Felixa couldn't believe what she heard, but she had no means to verify it either. All she felt was a terrible pain in her chest that almost brought back that sinking feeling.
She concluded she was the Rose Knight by the familiar feeling that name brought her when she saw that memory. But hearing this, all she felt was pain. She couldn't discern why she is feeling the pain.
[Is it because I feel remorse for betraying the King? Was the sneering voice I keep on hearing, the voice of the King? Or... was I the one who got betrayed? ]
Felixa's heart churned with confusion. She had no memory of who she is. She cannot decide whether she is someone who would betray her king or not.
But in front of Flavia, she tried to hide her emotions.
All she knows for sure is that she is the Rose Knight and she is the one believed to have betrayed the Great King of the Lethusian Empire- the ancestor of the man she is now married to.
She is the traitor according to someone close to the Brute. That is reason enough for her to stay alert.
"Where did you hear that name?" Flavia asked.
Although she was smiling, Felixa could sense a little wariness in her eyes.
"Oh," Felixa let out a chuckle, "I heard the servants in the horse stable talking about him in the morning. They thought the Rose Knight was a hero."
With no qualms, Felixa blamed the guys who were trying to hurt her earlier. With the scrawny physique she has now, she has no means to fight her way out of anything unless she uses magic and she wasn't very sure about it either. She has to use other means to stay alive.
[Whether in honor or disgrace, to make a report with the greatest fidelity to the truth!]
Felixa remembered the Knight's honor code she recited once upon a time and her lips curled to a smile, mocking herself.
[Who knows? With how I am acting now, it is not hard to conclude that I am someone without honor! But still... I want to survive!]
"Men from the stables?" Flavia looked at her and Felixa nodded. "That's...I need to report them to Julius... That talk could be considered as treacherous."
Felixa blinked her eyes as if she didn't understand what might happen to those men.
[Well, they did try to hurt a weak woman. Death is a proper outcome. Does it matter why they are getting punished? No!]
"And... Isn't it the lore around here that a Hero will be born and will bring the end of the Lethusian Empire?" Flavia got into gossiping. "In our Lethusia we believe him to be the reincarnation of the Rose Knight. The hero the people from Deberia talk about..." Flavia went on talking and Felixa sank in her own thoughts.
[Him? That's right! I am a man? Or... wait... It matters not, does it?]
"Flavia, didn't you say that the Knight who betrayed the Great King suffered Damnatio Memoriae? How do you know he was called the Rose Knight?" Felixa questioned.
"Oh, that's very interesting..." Flavia said as she started to dry her hair. "This is how I heard it... The Great King, although was betrayed, still couldn't forget the Knights who betrayed him. He was very fond of writing and in some of the journals he wrote when he was nearing his demise, he mentioned someone called 'Rose' and that he missed that person. It was kept hidden until some decades ago..."
Flavia started to brush Felixa's hair.
"They assumed Rose was one of his lovers, but no woman by his side was named 'Rose'. Combined with all the folklores among the commoners, it was strongly believed that the Great King might have been very fond of this particular Knight who betrayed him – the Knight dubbed 'The Rose Knight'. It's all speculation anyway..."
Flavia explained.
"Was this Rose Knight a woman?" Felixa asked as she couldn't confine her curiosity.
Flavia laughed. "A woman as a Knight? Women weren't allowed on battlefields then. Even now only women who are healers are allowed to get near the battlefield..." she shook her head as if she had heard something absurd.
"Women as Knights..? You wouldn't want the enemies to laugh at us for making our women defend our Kingdom, do we?"
Superficailly, it might seem like the women are getting protected based on that statement. But Felixa found it wrong.
[Why can't women defend something they love? What if a woman wanted to fight for her Kingdom? How can her wish to be denied? Just to make men feel better about themselves, women were denied?]
Felixa had a lot of questions.
"And... how many noblewomen you know want to take a sword and fight for their Kingdom? How many would be willing to stay in rain and shine without rest, going through arduous training, leaving their relaxed life at their castles? How many won't faint at the sight of a sword piercing the guts of the enemies... It's all, complicated," Flavia added and Felixa nodded.
[She does make sense. But still...What if a woman is willing to go through all that? Will she be allowed to become a squire? Will she be allowed to learn swordplay?
Wait... Why do I care?
I have other important questions to ask. I better not bring up anything about the Rose Knight again. What is that about me being a Hero bringing an end to Lethusia? I don't want to become a Hero. I just want to survive!]
"And it is something I should ask," Flavia asked as she dressed Felixa in a chemise. "Have you been on the rag yet, Felixa?"
"On the rag..?"
It took a bit of time before Felixa understood Flavia is asking about menstruation. And together with that, in came a bunch of memories of Wispy. And of course, none of them were pleasant.
Wispy was called dirty and they'd hit her for getting near any of the items of furniture. They'd throw her out in the cold and her usual place in the horse stable will be denied in those days. Thankfully, there weren't a lot of 'those' days.
"Yes, five times till now...It comes once a year," Felixa told Flavia what she remembered without thinking much.
"How old are you? Flavia sounded a bit concerned.
"I am twenty-one," Felixa said although she might seem suspicious. That is her age, after all.
"That is... " Flavia sank into deep thoughts and she held her cheek. "I'll see what I can do..."
[About what?]
Felixa wondered but didn't say anything. For some reason, she didn't find the maid unpleasant. She had a motherly nature to her.
"Flavia, I don't know how to make a bed for the bedding ceremony. Will you teach me first?" Felixa decided to ask as she was brought through the hallways to the room where the ceremony was arranged.
For the first time, she saw the resplendence of her home. She was never allowed in this part of the house even for cleaning duties. And so she started staring.
"Make a bed for the bedding-" Flavia's shocked expression made Felixa look at her.
With her eyes widened and mouth covered with her hands, Flavia appeared too stunned for words. She looked petrified and stood motionless for a moment.
"Oh, dear... did you think you were going to make a bed during the bedding ceremony?" Flavia asked and Felixa nodded, reluctantly.
[Was I wrong?]
"What else should I do?" Felixa asked and Flavia let out a deep, loud, exasperated sigh.
"Come with me," Flavia grabbed Felixa's hand and brought her to a room with a big door. There were a couple of Knights standing guard in front of the door and seeing them, they stepped aside.
"Wait inside for a moment," Flavia pushed Felixa inside the room and closed the door.
"Where is he?" Flavia asked Julius who was one of the guards standing by the door. There was perspiration on her forehead and she was anxious. "Just tell him he cannot-"
Julius held Flavia by her shoulders. "Darling, he's in already," he said furrowing his brows.
"No!" Flavia shrugged off Julius' hands and walked towards the door. "Tell him to-"
Before Flavia reached the door, Julius grabbed her and pushed her on the wall. She heard the door getting locked and she closed her eyes.
Sigh!