The pot began to boil. He poured the hot water from the kettle with his tea leaves. Like most days, nothing eventful seemed to happen, if it wasn't for the flashes of memories, he couldn't keep out of his mind. As he waited for the tea to brew, he gathered the ingredients for breakfast.
While he had stayed with Nite, and as he learned more about him, he found out the young man rarely had enjoyed his food. He liked sweet things, like fruits and cakes and baked goods. That didn't mean that Seymore stopped giving him vegetables, soups, stews, or roasts', he simply just tried to make his meals more enjoyable. He had cooked for the Madam's liking for years, but now he didn't need to.
Seymore could eat almost anything. He liked the fine dining from North, or exotic treats from the East, but he wasn't a picky eater. Whether he cooked for the Madam's taste or Nite's wasn't that important to him.
It wasn't like Nite starved, or anything. He had feared that at first when it occurred to him that the sorcerer didn't like his food, and compared it to how thin he was. As the weeks had turned to months, Nite still didn't gain any weight. He just didn't recent eating, anymore.
While his mother was gone, Nite was in charge of the castle. He didn't really care what Seymore did, what parts of the castle he tended to, or what kind of food he cooked, as long as he didn't disturb him while he studied. The troll had taken care of the castle alone for years, so his days weren't that different now.
Except for the fact that he didn't wake up alone, anymore. While his days were spent as he used to, and his evenings were spent reading books he had never read before, his nights were spent with gentle caresses and needy noises.
To say that he disliked this, would be a lie. Although he had a hard time figuring out how he really felt about the whole ordeal, he couldn't deny that he was just a troll, and being touched was nice. Just thinking about it made him feel warm.
It hadn't bothered him for years, that he hadn't had sex since before he arrived at the castle. In the beginning, it did. For more reasons than just the lack of touch and intimacy, he had with his former lover. But then, his body almost forgot what it felt like, to be touched.
What Nite lacked in social skills and experience, he made up for with curiosity and his willingness to adapt. He asked questions, how to touch the troll better, and was always interested in new things Seymore would introduce him to.
Nite didn't fear Seymore. He didn't find him icky, or he didn't show it, at least. Of all the times he could do so, he didn't treat Seymore as his slave or as a lower race than himself. If anything, he treated him as his teacher and with the most respect, Seymore had ever experienced.
With a relieved sigh, he drank the hot tea, which finally was done. It calmed him down, as to wash away another night of gods knew what he did with the sorcerer, to prepare him for yet another day.
He assembled Nite's breakfast, grabbed himself a piece of bread, and went to his Master's bed chambers. He knew he wasn't there, but he still placed the plates in his room, knowing that Nite would come back in there as soon as he awoke.
Seymore actually didn't know if Nite went straight to his room. He always made sure to get out before Nite woke up, and often he would make sure to clean other parts of the castle, so he wouldn't run into the young man right after he stepped out of the basement chamber. As time passed through the day, the memories of the night would have faded ever so slightly, or just enough to make him brave enough to come back to this part of the castle, to make lunch and small tidy-ups the rooms needed.
Nite's room and his study chamber were the only places he didn't really touch or enter, besides bringing him breakfast or lunch there. He ate most of his dinners in the small dining area beside the kitchen. Sometimes Seymore joined him, but he would mostly decline the young man's invitation. He felt weird eating with others, and that hadn't changed with their sudden intimacy.
He had feared that Nite maybe fell for him, but with time, things had taken a turn. Seymore didn't want another lover, Seymore never wanted another lover, but mostly, he didn't want it to be Nite. Not because he wasn't beautiful enough, and surprisingly not because he feared he would treat him badly, but he didn't want Nite to go through the things he had, himself.
Maybe people were more understanding in the Center Isles, but here in the West, they weren't keen on queers. Maybe some species were, but Seymore had never seen anything that made him feel normal or at home, being attracted to guys as well. And he didn't want Nite to go through life, which was so far off normal in the first place, feeling that he was wrong for this as well.
While Seymore didn't downright was in love with Nite, he feared he maybe would if he got too friendly with the human. If he made Nite smile too many times. If they woke up together, if he kissed him…
He blushed and hurried out of the room by the thought. He didn't want to think that through. He hurried past his own chamber, faintly hearing light snoring from downstairs, before he went on with his day, in a fog of his thoughts and memories from the past months…
… ,,Stairs?'' the troll asked confused. Nite looked down into the basement chamber, nodding slightly. Seymore had brought an unused shelf down into his room, which finely housed his sparse possessions, besides a chair with a candelabra on it, he used for reading in the evenings. While his room seemed more decorated and welcoming than his former had done, he still felt some uneasiness as Nite inspected the room.
,,Yerh, stairs,'' he said again, finally remembering that Seymore was right in front of him. ,,I mean, do you want stairs?'' Seymore looked a little skeptical at the young man.
,,I mean… Yes, but how? I don't mind the ladder, and I don't see how to build a staircase into the room…'' he said slowly.
,,I can make it,'' Nite shrugged, but Seymore didn't seem convinced. ,,Yes, with magic, oh you fearful troll,'' he said dramatically. Seymore chuckled a little by this, making Nite seem irritated again.
,,I don't know, sir. Wouldn't that be hard to do?'' Seymore asked.
,,I don't know, I never tried,'' he admitted, unregretfully. The troll really wanted to see the best in Nite, and he wanted to believe that the young man did it to be nice to him, but on the other hand, he also knew that Nite had something new he wanted to test out. He sighed as he looked down into his chamber, debating with himself whether or not he would risk burning or otherwise destroying his belongings if he didn't clear them from the room first.
,,Would there even be space for a whole staircase?'' he asked slowly.
,,Well, I would need to remove a little of the hallway. And then do it pretty close to the wall, so it wouldn't just take up all of your space,'' he said, as he walked around the entrance to the room.
Seymore much more wanted a door than a staircase, but he was unsure how Nite would respond to that. And in worst-case scenarios, Seymore could always move back to his former chamber, should the damage be irreversible.
