged into a darkness I had never felt before. It was so cold, yet I didn't shiver. Every step was so heavy to take that I soon found myself standing still, losing the will to live.
"Am I dying?" I whispered in the space I found myself in.
"Lily… I'm getting sleepy." Shade's voice echoed through the void. "Is this is? I… I don't regret it. I'll be with you until the very end."
Upon hearing her voice, I searched for a way out, only to feel like my feet were dragging me down. Before I knew it, the darkness surrounding me shimmered a bright red, lifting everything around me. Everything became more apparent, and I found myself in an out-of-body experience.
Fenris, who radiated the same aura that brought me back, held my lifeless body in his arms.
The surrounding medics tried to revive my baby girl, while Amara wanted to seal me up as fast as she could, hoping to save me. However, I couldn't hear what they were saying to each other. The machines with my vitals went into a plain line from the usual peaks it had.
Ah… I'm… gone, aren't I?
I reached out to Fenris, who was in distress over me until someone grabbed me from behind. Instinctively, I turned to see the woman who had brought me into this world.
"Mom?" I gasped.
She smiled, "Lilith, it's so good to speak to you after so long."
I ran into her arms in a split second as she hugged me tightly. I never thought I would get to see her again, but her embrace was comforting. It brought me to a time before every painful thing that happened to me occurred.
"How are you here? I thought I'd never see you." I held on to her.
She was the first person to love me and the only one who wanted me for the longest time.
"Ah, even though I lost my mind while I was alive, it all became so clear after I died." She started, cupping onto my cheeks. "I couldn't move on since the moment I left your side. So, I've always been with you, my love. Watching over you and wishing you'd reach your better days."
Better days… For the past year, I've been happier than I ever realized I could be. Is that what you mean by better days?
"Am I stuck in the in-between?" I asked.
Usually, the tormented souls in this plain were there because something held them back from moving on. There was so much that I needed my mother to know.
"I have so much to tell you, Mom." I simpered, gripping onto her hands.
Iris shook her head softly, "I'm sure you do. But you can't stay here. Death isn't for you yet; the wolf can't keep this up. He doesn't know it, but he's sharing his life with you. If this keeps up, he'll collapse."
She glanced towards him, and my eyes followed her to see the color of his lips grow pale as Amara finished sealing me. My soul would never be at peace if I left at this moment. I would be leaving my little ones to fend for themselves.
Shade was disappearing as well with every second I spent in this realm. I would destroy my family if I desired to die—something I couldn't allow.
Even if my mother's embrace is peaceful... Even if I once desired death. Now... I...
"You're right; I have to go back," I whispered reluctantly, reluctant to leave her sweet embrace.
Slowly, I tore myself from her as I stepped towards my future.
"Does this mean you've found your reason to live? Is it okay if I go now?" She smiled.
I gazed back at her and beamed back.
"Yes, Mom, I'll be okay. I finally want to live. My little girl and my family need me—they're my reason for living!" I declared for the first time since the fall.
I had a reason to move other than my obsession with Fenris. Even though I always thought he would be better off if I were dead, his expression as he tried to share his life with mine showed me otherwise.
He would be miserable if I left him. Also, my babies wouldn't have a mother to love them, and that was the most sinful thing I could ever do.
"Now go back to him and your beautiful children. Live and never look back, Lilith. Always look forward to the future you want." Mom pushed me from behind, "There will be times when it hurts again, but with every ache, you'll also receive precious memories that make everything worth it."
Her words shifted the world, plunging me back into my body. My eyes flew open as my lungs filled with precious air. Fenris glowed bright red up close, almost like a shining star that shined my way back.
Somehow, he had shared his essence with me again, allowing my way back to this world. This time, there was no ritualistic incantation to siphoning it into me. Fenris had brought me back with his power and will alone.
"Oh gods, you did it, Fenris," Amara announced, eyes wide open as a soft, bitter smile rose on her lips.
Unlike Alijah, my wolf's power had to do with healing and protection rather than destruction.
"Hey..." his voice quivered, noticing me open my eyes. "Thank the gods, it worked."
Besides me, the medics struggled to make my little luma breathe. The other babies were with the others, who appeared to work on them, too. They were two weeks early, while Amelia and Melody looked on helplessly, waiting for the chance to assist.
Amara rushed towards the baby that was having the most issues, but nothing was helping the little Luma take her first breath. In a last attempt to bring her back, the elf kneeled beside me, slowly handing her to my shaking hands.
She hoped that my touch would stimulate the little one to come back. The moment the little luma was in my arms, everything changed again. She was weak as the color drained from her little body.
"No…" I mumbled, tears rolling down my cheeks.
Lumas, like any other hybrids, were sustainably weaker than purebreds. Usually, they would rarely survive birth, especially a multi-birth like mine. She was also smaller than the others, making her the runt of the litter, yet I couldn't help but think that perhaps if the spell hadn't happened, she would have been fine.
This little one was the one that had been the one hiding behind her brothers and sister.
My little surprise, baby. If you're lost, I…