I never thought I would fall this hard, never thought I was capable of love or being loved.
A King locked up in his high castle afraid of the people below. Afraid to Open up to anyone, but here I was; days after days, years after year, a King under her control, yearning for her affection, as I tried to let go of everything just so I can be close to her.
"I can't believe she's here" I said as I inhaled and exhaled dramatically.
My PA looked at me with a worrisome eye as I paced the room back and forth, while biting my finger nails.
His constant question "Are you okay" rang in my ears severally, making me on easy.
I had to send him away which gave us privacy, or should I say: gives me privacy to say all my nonsense with out being judged by the people around me.
Seriously how long have I had to wait and its happening "Again" for the second time, hopefully she won't run away from me this time.
I stared at her fiercely from the front door nervously as I locked it behind us, cause I didn't want anyone to walk in on us, as I made my way towards her. Questions began to form in my head: should I avoid her or just get this over with, will she be okay with my questions, but she kissed me. Its okay.
"Okay, truth be told I didn't plan this, or for it to happen" I said walking towards her "But you're my muse, and you've been for two years now. That day I met you changed my life forever. It made me a new person and also created something that I never knew was there to begin with" I spoke out as fast as I could not cutting of eye contact with her.
I took a deep breath "Precisely what am trying to say is I've been in love with you for five years now and I can't seem to get you off my mind" I spoke those in a weak tone as fast as I could, which left me breathless at the end of my speech.
I look at her in hopes of a response but all she did was stare. Why was she staring and not saying anything: do I look bad, is my makeup ruined, or doesn't she find me attractive but she kissed me. She wouldn't if she didn't fine me attractive, right?
O God, what if she doesn't find me attractive, she might not even be into Asian men.
Fuck. Fuck, she totally hates me
.
"Wow!" She said as I stayed in my corner panicking as she breaks the silence that filled the room. I looked up at her, her face giving off , that she knows. It felt like she knew all my stupid thoughts, stared at me for a while, as though calculating what to say next.
"I don't know what to say, but I think 'Wow' is appropriate" I couldn't help but speak suddenly as she completed those words.
"Please, don't hate me"
"Hate you?, why? For having feelings for a girl you know nothing about (okay that part sounds funny but it's natural, we fall in love with celebrities all the time and we don't even know them personally) turning her into inspiration for all your hit songs even though she never knew you were a musician and a song writer. How could I hate you for going after what you heart want" she said moving close to my direction.
Her putting it like that made me realize that it was in deed some what strange.
"The heart wants what it wants" she says with a big smile "but I hope you didn't jerk off while imagining what I'd look like naked and wrapped around your arms all sweaty? That be really nasty and sexy" giving me a naughty look with a dark smile.
I couldn't help but smile shyly, cause how did she know.
"But you know what I don't understand" she said "Why me?" She asked with an confused face.
"I don't know. When I first saw you, it felt...I felt sad and happy at the same time, it was a strange feeling I'd never felt before. It felt foreign-"
"Like me!" she said with a giggle interrupting my speech but I couldn't help but smile.
"Yea. Like you. It was exciting. It felt like I saw a new light, a light with amazing and fascinating colors that I'd never seen before. And it all stated the moment you stared at me" I told her boldly.
"It's felt like a rush of color came bursting in my eyes and it was intoxicating for me, I knew then that I needed to find you again" I spoke shyly but her smile kept on growing bigger.
We stood there in an awkward silence for a second before Agent Kim banged the door really loud.
He call out to me to open. When I did he walked in and announced that the video shoot was about to start, while he was looking at Dora. I could see his disapproval written all over his face. But did I care, no.
Left alone, I didn't want to live her alone but I knew I had to, can't back out now from the movie project but I also felt as though if I did move from here it might truly be the last time I'd ever get to see her.
"Go!, all wait for you" Dora said with a smile, which was the only assurance I needed to go on.
As we left the room Manager Kim give me a nasty look, but all I did in return was smile like a love struck puppy.
As I shot my final scene for the day, I was happy and relieved to be here today, chosen to work on this project and the fact it helped me meet my 'Sun' again.
Years! Years after years, I thought, we finally get to meet. But when I got back to the room, she was know where to be found.
Please, not again.