Mae-chan should have been the first to know about me and Mari-san…but Sophia-san caught on before she did. But that's not the only reason why she doesn't know…
Mae-chan's family is closer to us. I didn't want things to get out and have Chie-san, her mother, end up telling my mom about my feelings for Mari-san... Thankfully, nothing like that has happened.
"First, let's catch the train to the north. We're going to be riding it for a while."
"Are we going to a different prefecture?"
"Yes, we are."
She swung her hand high causing my body to go with her. Here I was, being pulled along by Mae-chan just like she did in the past. She would tug me around mainly because she was super outgoing and me…not so much.
That blue ponytail was swinging in my face the entire way.
"Hey, Mae-chan."
I started as we walked together now.
"Are you still dying your hair?"
I looked at her roots closer now. From the bottom, her bright blue was slowly darkening back to her original black. It made for a strange picture, seeing the black strains poke out like that.
"Yeah…I've been falling behind, though. I should have dyed it last night or two nights before."
"I don't think I asked this…but why did you choose blue?"
Cutely, she scratched her cheek with her free hand. There were always these small motions Mae-chan did that made me unconsciously smile, I've noticed.
"I wanted a color that felt like it wasn't me at all!"
She chuckled.
"I mean, I didn't expect a bit later for my best friend to wake back up so soon and question me on it."
We drew closer as the truth came from her mouth. Ever since that day we went to the karaoke booth...she promised that she'd express herself more, and she was doing it.
"Is that so…"
"Would you like it a different color? Maybe red?"
"Ehhh…heck no."
I kind of missed her black hair if I had to be honest. But I kept that to myself. As we continued walking, the wind was cool, but Mae-chan kept me warm.
I recalled a time in the past where we both went outside, and we had to stand in line in class. We were out there for a while, and I was slowly losing my patience. My small coat wasn't keeping me warm enough, and of course, like the brat I was, I started to complain.
However, Mae-chan, out of nowhere, swooped in and handed me her coat.
"Eh? Mae-chan?!"
She wrapped it around me…and not only that, but she also held me tight in her arms. I'm not sure if it was her coat or her insanely warm body that kept me warm that day…even though she was trembling herself.
Now back in the present, we walked with our arms locked. But Mae-chan was…still as warm as she was back then. Needless to say, she was like a portable heater that always kept me cozy and warm. But then guilt started curling up in me. The days where we were inseparable were gone. Now I was hiding things from her…
"Are you alright, Ma-chan?"
"Hm?"
"You look like something is on your mind…"
"…Yeah, you are Ma-chan..."
I confessed as I held her arm tighter. The friend I knew for the longest, my old protector who I still felt a bit of distance from since I woke up, was here with me. I wanted to close that gap that used to never be there.
Something in me crawled at my chest…and wanted me to tell her…tell…my Mae-chan.
"Mae-chan…I have something to confess to you…would you hear me out?"
I gripped her hand in the cold and looked her in the eyes. Now was the time to close the gaps I've been making in these last few months. It was just us…and I wanted Mae-chan to know the true me now.
"What is it, Madoka?"
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I let go, turned to her and, I confessed who I am today…
"I realized recently Mae-chan…that I like girls."
For a moment we melted into each other's eyes. My lips pursed as I opened my mouth again. I actually wasn't afraid to tell her that. No, this feeling of acceptance washed over me as soon as I finally confessed these feelings to my Mae-chan.
"I should have told you the moment I realized it…that I found out that I actually like girls."
She tilted her head for good reason. She was probably confused. Maybe even a bit taken aback by my sudden confession. With a finger to her lip, she cutely replied…
"Oh…I already figured that had been the case though, Mado-chan."
I jolted back as if she just hit me with a sledgehammer. I expected a little push back at least, but Mae-chan stared at me like a stone. Her expression was innocent, naïve even, and it made me feel like I was the crazy one.
"Madoka, how long have we been friends? I won't lie, I suspected it back in the start of middle school at the earliest..."
"Eh?! But I just realized these feelings recently! What the heck are you talking about, Mae-chan?!"
All my friend did was laugh…and that was rude! I wanted to jump on her back and whack her head like a crazed chimpanzee. But I held myself back, I had to be mature and respectable…doing something like that wouldn't be either.
"Hear me out, Mado-chan!"
She held me closer causing the warm air to gently push from my mouth.
"After we left elementary school…we entered middle school and weren't in the same classes anymore."
She brought back nostalgic time suddenly. I imagined the image of my former self. We wore these brown and blue uniforms that I always found disgusting looking. My hair was tied up most of the time too. I remembered I got the idea from one of my favorite idols at the time. Mae-chan nudged me, waking me up from my past.
