When the last notes of my voice faded away at the end of the sung prayer, I got to my feet knowing there would only be about twenty seconds before the first dance would begin.
I made my way past the outer ring marked by the yellow fabric at the cardinal directions. I stopped at the inner ring on the Southernmost spot.
I took a deep breath. I could hear the opening notes for 'The dance of the High Priestess' in my head. I felt glad that I studied just as hard as my older sister had.
So, as a consequence, I didn't need the music present to complete the dance.
"This is for you, and for her." I whispered, knowing the Great Goddess of All could hear, and only hoping my sister could hear as well.
As I twirled and leapt and gracefully bounded along through the dance, I pictured my older sister, Siobhan, and how I would help her practice the ritual dances. She was always the more elegant dancer of the two of us, but I had the better memory of each move of each dance.
I continued dancing in circles around the fire as I thought about how tragedy had so quickly swept my sister away from me- from all of us.
I put my heart and soul into the dance and poured out my sadness, pain, loss, regret, and shame. The innocent bubble of childhood was destroyed with the reality of the fragility of life and the havoc that violence could wreak; both of which struck me with the sudden passing of my sister.
Then everything changed so suddenly: I became my mother's only daughter, and she became more clingy towards me. I had no sister, only brothers.
I was quickly pushed to replace my sister; my former place in life, which offered more freedom and more choice to me, was taken.
All previous lessons eradicated as the rush to make me fit to be the next High Priestess to the Great Goddess of All began.
Now, I can look back and understand where they came from: the current High Priestess (my Great Aunt) was slowly dying, her replacement (my sister) was murdered; the next in line was myself.
But the pressure was too much, and I had no self-confidence, so I made my escape and ran away.
I do a jump and kick into the air, landing as softly as I can manage.
My previous negative feelings of sadness, pain, loss, regret and shame are consciously bent, twisted and re-shaped in my brain, purposely re-framing my view of things through a positive lens, until I can feel happiness (that I have all the memories of my sister), healing (through my faith), gain (of my best friends, who are like sisters to me), gratefulness (for not taking opportunities in life for granted) and pride (in who I am).
I know if Siobhan could see me now, she would be proud of me. I do my best every day to be the sister she could be proud of.
It is almost the end of the first dance, and already my face is flushed with pink, and I am sweating. I leap, doing a sort of jig and wish I hadn't made the fire so big or burn so hot. I may only be wearing the chemise, drawers, and corset, but it felt like 20 pounds of winter clothing.
I start to slow the pace as the dance comes to an end and wonder if the twinkling lights, I see in the forests' edge are really there, or if they are my imagination.
My initial solo dance done; I remove myself from the ritual area as the next dance of the four priestesses will soon start. As I stand at the edge, I keep my eyes moving from the edge of the forest to the fire and two concentric circles.
I know the Goddess will keep me safe, but still, curiosity makes me wonder what creatures, if any are lurking nearby.
At the exact moment the dance of the four priestesses is set to begin, I feel a wave of raw power go, like a shockwave through the spot.
That is when I see the partially see-through, ghost-like projections of the priestesses in the exact spots they would be, were they actually present. The Great Goddess has given us a gift with her abilities- to make it easier by letting us see each other as if both parties were in the same place.
As I tilt my head up to the darkened sky and the bright full moon, I let out a whoop, a celebration of thankfulness on my part, and acknowledgement for the Goddess' gift. I look back earthward, and watch the smooth, lithe dancing of the four priestesses.
I realize with a start, after watching them for a moment that the music is no longer only in my head and memory; I can actually hear the instruments as if they were present. I smile. It is also a comfort to me to see others of my own kind, dancing in the traditional clothes for this ritual.
It feels like, well it feels like as close to my home realm as I can get here.
This new surge in energy is electric, and for a moment, I feel invincible.
My brain senses movement out of the corner of my eye. I turn my head towards the forest.
My intuition had told me something was there, and now I can see them. In the hidden safety of the forest, are pairs of eyes, at the forest's edge are wolves, of all sizes and coat colours and walking slowly towards me, a very large wolf.
The size of the wolf with its brownish- grey coat, seemed familiar. I silently studied the gait and the eyes. I felt some confidence this was the wolf from earlier today.
I walked a few steps towards the wolf before stopping and bowing from the waist. "Hello!" I called.
When I returned to standing tall, the wolf had stopped walking. He 'bowed' to me as best a wolf can do; haunches in the air, chest, shoulders, and legs all stretched out to the ground and head bowed.
I tried not to smile but take him very seriously. "Am I causing too much ruckus in the ritual for the Goddess?" I asked. I sat back on my heels and opened my arms. "Peace be with you."
The wolf whined and wagged his tail and came right up to me with a posture of submission.
Sitting his muzzle on my shoulder, I sniffed the fur on his neck. "It is you!" I said happily. "I thought it looked like you but now I know it is you. I remember your scent." I said confidently.
Upon hearing me, the wolf pulled away and looked at me in almost a sceptical manner.
Then, there was a snap of a twig breaking. It sounded from the direction of the forest. Raising my eyes to look beyond the wolf in front of me, I noticed that two other wolves had left the edge of the forest.
One was bigger than the other, and both smaller than the wolf before me. They were only a couple of feet from the forest's edge, but that still seemed to displease the large wolf before me.
Once he had turned and spotted them, he growled, before running towards them. But I didn't want any bloodshed tonight, so I ran after him.
Pushing myself, I realized I could keep up with him, but only for short sprints.
He stopped, about half a foot away from the two other wolves, back bristling and tail in the air, all aggression and dominance.
I was two seconds behind him, as he growled threateningly and snapped his teeth at the larger of the two wolves, both of whom whined and backed up a few steps.
I shoved his shoulder hard, to get his attention, and when he instinctively swung to face me, with his lips curled and teeth bared, his reaction to my own curled upper lip, to display my teeth and the most dangerous growl I was capable of from deep in the back of my throat gave him pause.
In fact, there were a few moments when he just looked at me, like he was stunned.
"It's ok." I told him. "I don't want any fights. If they aren't here to hurt me, then what is wrong with them coming closer?"
I gestured to the forest. "Isn't there at least 50 or 60 wolves here?" I looked at the two wolves huddled together. "It is probably the strangeness of the ritual and my presence that makes them curious. The natives can always pick out those from another realm."
I stood up and backed away a few paces. "Just let them be, please. For me?" Then I turned and ran full speed back to the ritual ground.