THIS WASN'T HOW February was supposed to be.

'Hey, Kylie!'

Kylie hayes stood as her friend came out of her office but she was unable to return Alora's smile. 'I've just got to go up to maternity to see a patient and then we can.....' Alora didn't finish her statement. Now she was closer she could see that her friend was barely holding it together, Kylie's eyes were brimming with tears, her long curly black hair looked as if she has been whipped up by the wind and she was just a thought breathless, thing as if she's been running. it quickly became clear to Alora that Kylie was not here for the Royal for their shopping date.

She wasn't.

Kylie has walked out of their antenatal appointment at the hospital where she worked and, like a homing cookies, had taken the underground to the Royal, where Alora was an obstetrics registrar. She has sat in panicked silence on the tube and, despite being five months pregnant and wearing a maxi dress and sandals, she has been one of those people up the escalator rather than standing and letting it take them to the top.

'You are not here for our shopping date, are you?'

Alora checked, and Kylie uncertainly recalled a date that they had made a couple of weeks ago. They were both supposed to finish at four today and the plan had been to hit the shops, given that kylie would know by now if she was having a baby girl or boy.

They had all planned it — they were going to head off for a late afternoon tea and kylie would reveal the sex of her baby. Then they would shop for baby things in the appropriate colours and choose shoes for Kylie and Jamal's wedding, which was just over seven weeks away.

That was how it was persumed to be.

This was how it was.

'You know how we discussed keeping things separate, remember?' Kylie felt as if her voice didn't belong to her as she spoke to her closet friend. 'Can I change my mind about that?'

And, because she and Alora has been friends since way back in University, and medical school she didn't have to explain what she meant.

'Of course, you can,' Alora said battling the feeling of fear. 'Let's go into my office.'

When Kylie had find out that she was carrying a baby she had discussed with her family doctor, and also her fiance, the potential downfall of having your closet friend as your obstetrician.

Against her own wishes, an esteemed colleague of Jamal's was now overseeing her pregnancy.

She has walked out on both of them today.

Now Kylie walked into her friend's office on shaky legs frightened and, for the first time as Alora's patient, took a seat, wondering how best to explain what has been going on in her life. The past four weeks she had dodged speaking with Alora as best as she could.

Alora poured her a glass of juice and kylie took a long drink as her friend waited patiently. At last she caught her breath enough for her to speak.

' I had an ultrasound a couple of weeks ago,' she started. There were some disturbing issues.... I know I could have spoken to you but Jamal wanted to wait for all the test results to be out before we told anyone. If we told anyone.....' Tears were now flowing thick and fast but she has run out of sobs and so was able to continue. ' The results are not good, Alora. They are not good at all, very bad. I had an amnio and my baby has EDWARDS SYNDROME....' Kylie explained further full form Edwards syndrome.'

She looked at her friend and saw Alora small swallow as she took in the diagnosis.

'What does Jamal say, what does he think about all of this?'

Not only had Kylie found out her baby was terribly sick, but also in these past four weeks her relationship had crumbled.

'Jamal says that it's not part of the plan.....well, he didn't have the guts to say it like that. He said that as a paediatrician he knows better than most what the baby would be up against and what we'd up against, the anomalies are very terrible. That there is really isn't much hope that it will survive the birth and if it does it's likely to live only for a few hours.' Her voice was starting to rise. 'He says that it's not our fault, that we've every chance of a healthy baby and so we should put it behind us and try again....' Kylie eyes flashed in anger and lightly kicked the table with her leg. 'He's a paediatrician for God's sake and he wants me to have a late abortion.....'

'What do you want, right now Kylie? Her friend gently broke in. 'Do you know even know what you want?'

' A healthy baby.'

Alora just looked

'And that's not going to happen,' Kylie said.