It all started when our hyphen-happy protagonist, john butterman, woke up in a bush. It was the tenth time it had happened. Feeling abnormally exasperated, john butterman deflowered a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). Suddenly cheered up by the Hamtaro theme song, he realized that his beloved iPad was missing! Immediately he called his undeclared soulmate, idk.com. john butterman had known idk.com for (plus or minus) 61 years, the majority of which were striking ones. idk.com was unique. He was plucky though sometimes a little... selfish. john butterman called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.
idk.com picked up to a very unctuous john butterman. idk.com calmly assured him that most spotted wolf hamsters shudder before mating, yet Indonesian devil cats usually earnestly belch *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting john butterman. Why was idk.com trying to distract john butterman? Because he had snuck out from john butterman's with the iPad only two days prior. It was a saucy little iPad... how could he resist?
It didn't take long before john butterman got back to the subject at hand: his iPad. idk.com shuddered. Relunctantly, idk.com invited him over, assuring him they'd find the iPad. john butterman grabbed his rhinocerus and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, idk.com realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the iPad and he had to do it recklessly. He figured that if john butterman took the spaceship, he had take at least eight minutes before john butterman would get there. But if he took the Segway? Then idk.com would be abnormally screwed.
Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, idk.com was interrupted by three annoying marmots that were lured by his iPad. idk.com yawned; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling angered, he aimlessly reached for his ripened avocado and carefully poked every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the secret vineyard, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the Segway rolling up. It was john butterman.