,,Sure, go for it,'' he said, smiling as he looked at the sorcerer, that seemed rather enthusiastic about the project. ,,Just let me grab my stuff. Not that I don't expect it to go right, but you know… Just in case…'' he said, as he grabbed everything out of the room. ,,I… will leave you for a while, sir.''
,,That's alright. I'll find you when I'm done,'' he said proudly, cracking his fingers as a warm-up.
Seymore didn't know much about magic, but he knew there were different kinds. Some species were born with it, and most species were able to learn some kind of magic. And yet some were magically handicapped. Some chose not to use magic, and for some, it didn't interest them at all. For some species, it depended on their location as well. The merfolk in South did a lot of ritual magic, while the merfolk in North rarely did so. He had learned that, as all Nite really talked about were magic, in one way or another.
He knew Nite was born with some kind of magic, but mostly, Nite studied magic. It was his interest, his passion, and while he was young and still had a lot to learn, he had a flair for it, as far as Seymore knew. But he didn't really know the extent of his abilities. Making staircases didn't sound like textbook examples of magic.
Aenamo, the land in the skies, was filled with magic. Magic was like an invisible force, that gave life to so many creatures, plant life, and technology, that Vaihines, the Mainland, never had and never would see. While Seymore had never seen the Mainland, he knew they didn't have the same kind of technology that Aenamo had, and it was all thanks to the magic, that flew across the realms as invisible rivers, as if it was just something in the air. So even if Seymore didn't really feel comfortable with magic, he was still thankful for the things it could do.
He placed his boxed belongings, as well as his mattress, in the big hallway that led to the entrance hall. Then he started to clean; first the hallway, then the entrance. He even managed to go through the big kitchen, the dining hall, and two of the bathrooms on the first floor. It was rather late when it finally occurred to him that Nite hadn't been by to talk to him. He needed to make lunch, anyway, so he headed back to the sorcerer's part of the castle, but he found him nowhere.
Seymore made lunch, cleaned the kitchen, and quietly searched for his Master. Nite wasn't in his study chamber, not in his room, and not in the basement chamber, which still didn't have a staircase. He almost panicked, thinking Nite had left as soon as he got a chance, before he heard the strange sound of buckets rolling around from the big hallway.
And there he was, in his oversized, greyish sweater, wide-eyed, as if he had been caught doing mischiefs.
,,Nite, where were you?'' Seymore said hastily as he hurried over to the younger man.
,,In the closet,'' he said. ,,I needed a bucket. Everything exploded,'' he explained. The troll was suddenly taken aback, but he soon realized what the human had meant. The days had been way too long for the older man at this point, he thought, if his thoughts drifted this violently.
,,Everything looked fine,'' he assured him, but Nite just rolled his eyes.
,,Yes, because I cleaned it, of course,'' he said. ,,Or, I removed the worst parts, and cleaned the rest…'' he mumbled. Then he seemed utterly enraged the next moment, out of nowhere. ,,Why can't I make it work?!''
,,Relax, sir. Magic takes a lot of time. You're very well educated already,'' he guaranteed him with a nervous smile, but Nite would have none of it.
,,No, it's not good enough! I should be better! She built the whole castle, why can't I make a single, damn staircase?!'' he said through gritted teeth, clearly referring to his mother.
,,She was older…'' he tried.
,,Not by much,'' he barked. ,,And she shouldn't even have been able to do such stuff! I'm the one born with magic; I should surpass her easily!'' he shouted.
Seymore let Nite calm down for a moment, just watching the small human groan and hiss at himself before he suddenly realized what he had just said.
,,What do you mean by 'born with magic'? Isn't Willa-, I mean, your mother, born with magic as well?'' he asked. He had always thought so, and the Madam had never made him believe so otherwise. Nite's rage faded as suddenly as it had occurred, and he looked surprised up at the troll.
,,What? No, she isn't. Humans aren't born with magic in Vaihines,'' he said irritated.
,,I always thought… that it was just a story… No one really finds Aenamo, if they're from the Mainland…'' he said slowly, doubtingly. There had always been stories about the Madam being from the Mainland, but he had never asked her, never dared to, always just assuming it was a story she had made up.
,,Of course they do, troll,'' he bit back. ,,It's just not very often they do so. It's very hard to get up here,'' he said, as if he talked with someone less intelligent than him. ,,Why don't you know that?''
,,I… I do, but I thought it was just stories… Trolls aren't educated in history like that, not in the West, at least,'' he protested. No one knew much about Aenamo, other than it some point had been part of the Mainland. But how it separated itself, people only had stories and theories about, although Nite spoke with such insight that it was hard not to believe him. The sorcerer shrugged, but suddenly looked worried, as if he needed the stories to tell truths.
,,Well… Maybe it is just stories… Maybe some parts are true, while others are just legends, but… I do believe her, when she talks about the Mainland. That's the only thing she really seems sincere about,'' he said, strangely softly, as when he had spoken to himself. And while Seymore wasn't sure if the stories were just that, he could tell Nite did not doubt the sincerity of their truth. An odd sight, as he seemed to bicker and doubt about every other thing his mother did or say.
,,Either way,'' Seymore said, reclaiming Nite's attention again, ,,you're still very skilled for your age, sir. Maybe you're not ready to build a castle or a couple of staircases, but I've heard how talented you are,'' he tried.
Nite pouted and looked away, seemingly flustered by the troll's kind words. Seymore then took the bucket away from the sorcerer, leading the way for the lunch table. He hadn't left the plate in Nite's room, as he had already seen that the young man wasn't in there.
,,I can bring it to your room if you want to wash up, sir,'' he said as he prepared his own meal. Seymore liked to have heavier meals in the evening and afternoon, and he admittedly didn't really want his Master to see his serving size. But Nite didn't budge, and just sat down.
,,There's no need to. My hands are clean, and I don't mind… company,'' he said slowly, looking at the food. A slight grimace went over his face when he saw the cooked vegetables beside his potatoes. Seymore chuckled lightly, as he slowly sat down in front of the young man at the table.
