Over the next hour, I learned several important lessons about life in general. First was that rich and noble warriors have more pride than they do sense. The fact that a mere *slave* would dare to tell them they weren't worthy enough to own a weapon prickled heavily at their pride. Alone, they may have been able to ignore the insult to their pride, but surrounded by the gazes of their peers? HA!
Add in the fact that old warriors carry old grudges against each other, and that just adds fuel to the fire! Big Axe refuses to let Sharp Nose buy a prestigious weapon in front of him. (Not their names, I don't think, but since I don't know their actual names, I feel free to call them whatever the hell I want.) Sharp Nose gets pissed and bids twice as hard to spite Big Axe. Old Fart pisses on them all by doubling the bid for his grandson. (Whom I presume would probably be compelled to "gift" it back to the Old Fart at the next available chance, from the way he's acting all sneaky stupid about it.) Old Man I-have-a-crush-on-my-perfect-sexy-awesome-sexy-beautiful-sexy-granddaughter-who-looks-just-like-her-grandmother bids to trump over Old Fart.
And each time the furor grudgingly starts to settle down, Maria makes some calm observation or denial which starts it back up again – which leads me to my second lesson learned: Don't fuck with Maria!! Naked. Helpless. Surrounded by a hundred raging brutes full of wealth, power, and fighting spirit, who could each and every one squash her like a bug – and she kicked *all* their asses! Financially speaking, of course.
Those idiots danced in the palm of her hand like little children crying outside a toy store two days before Christmas! "Do your chores and maybe…" "Eat your vegetables and maybe…" "Hush and let me rest for a bit and maybe…" Hanging on every word on the smallest chance that just maybe…
In the end, the two old fogies each won a bow. Grandpa Crush won Maria's bow for an astronomical sum for his granddaughter, and Grandpa Fart-face won the bow I was carrying for his supposed grandson – once he proved himself worthy of it *cough* *cough* -- for an almost equally stupid amount.
Both katanas we had were sold to the younger generation for huge sums which boggled my mind as well. Arrogant Prick – some blond haired, fancy pants boy whom I didn't like just by looking at – ended up with the katana Maria was carrying. Princess Pointy-ears – an elven maiden, by all appearances with long ears, slim build, and forest green hair – ended up buying the katana which I'd lazily strapped to my hip as ordered earlier.
After that, we left the Blackhaven Academy with our faces burned forever into everyone's memories and our wallets much fuller thanks to the four "letters of credit* which I now carried. Unlike most shops, wealthy individuals didn't parade around with a fortune on them at all times. Instead, they had what was basically the equivalent of a bank account in our world – though usually one backed by some trustworthy entity such as a guild, school, temple, or kingdom – and then they basically wrote checks, or "letters of credit", which transferred wealth from their account to another's.
"Where to next, High Lord Tastysnacks?" Apparently, watching Maria at work finally convinced Tabitha that I wasn't just a Lord in her eyes anymore. I was promoted to become High Lord Tastysnacks now!
"The best jeweler in town," Maria told me, smiling brightly. She'd absolutely loved being the center of attention and having all the warriors dance in the palm of her hands. I fear she might become impossible to live with after this!
Repeating her words for Tabitha – I can't really claim credit for "translating" them, since the wish magic apparently did it auto-magically – she led us out of the school and down several ridiculously fancy streets full of almost-covered people lazily walking about. This section of town was leagues above where the poor wandered about! Guards in various suits of armor were everywhere, and everyone carried themselves with an air of utter arrogance and confidence.
"Here," Tabitha whispered meekly, standing respectfully to the side of an elaborate stained-glass door. "The Diamond's Rest," she introduced the place, sounding almost reverent doing so. "The town's lord owns this shop," she informed us, sounding worried.
"Fuck 'em! It's not worthy." Snorting, I wrapped my arms around Tabitha's slender shoulders and tugged her away and down the street. Hugging her close, I gently stole another squeeze of her cute little cat-boob, while telling her, "Take us to the best jewelry shop in town. Not one owned by this trash!" I don't know if the town lord is truly trash or not, but I don't give a shit. I don't like to see our cute little cat-guide tremble and act all nervous and frightened like that in front of us. It doesn't suit her.
