I open my lips, but all that comes out is that asshole's name:
"Alex ..." - my voice trembles, as I begin to sob, resting my head on his shoulder.
He puts his hands around my back, and I would like to feel comforted, but I just feel a deep pain that I can't get rid of.
«Calm down and tell me everything.» - he strokes my head with one hand, while with the other he moves me away from him to look me in my face.
"He really cheated on me. I was right. »- I say between a sob and another, while he narrows his eyes.
"Did he tell you?" - I nod, remembering the impassive expression on his damn face.
"And Catherine." - I add bitterly, finally managing to breathe regularly.
His eyes widen, but I interrupt him before he can say anything:
"I went to her house ..."
"You didn't do anything to her, did you?"
"Almost." - I shrug: I have always hated violence, but I couldn't manage myself in front of her impudence.
"You?!" -hepoints the index finger on my chest, while I wait to be picked up by John as if he were my father, and maybe I deserve it.
"What have you done to her?"
«Um ... I ... I took her by her hair, but then I didn't do anything, her father interrupted us.» - I add quickly, with the fear of having disappointed him.
"You grabbed her by her hair ?!" -he almost screams, while I put my hands to my eyes.
"I shouldn't have, I know ..." - I begin to complain but he interrupts me:
"You can do worse than that, Clara!" - I raise my head again, meeting his stern gaze, and then roll my eyes: I forgot I was dealing with John.
"I seriously exaggerated, among other things, most likely I also risk a dismissal." - I suddenly regret everything I've done since this morning, indeed a few nights ago, from the moment I picked up that damn phone in my hand.
I would have preferred to remain in the dark, to be replaced by Alex every night with another woman, than to feel what I am feeling right now.
«He won't fire you for an absence, Clara.» - he gets up, and then reaches the kitchen behind me, but he stops when I tell him that Catherine is the daughter of my employer.
«It's more complicated than I thought.» - he returns to the living room with two bowls of ice cream and two spoons in his hand.
«Yeah.» - I nod, taking the ice cream he hands me.
«This means that she is Louis's sister.» - he adds.
I nod again, although that's the last thing I'm interested in right now.
I sink the spoon, then savor that delight that usually helps me avoid thinking about all my problems, but not now.
"I can't believe Alex was really capable of doing it." - John seems to think to himself, but his words strike me.
I didn't think so either.
And I don't even understand why Alex didn't get rid of me earlier.
"I mean, he's such an asshole that he would have told you in your face if he'd wanted to leave you to have sex with someone else."
I close my eyes as his words make me nauseous.
"John, please ..." - I say in a faint voice, as if it hadn't really happened.
"Excuse me." - he replies immediately, and then adds:
"And now?"
I throw my head back, and then start looking at the ceiling: now what?
What am I going to do?
I don't have any answer to this question. Among other things, with him I always do the opposite of what I think and really want.
I love Alex with every single particle of my body and I would die just at the idea of continuing my life without him by my side ... but he wouldn't.
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