,,You don't really like vegetables, do you?'' he asked. Nite usually ate some of his greens, not all of them, he knew that, but he had never really thought much about it.
,,No, they have a weird texture,'' he muttered, poking them unflattering with his fork. ,,But you do, I see,'' he said nonchalantly as Seymore began to eat. The troll stopped mid-air before he lowered his fork, which made Nite realize that he said it out loud.
,,I like to get a variety of foods. I mostly eat what I serve,'' he said, pitching them both water to their meals. ,,I always cooked a lot of different foods for your mother. She likes colorful plates, including a lot of vegetables. I don't mind that, but I need a lot of fuel,'' he explained. ,,Maybe… Maybe not this much, but I have only so much time to bad habits, might as well be indulging in food,'' he smiled tiredly.
,,I didn't mean…'' Nite tried, but let the topic die down. ,,The potatoes are fine,'' he said instead, eating quietly again.
,,What do you like? I can cook whatever you want. Remember, you're my boss now,'' he tried playfully.
,,I'm always you're boss, troll,'' he said sharply. ,,I like sweets, but I know I can't have cake all the time. I'm not insane,'' he said as he rolled his eyes. ,,Pies, cookies, pastries… It's not often that my mother requests it, but the times she does…'' He almost smiled, in a way that seemed so awfully pained.
,,Well then, you're very mature to listen to,'' Seymore chuckled. ,,I wasn't as smart about things when I was your age. When my parents weren't home, my siblings and I would do just that; indulge on sweets.'' The pained smile founds Seymore's lips instead. ,,I actually learned how to bake from my sister. She makes much prettier cakes, but they taste the same,'' he assured him.
,,I didn't know trolls baked,'' he said.
,,I don't know if that's a common troll thing, actually. Most trolls eat simple and as raw as possible,'' he explained. ,,But my parents didn't have a lot of money, so we made our sweets ourselves.''
,,Smart move,'' he said, poking another carrot before he slowly ate it. ,,What about pies? Meat pies, that is, not just the sweet ones. Or… ugh, vegetable pies, I guess, if we really have to.''
,,I can make that, sir,'' he said, finishing his plate. If Seymore was fast at eating, or Nite just slow, wasn't fully clear, but Nite had barely eaten three-quarters, while Seymore's plate had been full to the brim. At first, the troll seemed embarrassed by this, but as Nite didn't acknowledge it, he seemed to relax again.
When the Madam had still been here, Nite usually ate alone. Every now and again, he would join his mother for dinner, but there would always be some arguing or bickering about it, and usually, he didn't eat much at these dinners. Seymore always ate alone. He didn't like to eat with anyone, anymore, but he did want to build some sort of trust with the young man, thus compromising his own comfort for Nite's.
,,Is there anything else I can do for you, sir? If not, I'll get back to my chores,'' Seymore said, trying not to seem in a hurry.
,,No, it's fine,'' he said slowly, still trying to finish his plate.
,,Are you still thinking about the staircase?'' Seymore tried when Nite seemed to be lost in thoughts. ,,It doesn't really bother me with the ladder, sir. I'm a strong troll, it's easy to pull myself up from the room,'' he assured him.
,,Well it's very kind of you, but to be frank, it's for practicing,'' Nite scoffed. Seymore had guessed as much already. ,,I mean, I still wanted to do something… for you, I guess, but it was an easy way to test out some things,'' he admitted.
,,That's alright, too. But why does it matter so much if you surpass your mother? To my knowledge, you're very skilled for a human. Only a few sorcerers can do like you,'' he said slowly.
,,Why? Why?'' he said, seemingly angry, but then he simmered down again. ,,Now, why is it?'' he asked himself softly. ,,It's because… She wanted an heir, right? She wanted someone who could take over her studies, at some point. A human's lifespan is so fragile. She knows she won't live forever,'' he said slowly, as if he recited something he had learned a long time ago. It surprised the troll, but he didn't want to interrupt. ,,But if I can't surpass her, there's no way I can finish her projects. That's why she travels, there's something she's working on. But she won't tell me until I'm older and stronger,'' he said annoyed.
,,That makes sense,'' Seymore said, leaning forward as he listened to the young man. ,,I never asked many questions about her travels. I just did as I was told,'' he shrugged. ,,But, what do you want to do, Nite? Your life is yours. You're not in this world, to take over hers.''
He sometimes forgot how secluded Nite was. The castle didn't get any guests, and since the last maids and servants left, there were only Seymore and the Madam. The troll wasn't sure if Nite could even remember the old staff. All the young man knew of, was Seymore and his own mother.
It looked like he had never thought about what he wanted in life. Seymore didn't expect Willa to ask her son such questions, either. While the Madam was kind in many ways, it didn't seem like she had been as kind or patient with her own son, as Seymore had believed her to be. All the more reason for him, to try to make up for that, he thought.
,,What I want?'' he said slowly. ,,I don't know. I think I do want to complete her work,'' he said, as if he doubted himself. ,,But I also just want to… I don't know, get out there, at some point. I want to travel, too. The castle is very big,'' he said and looked around. ,,But it's not as big as everything out there.''
,,That makes sense. I think most young people feel like that. It's a big world, after all,'' he smiled. Nite was quiet for a moment, before he sighed, looking helplessly up at the troll.
,,I don't think… I belong out there, you know?'' he said slowly. ,,It's not like I've never seen sunlight, I'm just… not allowed to leave the castle or the forest surrounding it. But I'm basically an adult, so I don't know what her problem is!'' he sneered, suddenly enraged again.
It was clear that Nite didn't know why he wasn't allowed to leave the castle. Seymore was curious why the Madam wouldn't allow her son to leave, but although the picture of a perfectly fair and rational lady was fading, he guessed her reasoning had to be good. After all, Seymore didn't want to hurt the young man unknowingly by taking him out, visiting villages, or otherwise introducing him to people. It would have been rather easy for him to escort Nite to towns or villages around the West while his mother was away, but if he had some sort of illness, Seymore feared it would kill the young man, or something similar.