A few well-dressed passerbyers stared disapprovingly in my direction, hearing my words, but when I glared directly at them, they quickly turned their heads and looked away. Fuck them too! I'm not from this world. I have every right not to sell and trade with any asshole I don't want to. If the city lord wants my business, then he can stop being an ass that scares the citizens living in his city.
'Nuff said!
Quickly moving on, as we were almost pulled away by Tabitha, Maria just shrugged and didn't seem to care one way or the other. She'd wanted the best shop. I'd nixed that idea watching Tabitha's reaction. She was happy to move on to the second best shop.
"Here," Tabitha told us, going up to another elaborately engraved glass door leading into a fancy shop just a few blocks down from the previous one. "Madam Pink's," she told us with a smile. "They say she used to be a wench at one of the brothels," she told us quietly; her tail twitching mischievously as she shared the salacious gossip.
"Good!" Pulling open the door, I confidently strode in and looked all about. "Let's see what the best jewelry shop in the city has to offer for us, ladies!" Not bothering to lower my voice at all, I held the door open wide and motioned for the girls to come on in. Maria arrogantly walked in, head held high, as if she owned the place, while Tabitha was obviously a little more hesitant and reserved.
"Can I help the Great Lord?" A beautiful young naked lady came over and smiled invitingly at us. From her peaked chest and hairless bottom, it was obvious she was a slave. From the gold and silver shackles around her neck, wrist, ankles, and hips, it was equally obvious that she was also one held in the highest regard by her owner.
"Do you have a relic to comprehend languages?" I asked her curiously. "And is the owner in this morning?"
"The lady is here every day," the little slave girl assured me, "and my shackles allow me to understand all languages. The lady insists that all her workers must be able to deal with any customers when the situation arises."
"Then find me a place to sit and wait," I told the slave imperiously. "With a small table preferably so we can enjoy a break while my slave does business with you," ordered, as I nodded my head over towards Maria.
"Certainly. Follow me this way, dear customer." Bowing gently, I had to smile at the young slave girl's training. Polite, but firm. Didn't call me 'my lord', or 'your High Lordship'. Instead, she wanted to remind me I was still just a customer.
Following her into the back, I was led to a fine sitting room with several long luxurious couches to lounge around in. Relaxing back in one, I patted for Tabitha to sit beside me, before nodding contentedly to the slave and Maria.
"If you need anything else," the slave told me politely, "someone else will be in here to see to your needs in a moment. This way, if you will, dear customer." Addressing Maria just the same as she did me, the two of them headed back out towards the shop while I waited patiently and enjoyed snuggling with a little tabby cat in my arms.
We didn't have to wait very long before an elaborately dressed middle-aged lady strolled confidently into the sitting room. "No need to get up," she assured me, waving her hand dismissively, even though I never really had any intention to. "Can I get you a drink while we wait and relax, good sir?"
"If you can get us three cups of ice," I told her, chuckling lightly, "I can provide the drinks and snacks."
"Is it snack time already?" Tail twitching furiously, Tabitha hopped up from the couch and sat down in the floor expectantly. I guess, in her mind, one doesn't eat where crumbs might get on the furniture. "High Lord Tastysnacks has the most amazing drinks and snacks," Tabitha told the lady excitedly.
"High Lord Tastysnacks?" Laughing lightly, the lady placed three crystal glasses on a tray and then sat down gracefully beside me holding it out. "Chill," she commanded, and the glasses frosted over instantly. "Will these do?" She asked, smiling brightly.
"Wonderfully," I assured her, digging open the backpack I'd been carrying all morning long. "Are you a sweet or sour type woman?" I asked, grinning mischievously.
"Sweets! Sweety sweet-sweet!" Sitting in the floor, Tabitha rose up on her knees, with the tail swishing frantically in all directions. She absolutely looked like a little puppy sitting upright and begging for treats from me, at the moment.
"I'm an old sour puss," the lady told me, laughing lightly as she watched Tabitha's exuberant actions.
"Good! All the sweets are mine then! Nyyyytt!" Tabitha was getting so excited as I drew out rummaging in my pack, her voice was starting to leak its cat-origins more and more.
