- "Sometimes a situation we view as bad could be the beginning of a new turn in our life that we never knew we needed" -
~ Kakez
The walk to the carpark was quiet that night and the smell of chalk dust lingered on her yellow cardigan. It was like the recent late-night school days were on replay: spilling the most concise version of a math formula or topic to a set of students, who seem ready to board the Dreamland bus, confined in a four walled room within the space of 40 mins, iced coffee, paper work and another night math session with the students entered into the Interschool's Mental Math Competition. At that point, she could only distract her far distant mind with her faint breathing. Just then, when she thought that the resonating clicking of her high heels and the chirp of the orchestra of crickets were the only sounds filling the void of silence that engulfed her, out of the blue, she was embraced by her cellphone sparking to life, vibrating like it was going to rock the world to pieces if the call wasn't taken.
The sudden ring startled her so much and her heart throbbed in her chest. With the pull of a zip, she groped for the phone in her purse, wanting to quickly put away the person on the other end.
She spoke breathily, "Hello?"
"Your voice hasn't changed a bit, I see."
Her lips parted and her eyes dilated in shock almost simultaneously. Her blood immediately ran cold and as if suddenly paralyzed, she stood unable to move with her voice obliterated, unable to go beyond a croak. The voice was familiarly notorious like his, nonchalant like his, deep like his and just as mundane as his. Not to mention, dry like his. She could feel the rise and fall of her chest begin to pick up the pace and her mind at that moment was instantly rinsed of thought as her hearing was filled with her throbbing heart.
"Am I that hated that you are unable to speak to me? Or are you just ungrateful… or guilty perhaps-"
"WHAT DO YOU WANT? HOW DARE YOU CALL!" she managed to force the words out with the rage she built up in the short space of time.
She could tell he was wearing that face rinsed of emotion again, a blank expression with no trace of care that might have left him better off without a face at all.
She could hear him calmly breathing into the phone whilst she felt her chest begin to cave inwards. The anger was adding to the pressure inside her chest. Her vision was becoming a blur of dark colors regardless of how much she was trying to keep back the tears. Her body was doing what it wanted to do at that point. She was on autopilot.
"How many years has it been? Five? Six? I lost track," the sound of his heavy footsteps against the tarmac filled the temporary gap of silence between them, "Forced Nanny to run away with you, eh?"
"Why the hell are you calling me? What or who the hell made you think I wish to ever hear you speak again?"
His footsteps continued to speak on the other end before he came to an abrupt halt.
"Because I'm at your apartment and I'm waiting for a late-night dinner."
Dinner… dinner… the more she heard the word echo in her mind, the weaker her knees grew. She wished at that moment that the earth beneath her could have cracked open ajar and swallow her whole.
"Who the f*** do you think you are, N-"
"Prepare something nice. We need to catch up," and just like that, the call died.
She balled up her fists and gritted her teeth, feeling her blood now begin to boil. Over a million thoughts flooded her mind as she mustered the strength to storm to her car in a rage. The person she least expected to hear from ever again was at her apartment, awaiting her arrival. Could things get any worse? She gripped the steering wheel with all the hatred she felt towards him flowing through her veins. The hurt from years ago began to resurface and it reminded her of just how much she detested him. If there was one person she could have chosen to burn in hell, it would be him. Then it hit her that no matter how many times she tried running away from the past, the past was always finding a shortcut and catching up to her pace. It was like there was simply no way out.
There was nothing but a dry twenty bill dollar in her wallet after the debt of rent money had eaten out the majority that once sat there the other day. Prepare something nice… what did he consider nice? He didn't deserve anything nice and so why was he bold enough to ask for something he did not deserve in such a relentless manner? Was he even sorry, she wondered. What did he mean by 'catch up'? Was he going to rip open the scar she had sewn up from years ago and make it fester once more? She mashed on the accelerator as if she was trying to find the right speed to make a quick teleportation to outer space, as if she just wanted to die at that moment and descend to hell.
She hadn't realized that she had been crying her eyes out all the while as she slowed down outside of a little grocery store. It was one of those regular grocery stores where there were human cashiers, not the modernized types. Why was she allowing him to have that effect on her? Tonight, was going to be one of the longest nights, she thought and with that, she mopped her face dry, reapplied light make-up before slipping out of the car and headed into the grocery store, joining the other customers in walking through the maze of shelves with visions in their minds of what they intended to purchase.
"Attention all shoppers, attention all shoppers. We'll be closing in the next 10 minutes so please round up all shopping. I repeat…"
She sighed. At least she made it at a good enough time. Her mind was set on ramen. Since she could no longer cook to save her life as the kitchen now showed pure hate towards her, she succumbed to fast, precooked and simple-and-easy-to-make-foods. She fetched a dozen eggs, a few chopsticks and a load of different flavored instant noodles. She could not let him continue to think that she was a disappointment even after all those years.
"5 more minutes before closing," the owner chimed with a fixed portrait smile glued to his face as if he had mastered the art of concealing his feelings.
The hum of the air conditioning, the buzz of the bar code scanner and the sound of bunched up grocery bags resonated throughout the store as queues of, some patient and some impatient, customers awaited with their trolleys and baskets on the ever so fast-working cashiers. The smell of freshly unboxed items and cleaning solution stung her nose and she sniffled a little, wearing her usual stoic and wooden expression. Just as the cashier was finished with the old man who was in front of her, she stepped forward and laid out her items to be scanned.
"$9.95," the cashier muttered in a standard voice like that of a machine.
She reached into her wallet and fetched out the lone twenty-dollar bill. She was now going to be $9.95 poorer. She stretched out her hand towards the cashier with the twenty-dollar bill between her finger tips. Just then, as the cashier reached forward to retrieve the money from her, a familiar object caught her attention. She froze in her position as if she had heard the phone call from earlier replay in her mind again with the same suddenness. It triggered a pleasant memory in her mind that she had buried deep down in her collection of favorites and souvenirs.
"…Let's make bracelets. That way, I can always have something that reminds me of you and that you are my ally and I am yours. This binds us together forever-"
Hugging the cashier's wrist, was the familiar object, the handmade black and lilac beaded bracelet.
She made an audible gape.
"My ally…"
"Miss?" the voice caressed her angelically.
Her heart began to rock in her chest and all the thoughts about the call earlier magically vanished into thin air. A sudden pleasant and warm feeling suffused her heart and she felt safe. She felt like she had seen heaven. She remembered this feeling, it was a feeling she couldn't put a finger, a feeling she could not understand but remembered feeling it in the past.
"Miss, the money?"
She blushed lightly. Fate sure had a funny way of working things out.
"Finally," she melted inside, "After all these years, I finally found you. I'll never let you go again."