As the time inched closer to the fated hour, I couldn't settle down. Not only was I going to understand what happened after I hit my head and fell into my two-year slumber…but I was doing it in a way that went against everything my mom stood for. She protected me like a mother hen and her chick, putting her tender wing over my eyes and ears to shield me from the horrors of my past. Mom was even willing to lie directly to my face...to keep me happy.
It begged the question, what happened between us that mom came to the realization that I couldn't be trusted with the truth? What scarred her so badly that she latched onto Mari-san as I did?
"Onee-san, make sure the heater is off when we leave…Onee-san..."
I…hated going behind mom like this. I honestly wished we could find time to talk this out...but mom wouldn't do it even if I tried. She feels as though she's doing the right thing by hiding it from me...
"Onee-san…"
"Huh?"
"You're...spacing out again, Onee-san."
"Oh, sorry, Hana-chan."
That's when she wrapped her small hands around my head. How tender her touch felt that it made me swoon with joy…but equally I was assaulted with guilt because I still teetered on the lines of my choice. Would it be best to hear this information and attempt to close my heart to Mari-san for the rest of my life? Or should I take what I learn tonight and confess my feelings to her...at the cost of destroying my mom and little sister's...heart?
"…We should get going, Hana-chan. Make sure to keep your phone on you just in case Mom or Mari-san come to the door while we're gone."
"Okay, Onee-san."
Hand in hand we walked down the hallway. The air of the inn was calm, nothing like the sea of people that were here in the morning. Not as many people walked the halls. I assumed many of them are tucked away into their respective rooms now that the lounge and most other facilities are closed for the night. As we walked about the main lobby out getas clattered, making a strange but rhythmic beat that echoed across the vast space.
The night sky cleaved in, casting a violet-purple tone outside. Night lights lit up the Edo Period pictures scattered about the walls, adding to the splendor of this establishment. Water falling from a fountain could be heard in the background as we made our way towards the lounge. The world was calm…contrasting my heart that bled with every beat.
"Madoka-san! Hana-san!"
On the other side of the lobby, leading to the lounge, Saitou-san waved her hands our way. As we approached, she unlocked the door and offered us inside.
"I didn't think you'd bring Hana-san with you, Madoka-san."
"I'm her little sister!"
Hana-chan curtly replied. It's not as if she didn't know that so, I couldn't tell what she implied by saying that. But instead of questioning it, I gave her a double pat on her head, bringing about a tender smile. We followed Saitou-san to a room that was more of a western-styled space. The red rugged floor and fine interior defined the kind of people who ran this business. Those of higher status.
"We should have all the time and privacy we want here you two."
She offered us a couch as she sat across from us. Her charismatic air exuded all the more as her expression grew stern in her wonderful yukata. Nothing like the Saitou Risa-san that I've known all up to now.
"I've been recalling the events since we chatted earlier today, Madoka-san. Now that I remembered all that happened... I'll ask this first…are you sure you want Hana-san to be here?"
"Yeah, we both are curious about our mom, Nakagawa Ayumi."
Mom wasn't just mine anymore. No, she forged herself with the Koda family. Without Hana and Mari-san things just wouldn't be the same anymore. In this short time that I've known Hana-chan, I couldn't imagine my life without her, as my sister as strange that sounded.
"Hm…where should I begin?"
The boss lady pondered as she closed her eyes.
"W-Why don't we start after my coma…"
I wanted to start there…because that would be where mom and Mari-san became a couple.
Mari-san mentioned in the park that day a few months back that mom said she "needed her." And that's when they became a couple. I wanted to know about that time. What made my mom need Mari-san to the point that she'd become romantically involved with her? That is what was clawing at my chest right now.
"Yeah…that's probably the best place to start."
Saitou-san took a deep breath and sighed as if to compose herself...
"Nakagawa Ayumi, after finding out that her daughter wouldn't wake up, was an emotional wreck."
She closed her eyes as if recalling that memory.
"When it happened, she immediately took an extended leave off. I granted it without a second thought. I made sure that there were no hiccups after I heard what happened to you, Madoka-san. Koda-san explained the entire event to me."
She turned to the side, flipping away her strain of hair that flowed down her right side.
"Koda-san told me that Nakagawa-san's daughter, you Madoka-san, had suffered a severe head wound when out at the amusement park."
I nodded, connecting that to be true in my head. That's when it occurred to me that this might be the first time Hana-chan heard all the facts. I turned to her who sat like a stone…or in this case a soldier as she listened calming to the facts. She was strong…and I needed to be too.
"Koda-san would work long hours, normally starting in the early mornings. She would then get off in the afternoon so she could rush to the hospital and be at Nakagawa-san's side. That went on for a while."
"I remember mom not being home a lot during that time..."
Hana-chan added, confirming a piece to her own puzzle. ...I'm sure Hana-chan had all kinds of questions of her own. Maybe she wasn't just here to support me but to understand some facts that have been hidden from her too? Unlike me though, Hana-chan seemed to accept that there were things that her two moms weren't telling her. But like the loyal soldier she is, she may have chosen to look the other way. Her dedication was sometimes outstanding and faultless...but in that same regard, it could be considered naive.
"After Nakagawa-san's time away came to an end, she was scheduled to come back in the office. But she didn't show up at her scheduled time."
Saitou-san crossed her arms as she bit her lip.
"So, I, being her direct supervisor, called her house but she didn't answer. I should have been more diligent but hindsight is twenty-twenty. Instead, I asked Koda-san to go see her. She was close with her and I figured that would be the best thing to do at the time. Koda-san agreed and drove over to check in on her."