"Here," I told her, holding out a bottle of hot Coca-Cola to her. Mischievously, I couldn't help shaking it quickly up and down a few times before passing it to her. "Now you remember how to open it, right?" I asked, having to fight hard to keep a straight face. "Don't spill…"
"FFFTTTTTTTTZZZTTTTT!!" Warm soda sprayed everywhere as Tabitha quickly twisted the lid off in one great spin. "NYYYAAAWWWHHHWW!!" Tail shooting up straight in the air, Tabitha sprang straight up like a catapult had launched her towards the ceiling, before landing and trying to cover the top of the bottle with the flat of her palm.
"It's getting away! It's getting away," she cried frantically!
"Quick! Drink it," I advised her.
"NUMMPPHH!!" Jerking the bottle up to her mouth, Tabitha tried to swallow it before it all fizzed out, only to have soda-bubbles squirt from the sides of her cheeks and out her nose.
Unable to resist any longer, my laughter erupted like a volcano as all I could do is point and laugh at poor, poor pitiful Tabitha as she started sneezing and crying, pouting about how, "It all ran away…"
"You are a bad, bad man, Lord Tastysnacks." Eyes twinkling full of mirth, the lady of the shop seemed more approving than displeased by my prank.
"Call me Michael," I told her, smiling lightly. Holding out a bottle of hot Sprite out to her, I warned her, "Twist the lid to the right slowly to open, and if it starts to spray, turn it back to the left and wait a moment for the fizz to go down. It's kind of like how the foam rises and falls on a freshly poured mug of ale, except there's not much room for the foam left to stay in the bottle," I pointed out, trying to use an example they both might relate to.
"Bad evil mean Lord Sneezydrinks!" Glaring at me, Tabitha had her arms wrapped protectively in front of her breasts, while her tail twitched furiously behind her and far out of my reach! "No stroking for you!" She declared poutingly.
"They call me Madam Pink," the woman introduced herself, smiling brightly, "but you can simply call me Rose if you like."
"Rose. That's a beautiful name for a beautiful woman," I told her honestly. "But, if we're going to be friends," I warned her quickly, "then there's absolutely no reason for you to ever suck up to me, flatter me, or try and win my approval. I'm never going to do any business with you, no matter what, after all."
"Huh?" Clearly confused, Rose quirked an eyebrow up as she stared directly at me. "Why are you here then?" She asked directly.
"I don't know the difference between a diamond and a crystallized booger," I assured her, in all honesty. "Grade, color, value, quality, cut, blah blah blah… I don't know any of that shit, nor do I ever have any intention or desire to learn it. My slave, Maria, knows all that and I leave it up to her to decide when and what to buy to invest in, and when and what to sell to earn us a profit."
"Hell. You can suck my cock if you want," I told Rose crudely, "but it won't help your business in any way. I'm only here because the City Lord is an ass and he's not worthy enough to do business with, while your establishment is."
"So relax. Kick off your airs. Let's get to know each other as friends, without the need to put on faces, and let's leave the business to our slaves since we both obviously trust ours so much," I proposed cheerfully, holding another coke out to Tabitha, while keeping another back for myself.
"You truly are a naughty, naughty boy," Rose chuckled lightly, licking her lips seductively. "Tossing all the rules of etiquette and business out the door in one foul swoop. I think we can definitely become friends," she purred sexily. "In fact, if you were just twenty years older…"
"Then I'd be twenty years more broken, like you," I told her sadly. This woman's eyes. Her pose. Her habits. Her posture. The spark of unfathomable brilliance flickering hidden in the depths of her eyes. Everything about Rose reminded me wholeheartedly of an older, more mature version of Maria. I don't know why – perhaps it takes one to truly recognize one – but I was certain the woman sitting before me was just as broken as any of the rest of us.
I found myself drawn to the deep hurt in her eyes, like a moth is drawn to a flame.
I truly think Rose is one of the few people that I actually could ever relate to enough to call a *true* friend. I don't know her story yet, and she doesn't know ours, but some deep part of my soul resonates just looking at her, screaming to me that she's a kindred spirit.
Fuck that asshole City Lord and the trash in his shop. The true treasure is sitting right here beside me, chuckling lightly to herself.