He had never really cared about the Madam's secrets before. He didn't ask many questions and mostly wanted to be left alone. But Seymore was curious when he was placed in situations like these. If she wanted him to help Nite, he thought he deserved to know why things were the way they were.
,,I've felt similar,'' the troll finally said. Nite scoffed and moved his plate away.
,,You always say that,'' he said unapprovingly.
,,I know. I'm sorry, sir. It's not to make your hardships seem less unique or important, it's simply to explain that I get you. That even though it feels like you're all on your own… You're not,'' he tried, but Nite just seemed annoyed by this.
,,But you weren't locked up,'' he argued. ,,I am.''
,,No, I wasn't. I said I've felt similar, not the same,'' he said slowly. ,,But your experience with loneliness, I've felt like that. That I felt strange or not good enough for my parents, I've felt like that. Feeling trapped in my village, I definitely felt like that, too.'' He looked down, clearing his throat, as to not think too deeply about it. ,,And maybe I wished that someone had slowed down enough and said 'Hey, I feel like that, too', at some point in my life. But there wasn't.''
He felt Nite staring at him, but he didn't want to look up to meet the sorcerer's gaze, no matter if he judged him or understood what he said. He didn't like to feel so vulnerable in front of others, but after all, he didn't know Nite that well yet. It had only been a couple of days since the Madam left, and they both still needed to get used to their new living conditions. And besides that, he didn't feel he was old enough for the responsibility at hand, grasping for straws to help Nite, or just to talk with him…
Slowly, Nite reached over the table to lift the troll's face, just as gentle and curious as a few days ago. Like he was in some sort of trance, not really paying attention to his actions, his only goal was to find out why Seymore wouldn't look at him. When the older man did so again, it was as if the mahogany eyes didn't even see him clearly, but at the same time, looked at something deep within the troll's amber eyes.
,,I feel like that, too,'' he whispered. Seymore suddenly felt tense with the whole situation and broke free from the enchanting gaze the younger man held. That seemed to wake Nite up, as he shook his head, looking confused at the troll. ,,What's wrong?'' he asked hastily, as he inspected the confused look in Seymore's eyes.
,,I… I am not really used to anyone… grabbing my face, like that, that's all…'' he said slowly, moving backward as he stood up to clear the table. Lunch was over.
,,Oh, I… didn't know that was a problem,'' he said quietly. ,,You didn't want to look at me.''
,,It's not a problem, like that,'' he tried, refusing to look at the sorcerer again. ,,I'm just… It's nothing, it's just me, making things weird,'' he whispered.
,,Why is it weird? Wasn't that what you wanted to hear?'' he scoffed.
,,As a young man, I wanted that…'' he tried, suddenly feeling tired beyond his years. ,,I'm too old for this…'' he whispered underneath his breath. ,,Look, I'm not saying that I'm doing anything right, I'm just trying to say… That it's okay if things are hard. I want to help, to the best of my abilities, but clearly, I'm not very skilled at that. And it's… It's a little weird to talk about, for me. You barely know me,'' he tried, feeling his heart race as he collected the dirty plates and silverware.
Nite still sat down, looking at the troll. His expression was hard to read, and it made the troll a little uncomfortable. He feared he pushed Nite, maybe too far, and that he would feel it soon enough.
,,How old are you?'' Nite asked instead, his voice calm and curious. Seymore was taken aback by the question and looked dumbfounded down at the human.
,,I'm 40… I'll be 41 next month…'' he said slowly. Nite scoffed again.
,,What? Then, why did you call yourself old?'' he said with a raised brow. ,,You're barely an adult.''
Like most species in Aenamo, trolls were considered legal adults when they were 16, but they aged very differently than humans. While their lifespan wasn't nearly as long as elves, they had long periods of time where they nearly didn't age. Trolls were considered fully mature when they turned 50, but that was mostly in a setting where they only lived with trolls.
While Seymore knew all that, he had lived with humans for well over 15 years now. He had considered himself an adult a long time ago, even if it sometimes seemed like too much or too rushed for his maturity. He had always been known as mature amongst trolls, but that didn't mean he was ready for adulthood like the Madam had expected him to be. Even though the Madam was older than he was, he both looked older than her and felt like he was much older than other trolls of his age, but when Nite put it like that, he really didn't feel grown at all.
,,It's… It's not as simple…'' he tried.
,,I thought you were older than my mother,'' he said slowly, looking intensely at him again. ,,The scars don't help either, I guess. They make you seem older than you actually are…'' he continued, mostly for himself.
Seymore didn't answer, he just took out the plates. When he heard Nite stand up, he hoped the young man would just go back to his studies, or whatever he wanted to do and leave him alone for a while. But of course, Nite chose to follow the troll.
,,You can't just leave while I talk to you!'' he said sternly. ,,We're nearly the same age!'' The last part was said in an almost chipperly way. Seymore looked back at the sorcerer, who really seemed to mean that.
,,No, we're not,'' he said sternly. ,,Physiologically, maybe. But I've still lived for much longer than you. That forms a person, you know?'' he tried, but Nite didn't seem to listen.
,,It would be like… If you were human, that you were a couple of years older than I, right?'' he said, ignoring Seymore's corrections.
,,No. And why do you know so much about trolls, anyway?'' he said irritated.
Nite suddenly seemed like he didn't have an answer. He looked at the troll for a long time, as if he tried to come up with a good excuse. Seymore wasn't prepared for the long wait, and most of all, he just wanted to clean the kitchen and do the dishes.
,,I, ahm… I don't know, actually. I have books about almost any species, long-forgotten ones, and big, heavy books about native species in the West, but… I read up on trolls when you moved to the basement. I… As you said, I barely know you, but I don't know much about trolls, in general…'' he said, almost flustered. Seymore's gaze softened a little.
,,… That makes sense…'' he said slowly, as he finally began to clean the dishes. ,,But, you know… You don't have to read about it… You can just ask, if it is,'' he tried. But Nite shrugged, putting his hands behind his back as he studied the older man anew.
