"Eh?! Why is everyone asking that question!"
She snickered sharply.
"Oh, everyone is asking that question? Who is everyone?"
Now I clammed up. Eventually today I plan to tell Ma-chan about all the things I've experienced. Like my session with Mari-san…and even Saitou Saya-san's older sister's affection towards me. But for now, I shrugged it off and turned away.
"Ah…n-never mind?"
Instead of interrogating me further, Mae rubbed her head on my shoulder.
"I remember when we were back in elementary school and our parents would go on a holiday date. Do you remember, Mado-chan?"
I put my finger to my lip as my mind raced back to that time once more.
"Oh, that's right, and your cousins that would watch over us?"
She nodded with vigor. Seemed that Mae-chan had the image all wrapped up in her head. With a bright smile, she brought up that time again.
"Yep. They would take care of us, make us cookies and hot cocoa, and even let us watch those amazing princess movies you loved so much."
The blood started racing to my face. There was a string of childish romance movies that we used to watch when I was little. It was aimed at little kids who had a drama itch. Sometimes I would repeat the same story over and over because I found the clothing of the characters cute. I can't even recall the name of most of the characters in it now…but it was cartoonish and beautifully written from how I remember.
"I don't even remember that, Mae-chan!"
I lied; however, I'm sure she knew as I pushed her on her side. She squealed a wonderful yep before turning back to me.
"Hey, that was dirty!"
She pushed back.
"You started it, bringing up that stupid stuff!"
Now we waited at the platform. Still in each other's arms…I started to wonder. If Mae-chan always suspected that I…liked girls in that way, wouldn't doing something like this bother her? The tension in my stomach started to swirl as I wanted to ask the question, but I didn't all the same.
"Hm? Is something else on your mind, Mado-chan?"
But of course, she read me like a book as I turned to her. There was nothing else to talk about right now…and the train wasn't arriving in about another five or so minutes. So, I decided to calm my nerves and ask…
"Hey…don't you find this uncomfortable at times then…Mae-chan?"
She tilted her head, how cute I found that to be…despite me being a tad nervous.
"What uncomfortable?"
"Well…your friend just confessed that she…you know, feels…romantically attracted to girls."
I clenched her warm arm all the more. I…was actually getting a tad afraid of what she'd say. Mae-chan was the first person who I told other than Taylor-sensei and Hana-chan. But there was something a bit stronger with Mae-chan. I've known her my whole life basically…how it would scare me if she'd started looking at me in a different light.
"Why would it?"
She answered curtly. Almost enough to knock me on the ground with her bluntness if I wasn't hanging onto her arm.
"Well…I don't know. I just thought…what if that kind of…you know…"
I didn't even know what I wanted to say. So, I started stumbling over my words. It seemed Mae caught on as she held me all the tighter.
"Well, it's not like you suddenly find all girls romantically attractive, right Mado-chan?"
She giggled as she ruffled my hair again. At this rate, I shouldn't have even done my hair if that is what she was going to be doing. I pursed my lips as I agreed.
"Well…I guess that's true."
I don't know why though…it felt a tad like she was belittling herself. But how was I supposed to answer her?
"I mean, I'm probably the last person you'd think of that way."
"…That's not true, Mae-chan…"
I looked away for a minute and thought about what she said. I closed my eyes and poured out my feelings to her.
"You're my best friend first…I want you to know that. But…it's not that I don't find things that you do, cute…you know. B-Because I do."
My body twitched in embarrassment as I confessed what was in my heart. I could see her taken aback by my words as she stumbled a little. Her face went a rosy color as she looked away. I…didn't want to say anything strange, but I wanted her to know that she is more than she probably thinks to me.
I nudged her sleeve and made her turn back to me. We stared at one another now as our grips became that much stronger. Timidly, her eyes glanced away, causing my own body to warm up at her cute reactions.
"Madoka…"
With that beaming smile, she rubbed her head on mine. Being slightly taller than me, she could do that. It used to annoy the hell out of me…and I think she was doing that for that exact reason.
"Don't worry about silly things like that. Our friendship will never change because of something that trivial."
I already knew that to be the case… So, with a timid smile, I looked back at her as the train started to come into the station.
"Thanks, Mae-chan. You have no idea how happy that makes me."
Today was going to be a great day. I already knew that because Mae-chan was here. So, together we made our way on the train and found a nice seat. Still, with our arms locked together, we looked out the window.
"So, where are we going?"
Now relaxed in our seats, the motion of the train pulled us along. Here I was, enjoying my time with Mae-chan.
"I got a few coupons from my dad a few days ago. His company was running a campaign and they offered him a bunch of tickets to a certain place."
She was still beating around the bush about where we were going. So, I knocked her on the head, gently though.
"Well, where are we going?! Mom was ready to rip my head off because you were being so secretive, Mae-chan."
