It all started when our uber geek, John butter man, woke up in a magical cornfield. It was the eighth time it had happened. Feeling abundantly puzzled, John butter man poked a wolverine, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). Like a drunken sailor at happy hour, he realized that his beloved Toaster was missing! Immediately he called his redheaded stepchild of a 'friend', Smoking chicken. John butter man had known Smoking chicken for (plus or minus) 20 years, the majority of which were enticing ones. Smoking chicken was unique. He was attractive though sometimes a little... selfish. John butter man called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.
Smoking chicken picked up to a very ecstatic John butter man. Smoking chicken calmly assured him that most albino cats yawn before mating, yet venomous koalas usually sassily sigh *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting John butter man. Why was Smoking chicken trying to distract John butter man? Because he had snuck out from John butter man's with the Toaster only seven days prior. It was a saucy little Toaster... how could he resist?
It didn't take long before John butter man got back to the subject at hand: his Toaster. Smoking chicken yawned. Relunctantly, Smoking chicken invited him over, assuring him they'd find the Toaster. John butter man grabbed his elephant and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Smoking chicken realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the Toaster and he had to do it carefully. He figured that if John butter man took the Jap Trap, he had take at least two minutes before John butter man would get there. But if he took the Idiotic car 001? Then Smoking chicken would be exceedingly screwed.
Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Smoking chicken was interrupted by six insensitive frogs that were lured by his Toaster. Smoking chicken cringed; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling worried, he carefully reached for his carrot and carefully slapped every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the foxy forest, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the Idiotic car 001 rolling up. It was John butter man.
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As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Big Lots to pick up a 12-pack of live hand grenades, so he knew he was running late. With a hasty leap, John butter man was out of the Idiotic car 001 and went charismatically jaunting toward Smoking chicken's front door. Meanwhile inside, Smoking chicken was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the Toaster into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind his rhinocerus. Smoking chicken was displeased but at least the Toaster was concealed. The doorbell rang.
'Come in,' Smoking chicken earnestly purred. With a hasty push, John butter man opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a magic flying carpet,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Smoking chicken assured him. John butter man took a seat tragically close to where Smoking chicken had hidden the Toaster. Smoking chicken grimaced trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted. But John butter man was distracted. Ever so extemperaneously, Smoking chicken noticed a oafish look on John butter man's face. John butter man slowly opened his mouth to speak.
'...What's that smell?'
Smoking chicken felt a stabbing pain in his armpit when John butter man asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the Toaster right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A oafish look started to form on John butter man's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's bananas from when she used to have pet South American hissing sloths. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. John butter man nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Smoking chicken could react, John butter man skillfully lunged toward the box and opened it. The Toaster was plainly in view.
John butter man stared at Smoking chicken for what what must've been three days. In a blinding moment of misguided bravado, Smoking chicken groped charismatically in John butter man's direction, clearly desperate. John butter man grabbed the Toaster and bolted for the door. It was locked. Smoking chicken let out a sassy chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, John butter man,' he rebuked. Smoking chicken always had been a little dimwitted, so John butter man knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Smoking chicken did something crazy, like... start chucking live hand grenades at him or something. Heart filled with earnest fortitude, he gripped his Toaster tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.
Smoking chicken looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from John butter man. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame ten days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for John butter man. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Smoking chicken walked over to the window and looked down. John butter man was gone.
----o0o----