,,No, I don't think I could. I don't know why, but I feel like you wouldn't be honest with me,'' he said bluntly. Seymore looked at him, a little hurt by his comment, but mostly confused. ,,I think that might be the difference between us, troll. You don't like to play all your cards at once. But my cards are see-through. Because I don't know how to keep things to myself,'' he said quietly. Then he left.
Seymore had never heard Nite talk like that. Nite was direct, educated, but at the same time naïve and without shame in the words he spoke. He was completely right, but he had never thought the young sorcerer would phrase it this way.
For some reason, he wanted to tell Nite that; that he was right. He wanted to run after him, and maybe clear up the misunderstandings. But Seymore also knew that he was tired, a little too caught up in his emotions and that it was unclever to push Nite too far. After all, this was pretty good progress, he thought.
Once Seymore was done cleaning the dishes and the kitchen, he fled to the main part of the castle anew. He needed space, and there would still be some hours before he could start cooking dinner. Talking about his past, even this vaguely, exhausted him beyond what he had imagined it would.
It made him uncomfortable that Nite looked at him as a young man. That had been his greatest defense, he thought. Although 40 wasn't much, anyway, he had thought that Nite would view him as an adult, and, at least, have some kind of respect for him. That was wishful thinking, he knew that, and now that idea was out of the window.
He didn't exactly know why it made him so uncomfortable. Maybe because he had spent over a decade adapting to adulthood, long before he was supposed to? It felt like every time he talked with Nite, he learned something new or got his world views challenged, and he wasn't sure he wanted Nite to be the one doing that.
For the first time since he left for the Center Isles, he felt stupid. Amongst trolls, Seymore was rather intelligent. He wasn't stupid compared to other species, either, but he wasn't as educated as most were in the Center Isles. Maybe Nite poked to his fragile ego, in ways he hadn't expected.
As he was on his way back to the kitchen, to get started on making dinner, he suddenly heard a loud bang, what most resembled an explosion. He hurried back, just in time to see smoke before his heart dropped. But when he turned the corner, there was nothing to see, except a very pleased Nite, grinning from ear to ear, although his face was covered in black dust.
,,What happened?'' Seymore asked. The sorcerer dusted himself off, as he looked down at the basement chamber.
,,Stairs,'' he said proudly. It took Seymore a minute before he realized what Nite meant. Then he began to chuckle, first lightly and then much, much louder. Like he hadn't laughed like this in years. It didn't startle Nite, he simply just joined, so visibly proud of himself.
,,Thank you, sir. I knew you could do it,'' he said kindly, looking down into the basement chamber. And there were, indeed, stairs. With time, it would help him, that he didn't have to crawl out of the chamber by the ladder. ,,It even looks cohesive with the rest of the castle,'' he said.
,,I know!'' he beamed. ,,Maybe it's a little dirty down in the room, but otherwise, nothing broke!'' he smiled.
,,Do you break stuff often?'' he asked curiously as he inspected the stairs. Nite shrugged before he followed the troll down the staircase.
,,No, only when I try to manifest things. It's harder than making light or manipulating things there's already there,'' he explained. ,,Okay, maybe I do make things explode, frequently. It depends on many things…'' he said slowly. The room was dark, and it was hard to read Nite without being able to see his face.
,,In any case, I'm very impressed, sir,'' he said kindly. Although he couldn't see him, he could hear Nite chipper away at the other side of the room. ,,Now I can bring back my stuff. Might wait until after dinner, but that's alright. Again, thank you very much,'' he said, as he walked up the stairs again.
Nite was still visibly proud when they were back in the hallway. It occurred to him, that he maybe wasn't used to getting praise like this. He had always expected the Madam to be proud of Nite's achievements, at least, because that was what she mostly talked about when the topic of her son came up in conversations.
Just as carelessly as the night Willa had announced she would take her leave, Seymore placed a hand on the young man's shoulder. He smiled kindly, when Nite first seemed confused about the gesture, before getting flustered.
,,It's alright. This is actually a pretty simple way to appreciate each other, for trolls. We don't really have words like 'thank you' or 'I understand'. But we let each other know, like this, that we're thankful, and that we're here,'' he explained, before removing his hand again.
,,I… didn't know that…'' Nite said slowly.
,,Maybe I can teach you a thing or two,'' he smiled. ,,But I'm sure you could teach me many things, as well. I have to go now. I need to start cooking dinner. But again, thank you, sir,'' he said as he turned around.
He stopped when Nite, suddenly and roughly, grabbed his hand with both of his own. It surprised him, so he spun around to meet the unexpected, unsure eyes of the sorcerer.
,,Is… everything alright…?'' he asked slowly.
,,I… I can't reach properly…'' he whispered, as his hold in the troll's hand got a little tighter. ,,You're too tall.''
,,Oh,'' he chuckled, but instead of leaning down for him, he simply grabbed Nite's hands as well, squeezing them lightly. ,,That's alright, sir. It doesn't have to be the shoulder. I couldn't reach my siblings properly, either. I used to grab their forearm,'' he said kindly.
They stood like this for a second too long, before Seymore slowly pulled his hand away, smiling calmly as he did so. Nite still looked a little flustered, but he didn't object to the gesture.
,,I, uhm… You have very warm hands,'' Nite said slowly, before he turned around, just as suddenly as he had grabbed the troll, leaving him alone in the hallway again.
Seymore shrugged and smiled, before carrying on with his tasks.
Maybe trolls weren't very physical with things like hugs and such, and maybe they weren't great with words either, but Seymore had been used to vastly different kinds of lives than how he lived at the castle. Although brute force was much of his physical contact during the old days, trolls expressed themselves much more physical than they did in the Center Isles. When he had moved there, he learned how to talk properly and how to express himself with words, rather than just grabbing onto people.
He had somewhat expected that Nite knew about all this because he was so well-read. But he also understood why the sudden touch could feel unwelcomed, especially because Nite still saw him as nothing but his servant.