With an exhale, she confessed, finally.
"You remember Galactic Potatoes?"
I recalled that name being the arcade in the shopping district. That was the day when I first saw Mae-chan after my two-year coma when I met Sophia-san, and we all went into the arcade and played that zombie shoot'em game. Slowly, I nodded, confirming that I did know what she was talking about.
"Yeah, what about that place?"
"Well, that was the sister location of the store. The larger version is called "The True Galactic Potatoes." "
I nearly spat at how funny she made it. She stretched out her arms super wide and made it more of a theater than anything else. I could have sworn the world darkened around us just so Mae-chan could brighten up the place all the more.
"This place is everything! From mini arcades to bowling alleys and more."
Now I was super curious. This place sounded like it was an indoor area. I couldn't put my head around why she was so fixated on me bringing warm clothing though.
"Ah…so why did we have to bring gloves."
With a chuckle, she put one finger in the air.
"Because this place has a skating rink. One indoors and the other outdoors."
"Oh wow, it has all that?"
Now I was excited. It's been a while since I've skated with Mae-chan. When we were young, her father would always bring us to do that every now and then. I remember falling on the ice before and crying to no end. That memory is one that I wanted to destroy from the world, make sure it never reached the light of day again…but it was also a fond memory for sure.
"Recently, dad's gotten a little too big to be ice skating around, Mado-chan. With all the smoking he does too…he needs to seriously start looking after his health."
She crossed her arms and nodded sharply. But then, she reached out, took my arm in hers, and nuzzled closer.
"So, he doesn't ice skate all too often. So when I skipped, I would come out here, and do it alone."
Mae-chan mentioned she'd skip…but I had no idea that she'd come way out to another prefecture just to do it.
"Why way out here?"
She shrugged.
"Because it would remind me…of the good times, you know?"
The good times? How that made my heart ping. I know Mae-chan regrets her choices in life…but for some reason, I've started to truly zone into how she goes about her everyday life. As if she's chasing a feeling that isn't there anymore…a past that was taken away from her.
"Mae-chan."
I rub my chin on her shoulder.
"Hey, why didn't you invite me sooner?"
Her smile waned a bit…and that was actually good. She wasn't hiding her discomfort with that adorable but fake smile of hers. She was expressing herself how she used to…and that made me all the happier.
"Well…with your coma and trying to piece together your life again…I kind of didn't want to bother you, you know?"
"What do you mean?"
Slightly annoyed, I questioned.
"Well…you have a lot you're dealing with. I'm just having a hard time getting up every now and then."
I gripped her hand tighter.
"No, you're just as important as everyone else in my life, Mae-chan."
"…No, my worries aren't that big. They're nothing like yours…or Sophia-sans."
"You shouldn't compare yourself to others like that."
I scolded. All she did was shrug, and that made my heart fall a bit. Mae-chan…was seriously belittling herself, and it took me until now to notice this. One thing I have noticed since our chat…it felt like Mae-chan was putting herself in the background. She wouldn't chat to me much about her feelings until it assaulted her to the point that she had to express it. In the past, Mae-chan and I would call each other more often, talk about the smallest of things…
But something told me that Mae-chan wasn't thinking her problems are all that big.
"Hey, Mae-chan…"
I questioned now, looking her in the eye. The sunlight reflected off my glasses a bit, causing me to squint as I looked at her.
"What is it, Mado-chan?"
"You're…taking care of yourself, right?"
I didn't know how I wanted to approach it. But recently, it felt as though Mae-chan wasn't taking herself into account much. She would speak about her problems, but then pass them off. Everyone else took a priority over her. I think…I wanted more time to know about Mae-chan for a bit at least.
"Well…I eat 3 meals a day and snack on occasion."
"That's not funny, Mae-chan. I'm serious…what's going on in your life…that you haven't told me yet?"
Her smile died down…I didn't want to ruin the mood, but it certainly had to be addressed. I want to get into the heart of my best friend so I can support her properly. That's when she closed her eyes and confessed what's truly been swirling around in her heart…
"Mado-chan…you see."
She sighed.
"Mom and I…got in a pretty big fight the other night. That's why I called you."
Finally, her body slumped as Mae-chan started bringing out what was deep in her heart.
"You and your mom had a fight?"
She nodded.
"Yeah…she would constantly bring up all my failures. Unlike dad who was more open and willing to listen to my struggles, all mom does is berate me for screwing up."
Her lips pursed as she looked out the window.
"She keeps reminding me that I messed up my chance at a bright future. So…during dinner, I lashed back, and I don't think she was expecting it."
She shrugged.
"Now I don't even want to see her right now. Dad offered me these coupons after dinner…and I decided to ask if you wanted to come."
