As of right now I was still lying on my floor naked butt dressed to the hilt and Paradise a place similar to the heavens and lovely bones but more beautiful than ever and I was talking to Allah again about forgiveness. He kept saying if you can give her Christmas gifts and be polite to her most of the time why can't you forgive her. I tried every bottle but I couldn't I said I don't care if I miss out on having she has done a lot of damage. That I didn't appreciate in the first place with this jihadist who was not a good guy.
I had many of those conversation with my mental health worker and the worker is it at my group home But they never got through to me even less he couldn't get through to me and say you have to forgive your mother and you're using strong language. But the people didn't understand that oh I saw his profile on Facebook and it said red flags to my brain and flashbacks about 911 and other horseshit. And I try to drive bathroom I threw their Ridiculous brains but I was not able to get through to them that she was having an affair with a jihadist. That my father was the one who is taken advantage of for 44 years of his goddamn life.
But I also was more than convinced that this guy that my mother was talking to was going to go to hell as a mischief maker some thing that is again as I said frowned upon in the Quran from the get go and I told hour that my mother could've been a isis bride if she were alive.
"Did Musa say that we should respect our mothers and fathers you are being very abusive to your mother because of her lack of thinking."
" yes Musa Moses has said that we are to respect our mothers and fathers but he also said not to come here adultery and they'll shall not kill. I was very adamant on what I'm saying and I believe that the 10 Commandments were right about everything that I went through you do not commit adultery but then again you don't kill but there are you can forgive your mother and father but I chose not to respect my mother or forgive her. I I admit I was very tough on her I'm very maybe even abusive to my mother verbally for what she has done and called her all kinds of names on the book at first and then blamed her for PTSD flashbacks and rages and nightmares all the way up to present day right now as I stand here in Paradise. But this guy has caused me DRD dissociative personality disorder or dissociative identity disorder at the age of 31 and I have been nothing more than miserable because of him and scared out of my words I couldn't sleep for months after I threatened him with Interpol. Why should I even bother.
I now have three different personalities are psychotic doctor name Lisa psychotic FBI agent and I don't know what her name is And psychotic teenager named bubbles. Those are my sub personalities caused by this Mohamady Stephan."
Allah there and said that he will deal with Mohamady by casting him into the hellfire and then I should forgive my mother for what she has done drinking to herself to death and also acting a fool and not being safe online. I said I rekindle the relationship to her but I could not help but not except her mistakes and cannot forgive her there's argument continued on it wasn't really a phrase or a violent argument more like an intellectual conversation.
I asked more of the real true meaning of being human wise and what the real true meaning of life is because I've been asking that since I've been in high school before even before I convert Islam or reverted Islam.
"Well child life is not about being happy it's about having emotions are supposed to be valid. But it also means to be kind to others and to be kind is not dressed also putting a pillow under someone's head when they're having a seizure. There are different kinds of kindness what are you showing his physical kindness now it's time to show emotional and mental kindness not trust to your mother but her self if you forgive someone you are able to let go of things more easily."
"I did forgive one bully in elementary school and we became fast friends on Facebook I still cherish the friendship to their state even know we have grown apart again but he has not called me a spaz or a retard because of our disagreement or falling out I still forgive him for what he has done to me he was no different from me mentally kill," I said. "What is a very good feeling but this pill right now is very hard to swallow if you can understand that."
"Child I understand that you have been through a lot in your life suicide attempts cells harm and other horrible things inflicted by other people both mentally physically and verbally. But we have to forgive her for what she has done she's done more good in your life than she has done bad" Allah Said. " I have seen the pain that you are injured both physically mentally and verbally and that is valid but you cannot condemn one kind person for a terrorist activities in fact you cannot condemn a person for another horrific actions."
I said beside à la thanking while sitting on the bench thinking to myself maybe this has some water to it anyway it has helped me in the past with Christian Cameron show me as well happened to me now and my ease my suffering without doing stupid stuff. Because if I do stupid stuff Isis wins and Al-Qaeda wins. And I don't want those guys to win but then Again I don't not want to be quick with my forgiveness towards my mother. But then again if I'm able to forgive one alcoholic I can forgive another and my brother isn't always right about once an alcoholic always an alcoholic that is just a pile of BS.