And he was nothing but his servant, he reminded himself. He didn't need to be anything else, anyway, he told himself. If he could just reach a point where he wasn't uncomfortable with Nite, that would be more than enough…
Days went by and turned into weeks. Seymore tried chatting with Nite the times their way crossed each other, but when his mother had written about her journey, it became harder to connect to him again. The young man isolated himself for a couple of days before he finally got back into his study chamber. He still didn't speak with Seymore, and mostly ignored him at dinner, snapping if the troll tried to push too hard with conversations.
,,I don't care about small talk!'' he had said, slamming his door behind him. ,,I'm tired. Go away. I'll join you for dinner tomorrow, I promise.'' But he didn't keep up his word.
When Nite finally got into his study chamber, Seymore didn't want to disturb him or set him off, but he also really needed to make sure that Nite actually ate his food. He tried bribing him, baking sweet biscuits for him, as well as getting tea ready, before he knocked on the heavy door. He had seen the study chamber before, but not when Nite had been in there, and usually, the sorcerer would want to be left alone when he read.
,,Young Master? I don't mean to disturb you, but I wanted to bring you tea,'' he tried as he knocked. He knocked twice before he heard Nite move around from the inside. When he opened the door, he didn't look particularly happy.
,,I don't want tea,'' he said bluntly before he looked at the tray. As far as Seymore could tell, he did want the cakes. ,,… There are two cups,'' he noted.
,,I hoped… you would join me for tea,'' he tried. Seymore subtly looked around. The room was a mess, books, and papers everywhere. It was hard to tell which books were old and which were ruined, but it wasn't important right now.
In the middle of the room was what mostly resembled a throne; carved in stone, red pillows on the backrest and seat. It looked beautiful. Like the only thing that really made sense in the room of chaos. Books, kettles, and bottles were placed around the room, on shelves, on the desk, in the corners as well. But in all the disorder, the throne stood sturdily.
Nite didn't notice that Seymore looked around. He probably debated with himself if he should let the troll in or not, but at last, he opened the heavy door fully, making room for Seymore to enter.
,,Okay. But only because of the biscuits!'' he said hastily as he sat down on the desk. Seymore sat on the chair instead, preparing plates and cups for each of them.
,,That's fair, sir,'' he smiled, handing Nite his plate. He took a sip of tea himself, as Nite began to eat with a delight the troll hadn't seen before. ,,They're good?'' he asked, and the sorcerer nodded wildly. ,,That's nice.''
,,Don't misunderstand me,'' he began, as he ate the last bite of his biscuit, ,,but I have this feeling you're not here just because you suddenly got a desire to bake sweets,'' he said. ,,So, why are you here?''
,,I miss talking with you, sir,'' he tried, but Nite scoffed.
,,I don't see why you would,'' he mumbled. ,,I know you're here because my mother told you to. She demanded that I stopped being difficult and at least tried to be civil with you,'' he scoffed. Seymore's ears perked up and he looked confused at the young man.
,,I actually think you were doing that, already,'' he said. Nite looked back at him again, shrugging as he took another biscuit. ,,I haven't talked with your mother about you mistreating me. Is… Is that why you've avoided me?'' he asked calmly, but Nite just shook his head.
,,Well, it's part of it… I guess she has censors at the castle that alerts her when things explode. Maybe that's why she thought I was being mean to you?'' he said slowly. ,,Am I being mean to you? I don't always know,'' he said, looking back at the troll again.
,,No. I think you're doing your best not to be so, at least,'' he said calmly. ,,You… don't notice when you say something hurtful? Or scare someone?'' he asked calmly. Nite shook his head again.
,,Not always. I haven't met many people, so I just guessed my mother was hard to read. I'm not sure if you're hard to read, yet,'' he admitted. ,,I don't really like to think that you're here, just because she has ordered you to be here, you know? But at the same time, you wouldn't really have a reason to be here, if that wasn't how it was,'' he said slowly. ,,… I don't want you to pretend to care, just because she pays you,'' he said bluntly, looking directly at the troll again.
,,… Well, you're right. I wouldn't be here, if she hadn't asked me to do so,'' he said truthfully. ,,But I believe in making the best out of the situation. I don't dislike the situation, now. But I feel I'm better at cleaning, for myself, than making sure you're alright,'' he chuckled lightly. ,,… I don't pretend to care. I'm here, today, because I'm… concerned for you. I want to make sure you're alright,'' he said slowly. ,,I'll tell you if I write to her, in the future,'' he tried, making the younger man seemed satisfied.
Nite was still sitting on the table, making him slightly taller than the troll slumping on the chair. It surprised Seymore when he felt Nite's cold, light hand on his shoulder, the young man looking curious down at the troll. Without really thinking about it, Seymore reached up to squeeze his hand, just for a second before letting go.
,,Thank you, sir,'' he smiled warmly.
,,You don't have to call me sir or Master or any of that. Nite is fine,'' he said as he ate yet another biscuit.
,,I feel better that way,'' he admitted. ,,I tended to call the other employees miss or Mr. as well,'' he said. Nite stopped in a motion, thinking about it for a while.
,,Can I order you to call me Nite, instead?'' he smirked. Seymore was about to decline, but he just sighed and nodded. ,,Good.'' He took another bite. ,,I'm no sir. Maybe I'm the Greenlight at the castle, but I have no authority,'' he said slowly.
,,Maybe not, but what would you use it for, anyway?'' Seymore asked. The young man shrugged, then suddenly smiled again.
,,I would have you make cakes every day,'' he smirked. It looked like he reached for the biscuits again, but he took the cup instead. ,,What would I do, if I had control over the castle? Leave it? Maybe? I would probably get back again, at some point,'' he said softly, the weird, dreamy gaze back in his eyes.
,,But what would you do in the castle?'' Seymore tried instead. He cleared out some space on the desk, before he sat down beside the young man, placing the tray on the chair instead.
,,I don't know. What do people our age normally do when they're home alone?'' he asked with a grimace.