Mae-chan's mom, my mom's old best friend, has been known to point out other people's faults like that. I recalled what mom told me about Chie-san telling my mom that she was "allowing others to raise me." Even though mom was a single parent for the first time…she still pointed that out.
"I see, Mae-chan…"
Her mom, Chie-san, has always been kind with a stern look and wasn't afraid of expressing her contempt to others. From growing up with Mae-chan, I know that they don't get along all too well. Mae is more of a free spirit while Chie-san is a by-the-book kind.
"I…just want Mom to realize that I know I messed up, Mado-chan…but that I'm actively trying to change."
"Mae-chan."
In her mother's eyes, she must see Mae-chan as a failure, which isn't true. Mae-chan is human. She makes mistakes, some larger than others, just like anyone else. But agonizing her over it isn't the right way to go about it.
"I'm always here for you, Mae-chan."
I confessed as I wrapped my fingers around hers.
"Yeah, I know. You and Sophia-san have been really supportive of me. Even when I'm just not feeling up to coming…I move because of you, Mado-chan."
My eyes went wide as she confessed.
"I noticed that recently…you've changed. You're not as bratty as you used to be."
"Eh, what does that supposed to mean?"
I complained, playfully. All she did was giggle as she continued.
"Things happened in your life, and it made you want to change. I can see it…because I've been with you my entire life. So…I wanted to change too."
She shrugged.
"But I'm not sure if changing clubs was the only thing I wanted to do…so I need your help to find a purpose. That way…"
She admitted as she looked me in the eyes now.
"That way I can show my mom that I'm not a failure…I…just wish she'd take my feelings into account when she says things, you know?"
"So, we should look for something you want to do. Not just join a club…but improve on in life, Mae-chan?"
She nodded.
"Yeah. Sports wasn't just something I wanted to do…in the end, it had a purpose, and…I want to gain a purpose back because I respect my mom's opinion…and it hurts when it is all negative, you know?"
This wasn't a simple solution. Mae-chan and her mom are getting more and more estranged because of how she communicates with her daughter. Mae is clearly suffering from depression. She barely has the will to get up most mornings, but her mother doesn't see it like that. She seems to think that Mae-chan is actively trying to ruin her own life…which isn't true at all.
"I don't just want to support you…"
I confessed as I pushed my cheek closer to her.
"Mae-chan…I need to be there with you, to help you find a purpose. I…want to bring back your true smile again."
There we stood together. Me saying what was in my heart…despite how embarrassing it was. I could see her face tint the color pink. I'm sure I was just as colorful as my cheeks were super warm.
"…You shouldn't worry about my problems right now, though. Sophia-san and yours, I'm sure, are more important…."
"That's not true."
I held her tighter.
"That's your problem…you always think your worries aren't good enough when they are just as important as everyone else's."
I couldn't get any closer to her, but I wanted to. I needed to make sure Mae-chan knew how much she meant to me.
"We'll do our best to show your mom that you aren't what she thinks you are."
Instead of smiling, she turned to the side and a tear raced down her cheek. I couldn't imagine how much she was actually hurting inside. Mae has become good at hiding the feelings that are assaulting her heart. But I needed to slowly help her crack that façade she created while I was in my coma.
If Mae-chan needed help, I didn't want it to be too late before she asked or…did something else to herself that I couldn't forgive myself for. She is my best friend who is constantly struggling with her feelings.
"Thank you…Mado-chan…"
She whispered as she wiped her tears away.
"Promise me…you won't leave me again. You have no idea…how much harder it was when you were gone."
My heart pinged at her plea. During my coma, Mae-chan seemed to have learned to hide her hurt. But of course, it was still there, destroying her from the inside. Now that I'm back, she's been slowly expressing herself more, but she still believes her problems aren't worth the time of everyone else. She…needs to gain the confidence back that she had in the past.
"I promised you already, did you forget, silly?"
I teased, trying my best to lighten the mood. Like she said earlier, today wasn't the time to be sad. We were going to have fun. But a little bit of openness is needed for us both to truly be entwined in each other's feelings.
In the past, whenever something happened, Mae-chan was the emotional support I had. So, I want to re-establish that wonderful connection we used to have.
"I love you, Madoka."
She whispered, holding me tight in her arms.
"I love you too, Mae-chan."
We tenderly stayed like this for a minute or so before letting go. The train ride was likely going to take an hour to get to our destination. This was plenty of time for us to express what was going on in our hearts.
"Hey, Mae-chan…I want to tell you about what's been going on in my life too."
Now was the time to tell her, the one who should have known first, all that was plaguing me and my family right now. The train was pretty empty, and this time was perfect to be alone with her…
"Mae-chan…"
I started...
"I…fell in love with someone before my coma and it was...Koda Mari…
Her eyes widened.
"…Your mother's…"
"Yeah, my mother's lover."