Content Warning: May include mentions of self-harm that may be uncomfortable for some readers.
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"Nanny Rong… do you feel that you don't belong in this world?"
A'Hong picked up a fallen leaf from the pile he swept up earlier, holding it to the moon such that the soft moonlight shone through it, the glow illuminating an incredibly intricate pattern.
"For a world so beautiful, why can there be no place for ugly me?" His voice dropped. "Sometimes, I wonder if this world was created so beautiful so that it would be even more so as it was destroyed."
In a clean flick of the wrist, he tore the leaf into two halves. Then four quarters. Then eight parts. Only when he tore the leaf apart so much that he was instead scraping away at his own skin and fingernails did he let go, allowing the countless pieces of near-powdered leaf to fall to the ground.
Nearly clenching his teeth, he squeezed out a few words, "And maybe we all have the power to destroy it. Maybe even little me."
Images of A'Hong's future counterpart's death flashed before Kesi's mind. A drop of the axe, and a split of the skull. A sprinkle of blood, and a pool of brains.
Even someone with as much blood debt as Kesi herself had been given an alternative fate. So what horrors could any human ever commit to be sentenced to such a gruesome death?
And seeing A'Hong's scrawny figure, somehow, until this split second, the dots never connected. But now with A'Hong's crazed look, Kesi sensed something more omniscient lurking under his innocent appearance.
There was almost a trace of a devil tucked away and carefully stitched into an otherwise angelic figure, a single spot of shadow that ate away at the light until there was absolutely no hope left all all. By then, the strings would snap, and the guillotine would drop.
"A'Hong…"
Suddenly, A'Hong fished a knife from his inner robes, slightly rusty at the edges.
"Nanny Rong…" He slowly approached Kesi, his small figure shaking uncontrollably until he cornered her against a hedge.
Seeing the knife pointed straight for her heart, Kesi involuntarily gulped. With her current state, there would be no way for her to fight back against A'Hong. Not only was her body's age unfit for any sort of action, the wounds from a few days ago also had not fully healed.
She searched her brain for any alternative ways. She couldn't outrun him. She couldn't force him to wake up to the realities. And she couldn't reason with a man this drunk…
"Nanny Rong…" His eyes were bloodshot, glowing an eerie shade of red in the otherwise dark night, and he licked his lips as he walked closer and closer.
Nervously, he twisted the hilt of the knife back and forth, and the dull blade gleamed strangely yet dangerously.
Kesi stepped backward, but she hit the cold garden wall.
Surprisingly, her heart did not thump wildly or threaten to burst out of chest. Perhaps the training from the previous lifetime had somehow transferred over so that she wasn't easily frightened. Or rather, all of her senses were distorted such that she felt no hint of fear even when she knew that she should.
There was even a little part of her conscience that craved to see what sort of horror A'Hong could come up with. Kesi tried to brush it away, but this little thought nagged at the back of her head, bloodthirsty for any blood to be spilled, even if it was her own.
A'Hong extended his arm forward…
Kesi looked him straight in the eyes. If she was going to die here, she wanted to see how it was done, and at least she could critique him on his skill as she was about to pass away.
The knife never reached her.
In fact, it never even approached her.
In one swift motion, A'Hong brought the blade to his own neck, a lost look in his eyes as he pushed his back against the wall, as if using the sad piece of cobblestone to support his entire existence.
His hands shook violently as the knife hovered merely millimeters above his skin, and with a single large movement, the blade would cut through flesh and blood vessels, leaving him dead.
If she was unfazed before, Kesi was shocked now. She had been anticipating a cut to her own body, and the sight before her was somehow scarier than potentially losing her own life.
Memories long tucked away surfaced. So much blood would be spilled if that single cut found its mark, flooding the floor in a crimson wave.
Someone a long time ago had taken his life this way, and this time, Kesi had no intentions of letting the scene replay before her again.
"That's all? I'm disappointed." She chastised, nodding to A'Hong as if she was utterly not convinced.
His lips quivered.
"I thought you were better than that. Your entire life has been taken by your so-called father and elder brother. But instead, the one choice that you make for yourself is to end your life entirely."
Heaving a long sigh, Kesi scanned for A'Hong's expressions from the corner of her eye.
There was a moment of silence.
"Nanny…"
A tear slid down his face.
"Nanny Rong…"
Then another.
"Nanny Rong, when did it all go wrong?"
The knife dropped to the ground, hitting the floor crisply.
"Was it when my father told me to enter the palace as an eunuch to provide a better life for my elder brother, and I never said no?"
His slightly high-pitched voice cracked.
"When everyone expected for me to give parts of my meals and switch my new clothes for my elder brother's old ones?"
He slumped against the wall again, sliding down until his face was buried in his palms as he collapsed into a little heap on the ground.
"Or when I was born."
Although he was covering his face, Kesi could tell that he was sobbing.
"Maybe it was all wrong when I was born."