,,They invite over girls,'' Seymore chuckled, making the sorcerer blush slightly. ,,It was a joke, sir-, I mean… Nite. It was just a joke,'' he tried apologetically. They were silent for a moment before Nite looked up at the troll again.
,,… Did you do that as well?'' he boldly asked.
,,Well, I was rarely home alone. But when I got my own place, when I moved away… Then, sometimes, I did…'' he tried, suddenly regretting the topic. Nite looked at him as if he didn't believe the troll, startling Seymore for a moment. ,,What is it?''
,,I don't know… For some reason I just… didn't think girls would catch your interest…'' he shrugged. ,,I think… I think my mother said something, once, but I'm not sure,'' he said.
,,Oh…'' For some reason, that made a chill down his spine. He had never told the Madam why he left his home, neither why he left the Center Isles, but he did know that she suspected that he liked men. It just hadn't seemed like a problem for her. If so, why would she had taken him in for all these years? But if she talked with her son about it, making remarks about his mannerisms or interests… then he suddenly was unsure what she really thought about matters like these. Besides, he had been forbidden to take care of Nite when he was younger, but he had thought it was for his own best…
,,I… didn't mean to offend you…'' Nite said, looking into the air. ,,This is what I mean. I say stuff like this, and I don't actually know if you're offended… or sad, or if you're angry, or-,'' he said, but Seymore gently cut him off.
,,I'm not offended, Nite,'' he said calmly. ,,I do like women. But, your mother is right in believing that I like men, as well,'' he said. ,,I just didn't think she would… talk with you, about me, with such personal matters, that's all,'' he said.
Nite was quiet for a time, but Seymore could feel that he stared at him. He didn't want to talk about such personal things with Nite, but he had no reason to hide it, either. If Nite had assumed he liked men before, it shouldn't affect how he looked at him now, he thought.
,,You can do that?'' the sorcerer asked instead. It caught Seymore off guard, and when he looked back at Nite, his eyes were big and wondering.
,,… Can do what?'' he asked surprised.
,,You can like both? You don't have to choose?'' he asked, with an interest Seymore had rarely seen in the young man, regarding anything else than magic.
,,What? Yes, there's nothing wrong with liking both men and women. No one can force you to choose,'' he said cautiously. ,,… You've never talked with your mother about stuff like that?''
,,Of course not. I don't talk about such… stuff with her,'' he scoffed, his cheeks heating just the slightest. ,,I just… I always assumed I would… just grow out of it,'' he then said, a little softer, but clearly meant for the troll's ears. It surprised the troll that Nite wanted to talk with him about it, but not his own mother. On the other hand, he didn't expect Willa to understand or encourage these kinds of topics. Matters of his sexuality had never been brought up in his own adolescence, as it rarely was in the West. ,,I mean… I know, or… I'm pretty sure, that I like girls… But sometimes, when I read about boys or such, then it… Uhm…'' he tried, but his voice died down.
,,There's nothing wrong with that,'' Seymore smiled, trying his best to assure the young man. ,,It doesn't change who you are, by who you like.'' Nite nodded, still looking right in front of himself, seemingly wondering about the whole ordeal.
,,Is… Is that why you're here? I mean, not here, in the room, but here at the castle?'' he asked slowly.
,,… Somewhat,'' he said with a grimace. ,,It's because I'm bisexual that I can't go back to my village. My relationship with my parents was rocky from start, but they couldn't accept that my former lover was a man,'' he explained. He was surprised when Nite looked at him again, rather intensely, but it was hard to read the young man.
,,They disowned you for being… what did you call it, bisexual?'' he asked cautiously. He nodded slowly, suddenly catching the nervousness in the sorcerer's voice.
,,It was only a matter of time before they did so, anyway. For trolls, it's all about making families. And… they didn't believe I could do so, with a man. If I couldn't have my own, biological children, then they would be no children of mine, in their eyes…'' he said slowly.
They were both quiet for a moment. Seymore tried to calm his nerves, telling himself it was alright to be this open with Nite. Nite did try his best at being open with Seymore as well, so why wouldn't he grant him the same?
It hurt to talk about stuff like this. He didn't want to think about his parents or coming out… or the man he once called his lover. He didn't want to remember the ice-blue eyes, that still haunted him far too often. He didn't want to think about what the pixie was up to now, or who he was with…
,,What happened to him?'' Nite suddenly asked. ,,Your lover. What happened, since you're here?'' he asked softly.
,,… It's complicated…'' he said slowly. ,,In the end, we weren't a good match…'' he continued.
,,Why?'' he asked, way too fast.
,,I don't… want to talk about that, Nite…'' he said, a pained expression spreading across his face. It seemed to startle him a lot more than Seymore had anticipated, so he tried to smile the pain away. ,,It's alright. It was a long time ago,'' he said.
,,I didn't mean to pry…'' he said. ,,It's just… I don't understand that sort of stuff, I guess.'' He took another biscuit after he had barely touched his tea, but Seymore didn't mind. He could always make a new batch of sweets if Nite ate all of them. ,,Is it common? To like men and women?'' he asked. ,,I've never heard about it before. But normally, I read about magic or history. There aren't many descriptions about how their love life was, except when they have offspring.''
,,That's a good question,'' he said slowly. ,,It's not very common in the West or many parts of the East. But they are fairly openminded in South and the Center Isles,'' he said slowly. ,,I don't know about up North. Haven't really met anyone from there,'' he shrugged.
,,Do you think…'' he said, breathing heavily at this point, ,,that my mother would cut me off, too, if she knew it?'' His eyes seemed blank, all of a sudden, but Seymore was unsure if Nite was hopeful or scared about this thought.
,,I don't know. I wish I could tell you,'' he said calmly. ,,Can I ask you… Do you really want to get out of the castle so badly, that you would rather have her throw you out?'' Nite jerked his head in the troll's direction, looking mortified up at Seymore.
,,What? No! Is that what you think?'' he asked hastily. ,,No, I just don't want to… disappoint her,'' he said defeated. ,,She can make me so furious, but… this is… all I know… If I couldn't go back… then, where would I go?'' His voice shook, as he looked down again.