"You would always stay with the crowd of girls, never talk about boys, always want to meet the cute small girls around the school too. You had a thing for girls…and I honestly think most girls had a thing for you too!"
"A thing for girls?"
Mae-chan nodded.
"Yep. When all the other girls were talking about boys and the like…you seemed a bit different. Being one of the most attractive girls in the school, nobody could approach you."
"Most attractive girls? Now you're going too far, Mae-chan…"
I felt a tad off thinking about it. When I thought about the boys in middle school…they were nice. I knew a few of them and we chatted…but I could never find that attraction that I have for girls nowadays. Maybe I wasn't looking for love…or probably it's because…I wasn't aware of what I loved.
"Why did you never say anything then, Mae-chan?"
Mae-chan just snickered causing the blood to rise to my cheeks.
"Because I realized that my best friend would tell me if it was true one day. I mean, how rude would it have been if I just asked, "Hey, do you like girls?!"
She groaned.
"That would be insensitive of me…especially if you weren't ready to confess that to me."
My heart pumped all the faster. Could it be that Mae-chan read me more than I could have ever imagined? She was right about one thing…we've known each other for way longer than most.
"I assumed you might not have wanted to say anything because you thought it would change us, Madoka."
"Change…us?"
I questioned. Could Mae-chan have thought at that time that I was hiding my…true self from her because I was afraid that we'd…
My body became all the warmer thinking about how close I am to Mae-chan. I hold her tight…not in a romantic kind of way. Occasionally…I have kissed her, too. In the past, I would kiss her all the time when she "saved" me. And recently, I kissed her, like the time when she was crying at home after confessing to me what happened.
I, with ease, put my lips on her cheek and gave her my affection without even thinking that it could be romantic in a way. But would I have been able to do all that if I…told her I liked girls in that way?
Suddenly, she poked my nose.
"But that would never happen…I still love you…no matter who you fall in love with, Mado-chan. You'll always be my Madoka."
"Mae-chan..."
Out of everyone in my life right now…I should have thought more about my best friend. How easy it was to talk with her about things. She's been with me nearly my entire life. Even though she has her own struggles…we still love each other. Accepting her love…I closed my eyes and nuzzled my nose into her arm.
"I love you beyond words, Mae-chan. You truly are…my best friend."
I confessed, earning a giggle from her. It wasn't like her normal giggle though. I could feel the embarrassment pouring from her voice like water flowing over a river.
"I love you too, Mado-chan."
She ruffled my hair. One thing about Mae-chan is…she reminded me of a boy at times. She's rough and rowdy…but she has the charms of a woman pouring from her too. How…I noticed how much I missed being by her like this. But isn't that my spoiled side coming back in? Mae-chan used to spoil me all the time when we were little. It was as if nothing I did was wrong. She's always defended me and loved me in her own special way…
That might have been why I was so broken up when she yelled at me over the phone in the past. Mae-chan…was always my protector…
But recently there's something I've come to notice, and it slowly created a pit in my stomach.
Mae-chan…
Seems to have blurred in the background recently. Like she's giving me more space unlike the knight she used to be. Now I selfishly held her closer as if she'd vanish all of a sudden. A pit lodged in my stomach.
"…I missed this."
I realized as I held her tighter. A bit of that selfish brat from the past evaded my emotions again. She wanted Mae-chan to be beside her…and I did too.
"Hm?"
"I…missed us being like this. So close…Mae-chan."
"Me too, Madoka."
Now I needed to do what had to be done. I closed my eyes and turned to her.
"Mae-chan…"
"Yes, Mado-chan?"
"I have a lot to talk to you about. So, when we get to a private spot…I want to tell you everything. Everything that's happened since I woke up."
Our hands entwined. How simple this was. As if there were no requirements to show each other that we cared for one another.
"Yeah, let's do that. Then after all this is out of the way… we're going to have a lot of fun today!"
Mae-chan literally jumped in the air. I was pulled along with her mood…like always. Mae-chan had that effect on me. She knew how to change the mood in an instant and there was little to nothing I could do about it. I could see in the distance of this lightly foggy day, the bright lights of the station and the glowing Christmas stuff around it. From the high bright red, and white streamers that bounced from one end to the other, it wasn't shy of showing the western holiday all around.
"Mado-chan."
"Hm? What is it, Mae?"
She pushed her head closer to me. I won't lie, she was like a kitten wanting attention. All she needed to do was start purring, and she'd win for the most humanistic animal in all of Hiroshima, Japan.
"Do you have plans for Christmas?"