With a sigh, Saitou-san closed her sakura-colored eyes.
"…It was that day that Koda Mari-san experienced the shock of her life. She told me that she used her spare key to get inside after Nakagawa-san didn't open the door. In the one-bedroom apartment, everything was a mess, she described. That's when she found her in the room you and your mother shared, Nakagawa-san."
"Nakagawa Ayumi-san was found unconscious...with a cocktail of medication by her side."
"…What?"
My mind shut down as I tried to imagine the scene she was creating.
"I got the call from Koda-san a few hours later that she was rushed to the hospital. The doctors concluded that she indeed tried to poison herself...Nakagawa-san tried to sleep away that day. If it wasn't for Koda Mari-san...she wouldn't be here today."
"My stepmom...did that?"
Hana-san, seeming as shocked as I was, leaned back into her seat.
"Nakagawa-san was hospitalized for a while and even went through self-harm therapy afterward for a few months. The day after it happened, I visited her in the hospital. That's when she confessed what was spiraling in her heart."
Saitou-san tenderly looked at us, probably seeing the shock on our faces.
"Your mother, Madoka-san…kept saying she, "wanted to see you and her husband again." That she was tired of crying. And I think…I think…Koda Mari-san felt responsible for her attempted suicide."
The corner of my eyes began to water. Now the meaning in Mari-san's words came to light. When mom said that my mom needed her…she needed her. This wasn't a simple matter of falling in love anymore...Mom is human too, she longs for companionship. Being an only child with her parents passed away and, the love of her life dying one year prior… Then suddenly I, in a way, died too because I wouldn't wake up...
Mom…probably didn't have faith or the willpower to see me in that state. She may have at some point believed that I wasn't going to wake up…and decided that it would be best to...
"After a few weeks of Nakagawa-san's therapy, Mari-san entered my office. She announced that she was officially seeing Nakagawa Ayumi romantically and requested that one of them be transferred to a new unit."
Saitou-san turned away from us as she explained...
"I told her that this wasn't something insignificant. That she was trying to legally tether herself with Nakagawa Ayumi."
The boss lady took a deep breath and sighed harshly.
"But she was stubborn about it...."
She closed her eyes and put her head up as if trying to find the memory of that time.
"It went like this...Madoka-san, Hana-chan..."
"Mari-san, this is a big decision. What you're requesting isn't something insignificant. You are legally trying to tether yourself with Nakagawa Ayumi. There's also a lot of legalities associated with your decision..."
"I know, Saitou-Bucho."
"Ryuji-san is her brother-in-law. He should make the choices here, not you. You're just her coworker, her friend."
Koda-san's body jump in rage as she exploded her feelings at me.
"Ryuji-san is incompetent! All he thinks about is his job! What if he was the only one she could rely on?! What if she tried to kill herself again and Ryuji was too busy making a deal overseas?!"
She screamed from the top of her lungs. It was the first time I've ever seen Mari-san get so out of control. Usually, she'd compose herself in a matter of minutes but it was like a different force took over her body.
"Ryuji-san is overseas on another company business! He was overseas when his sister-in-law overdosed the first time! Nakagawa Ayumi-san would be dead if Ryuji was the only person she could rely on!"
Mari-san with determination faced up to me. But the words that struck me the most out of her outburst were...
"And I will be damned if my Madoka wakes up without her mother!"
Tears flooded from her eyes. Her body shook as she broke down in front of me. It felt as though her heart was being torn to pieces to me. The young, strong, skilled genius Koda Mari-san that even I have trouble dealing with...was breaking down in front of me.
"I just hope that she forgives me! I just hope she doesn't hate me! I don't know what I'd do if...she hated me!"
Koda Mari-san isn't built as a strong woman. Her body is quite fragile... but she is one of the strongest people I know even today. She was so strong to try and take the weight off Nakagawa Ayumi-san's shoulders.
"I just…hope she forgives me, Saitou Bucho! I just hope she doesn't hate me!"
"Don't worry…Mari-san…Ayumi-san won't hate you. She'd never hate you..."
I tried to soothe her worries as I held her in my arms...But all she did was cry. As if her heart was being torn to pieces, she buried her head into my chest and screamed. For a while it was strange, their relationship felt unnatural, even forced at times. But as time went on I honestly believed that Koda Mari-san wasn't doing that out of obligation anymore…No, I think she wanted to protect Nakagawa-san. And I truly believe she fell in love with her as time went on.
As Saitou-san ended her story her slim shoulders dropped. She smiled coyly as if gently soothing that memory of Mari-san in her heart.
"I didn't know my stepmom…went through that, Saitou-san. They...never told me anything."
"Oh god…"
It all made sense now. Everything made sense but I don't think Hana-chan understood the full story here. No…she couldn't even if she wanted to. It's because Hana-chan didn't know of her mother's feelings...towards me.
"I get it…"
I wanted to throw up. Everything about this made me sick to my stomach. My body wanted to become cold and waste away here right now. Die on the spot so that I could rid of these terrible feelings that I had swirling in me.
"Are you two okay, Madoka-san, Hana-san?"
Saitou-san questioned as I shook my head from side to side. How could I be okay? I understood it now… The pain my mom suffered from, being torn away from me and her late husband...what the woman I love did for me. Mari-san…Mari-san was only with my mom for my sake. She…she wanted to make sure that I had a mother to come back to when I woke up...
Without Mari-san my mom might have died before I woke back up.