,,I understand that feeling,'' he said quietly. ,,I don't know how your mother would react. I wish I could say that it shouldn't matter, but… I know it does. I was fortunate enough to not live at home when I came out, but in the end, the outcome was the same,'' he said slowly. ,,I'm not trying to say your concerns are less serious… And I'm not trying to condemn you from being open and honest, but you don't have to tell her, if you're not ready or if you're scared that she would throw you out,'' he said slowly.
,,I guess not,'' he said, lowering the biscuit in his hand. ,,It's not really important that she knows, is it? Like, if I don't bring home anyone, she won't notice, anyway,'' he said. ,,Did you always know? That you liked men and women?'' he asked, looking back at the troll again.
,,Ah, no. I was about 20, I think, when I started to date my former lover. Before that, I'd only ever had interests in girls,'' he smiled awkwardly. ,,In a way… I think you're very lucky, to experience such things, this young. I was never 'confused' about whether I liked women or not, I just never took men as an option, before that,'' he explained.
,,That's some time ago,'' he said bluntly. ,,I guess… it makes sense? I don't know, maybe at some point I will grow out of it, but I… I've just always felt like this, I think,'' he shrugged.
,,If you do grow out of it, it's fine too,'' Seymore smiled. ,,I mean, we change all the time. At some point, it'll probably just… make sense for you,'' he said quietly. Hopeful, even.
Nite grabbed the last biscuit when he realized that Seymore hadn't had any yet, but the troll just took another sip of his tea.
,,You didn't want any?'' he asked, hesitating to eat, but Seymore just shook his head.
,,I'll be honest, I mostly wanted to check if you were alright,'' he said. ,,I can always bake another batch, at another time,'' he said, and Nite happily nodded. ,,How are you feeling? Everything considered?'' he said. Nite looked at the ceiling, shrugging slightly.
,,A little tired. It's hard to talk to others than yourself,'' he said bluntly. ,,But I guess… I don't feel bad, right now. I really thought you had told my mother, that I was being difficult. And although I still rather just be on my own… It's actually not bad that you're here. You know?'' he said, looking slightly at the troll again.
,,Yerh. I get it,'' he said. ,,Thank you for trusting me,'' he said, resting his heavy hand on the sorcerer's shoulder. This time, Nite reached up to grab Seymore's hand but held it a little longer than the troll had done prior.
,,You have so many scars,'' Nite said softly, moving Seymore's hand in his to better look at it. ,,I didn't do that, did I?'' he asked.
,,No,'' Seymore said. ,,Just scars from work. I'm not that careful, anymore, and I rarely let your mother heal me. I don't like the feeling,'' he admitted. Nite's gaze wandered from the troll's hand to his face, taking in all the scars, it seemed.
,,But I did that, didn't I?'' he asked, pointing at Seymore's face. The troll nodded slightly before he gently removed his hand from Nite's. ,,I don't remember it clearly. For a long time, I thought it was a dream,'' he said slowly.
,,You were very young. And once again, I didn't let your mother heal me. The scars are irreversible, not only because of the time they've been there, but also because they were made with magic. Besides, it's not my scars I'm most self-conscious about, it's my-.''
,,Tusks, right?'' Nite interrupted, and Seymore nodded. ,,I wondered if they were like that, because of your height. I guess not,'' he said slowly, picking up the teacup again. The tea was nearly cold, but that didn't seem to bother him. ,,I like learning about new things. Can you teach me more about trolls?'' he asked.
,,… But trolls don't have any magic… Would that be useful for you?'' he said slowly, making Nite grimace.
,,You said that if I had any questions, that I could just ask you? Remember?'' Seymore did faintly remember saying something like that.
,,Okay, okay, you're right. I will tell you more about trolls, at some point,'' he smiled, putting down his empty cup. ,,Not to be a party pooper, but I have to get dinner started. But I assure you, it's nicer for me to talk with you, than when you ignore me. If you write back to your mother, you can tell her that,'' he smiled as he gathered the plates and cups onto the tray.
,,You're always working,'' Nite said with a sigh.
,,You're always studying,'' he smiled.
,,That's not the same. That's interesting, at least,'' he said with a grin.
,,I like to cook. That's an interest of mine,'' he explained. ,,Maybe not cleaning, in the same amount, but I don't mind it.''
,,Huh. You're a weird troll, you know that?'' he grinned. Seymore could tell that despite the rather harsh tone, Nite meant nothing bad with it.
,,Someone has told me that, once or twice,'' he said lightly. ,,It's nice to see you smile again, sir,'' he said, ready to take his leave.
,,I'm not smiling,'' he scoffed, but he could barely hide the grin on his lips. ,,And don't call me sir, it's not necessary,'' he said.
,,I'll try to remember that,'' he assured him. ,,You don't have to call me 'troll', either.'' Nite was taken aback by this, seemingly not figuring that it went both ways. His browbone furrowed and he looked almost nervous. ,,What? You do know my name, right?'' he chuckled.
,,Yes, of course I do, that's not it. But I don't think my mother pronounces it correctly. She drags it out, making it sound more like Saymur, and that… it just doesn't sound very troll-ish, you know?'' Seymore smiled, opening the door and gesturing for Nite to come with him, as he carried the tray.
,,Well, she does say it kind of weird, I guess. It's Seymore, as in 'sea' and 'more', it's pretty straightforward. It's not a common troll name, anyway,'' he said. ,,You know, I would have survived, even if you pronounced it like your mother,'' he said.
,,Yerh, probably. But I, ahm… I don't like the sound of my own name… Maybe that's why I'm a little more cautious about it?'' he wondered.
Seymore was about to ask Nite why he didn't like his name when the young man just turned around and left mid-conversation. The troll looked after him for a moment, before he shrugged and found his way back to the kitchen.
As he wondered if it would always feel so intense and abrupt with their conversations, he smiled as it occurred to him, that Nite actually had left a biscuit for him. It tasted just as sweet as he had hoped.