When I saw the noise vast field like a step of wildflowers and nothing more I realize that I was in Forêt that I was dead and then I was actually in paradise. I ended up looking around those wildflowers everywhere and then there was an old man in the name of One of many form Allah useto commune with people in visions. What the heck did I know this was a vision I was looking at the rain to the yards of my own maker and I was scared that I was going in there never wake up from the second passing out. Let me tell you I did not pass out because of alcohol drugs or smoking or being high I was actually just trying to go to the bathroom and felt weak and then got came to from that and got back up on my feet which was a stupid stand and knocked my head over on my record player and therefore causing this. I was naked on the floor for quite some time I was afraid someone was going to call the ambulance on me or discover me naked. But that wasn't the worst part the worst part was that I was in paradise and it wasn't my time to go yet and I was looking at the eyes of my maker the creator y'all supreme being the compassionate and merciful God alllah. In the vision of paradise which I didn't know was a reason that first one is the fact that I was dressed he must address my spirit or soul so I can go in the paradise he started as a whip up a conversation with me I don't know what the conversation was really about because I can't remember some thing about forgiveness.
"If you can be kind enough to save someone's life without warning reward then you should be kind enough to be able to forgive," He said the old man Allah form in old man. "If I can forgive the worst of the worst then you can forgive your mother for what she has done to you years ago."
I ended up cursing and swearing on for my brass the old man the form that I was taking and was hugging me telling me that it's OK to be angry and then it's only right to be angry when someone betrays you. I ended up wanting to cry I thought I was still dead.
"If she went to a terrorist country and so are you being tortured and scoop you out of that situation at the age of two you should be able to forgive her let alone repair with material items every Christmas why can't you forgive her the woman who save your life."
" because she went behind my back and my father is back and was having a online affair with a terrorist and was ruining my life and my father's life causing too much toxic drama to the point where I had to leave." I said
Allah mentioned that I was doing very well in the group home and I was doing very well growing and spreading my wings and becoming a beautiful person. Something my mother has been telling me as well. That I've been doing very well with my writing and my art and photography and music as well as being humble and acknowledging my anger in other words I was growing as a person he said. Some thing that I couldn't do inside my original home. It had to happen sooner or later
I was perplexed and really yard taken by and I said like why my mother says the same thing that I'm growing as a human being and that I am doing better but I lack forgiveness. But then again I can forgive people with disabilities because I understand them more than I can understand a normal person. I told Ella that I do not like normal people that I like people with disabilities more because they were more my speed even though my IQ was 196. I said they show a brain in their head through their behaviour is good or bad. I can show compassion to normal people but I cannot show forgiveness.
" why is that child," He said. "you should forgive everyone like I can forgive everyone...…You don't have to forgive all but you can forgive the one that saved your life and then this will all be yours and you'll be purified." When really I was more concerned about the fucking ambulance excuse my French but I really despise hospitals and ambulances so I was more concerned about that than being purified by God or Allah.
I was getting frustrated with the fact that I still on there as well it was a pleasant looking field of flowers and wildflowers the gardens in paradise but I was getting fed up with the conversation and I was going to start to walk away when I called and my body has shut down completely and I have crash so are there is no going back I thought I had no choice but to continue the conversation and talk to Allah who is in the form of an old man.
" it's very easy to forgive it's very good for the soul and mind trying to do it at least once in your life you might be happy you might not be but give it a go"
Yes I was able to forgive people I for gave my brother Brian for being a drunk fuck and for Jon For being a Very conservative in his ways and calling my mother an alcoholic and once an alcoholic always an alcoholic something I didn't like to hear yeah I was able to forgive both of them for their mistakes and meagre behaviours.
I still have contact with my brother Brian and contact with my brother John whenever I feel like it sometimes I talk to them sometimes I don't. It depends on my mood or if I want to talk to someone else other than my mother even though I do not forgive her. And I told her Allah in the gardens of paradise but I can forgive political and mental dispositions but I cannot forgive terrorists they have destroyed our religion and have destroyed our our Reputation.