"You know I never once understood you," Janine says, running her loose hand through her hair. After reminiscing, she just wanted to be done with this conversation and done with this man.
A deep sigh released itself from Larry's throat, but whether or not it was relief or worry, Janine didn't know.
"I never understood myself either."
"The abuse? The cheating?" Look, I'm sorry." " I wasn't the best or a man worthy of you," Larry's voice shakes as he continues. For a second, Janine felt terrible for him.
Back then, Janine would've just accepted him back, no questions asked. Whether or not he was lying or not old Janine didn't care. The lack of confidence and the feeling of survival consumed her back then.
This man was the one she clung to in fear and out of love, afraid to lose him. He was a need and a want, and sadly to say, part of her still cared for the man. However, it wasn't enough to risk her happiness not again.
Janine refused to live in that fear and wondering whether or not she'd live to see the next day.
Gathering her last remaining strength to end this finally tells him, "I don't want it anymore." "Never again."
"No matter how many apologies you throw my way, it doesn't matter anymore because I'm over it, and I'm over you."
Janine breaths in, "You have a good life, Larry. "Take care of yourself." She smiles sadly as if he could see her, "Bye, Larry."
"Janine, Wait-!" Larry voices out before being cut off by Janine pushing the end call button.
The tears she had to manage to hold in throughout the conversation spilled out. She repeatedly rubs her eyes, trying to stop them, but it's as if a faucet built itself into her eyes. She clutches the sides of her legs, kneeling beside her couch.
Janine dreamt that night.
She awoke inside a dark void confused and dressed in a white gown. Her once straighten hair curly and pulled back into a ponytail. She is sitting up; powdered substance pools off her. She screams out for help! However, to her dismay, her voice echoes through the silence.
Panic runs through Janine's body as she stands. Adrenaline rushes as she takes off running through the void. However, no matter how much she runs, she still feels not getting very far. She could hear constant whispers, but it was tough to make out the words that were being said. Janine stops trying to catch her breath as she kneels over-breathing rapidly.
"You stay running. You should try out for track."
Janine, still kneeling, turns to look or look up at the voice, and standing beside her was Mike? What? How? What was he doing here?
Mike was standing directly at her, but strangely it almost felt like he wasn't looking at her. He didn't say anything, and still confused, Janine straightened up to ask, "Mike what"-
However, she hadn't gotten her words out when Mike suddenly walked past her. What?
"Hey, Mike, and I told you millions of times track is not for me," A young voice comes from behind Janine. Not just any agent, though. Janine turned around, and there stood her. A younger version of herself!
What the hell? Janine thinks as she stares at her younger self. She looks towards Mike. How could she have not noticed he was also a lot younger?
Confused, she walks towards them. "I'm telling you you'll do good in track," Mikey says as he plays with one of his twists. Janine could see the annoyance on her younger self's face as she went on to tell him, "For the last time, no!"
"Man, whatever, I'm just trying to put you on," Mikey says as he and the younger Janine walk ahead through the void. Janine follows behind her heels, crushing the sand beneath her feet, and somehow with each step she takes, an unusual warm feeling strikes her heels and toes.
"Why do you always run though," Mike asks as the two of them stop at the bus stop. "I mean, you never walk, not even mind, you just stay running," Janine notices that scene then changed, and her sixteen-year-old self was crying.
"Running is all I know how to do." " It's all I've ever done."
"Well, maybe it's time to stop and fight."
Her younger self laughs, "I'm too weak."
Janine frowned. It was painful to see herself cry and put herself down as her friend tried to comfort her. The burning sensation was getting warmer.
Janine looks down to see a bright red flame emerging from the bottom of her shoes, covering her white flats in transparent honey. "What the fuck," she questions, flinging herself back. She winds up falling as she lets out a scream. When she does, she lands in a trail of flame, but not just any of her own.
What? She looked towards the way she came from following herself and Mike, and the whole path was in the gulf with flames. The flames only stayed in the course, never once sparking the other sand, only dancing. Like they were flowers blowing in the wind. They didn't burn her, nor were the flames hot. They just felt warm.
However, Janine looks down at her burnt dress. These flames still had the effect of real flames.
"I'm so sorry, Mimi."
A little light flickers through the corner of Janine's eyes. She looks towards the morning, and surprisingly it's another memory, only this time it's not too appealing. Trying to avoid the memory, she turns her attention back to the memory in front of her.
"What? Where'd it go?" Janine said, confuse?
"I'm so sorry for your lost, Ms. Maurice."
Janine turns and is face to face with a tombstone. 'Here Lies the body of Harold Hawkins and his Loving wife Naomi Hawkins, dearly loved and so missed.'
Janine swallowed the lump in her throat; this was one of the saddest years of her life, but why did she jump back in time. She was even younger now, about twelve. She watches her more youthful self place flowers over the tombstone. Her parents were buried together; they died in a plane crash on their way home. Janine didn't like to talk about her parents that much and only kept a small photo of them in a frame.
She watches as her younger self kneels over the grave, crying as an older woman, Janine's grandma, rubs her back. "It's alright, Janine," Mimi would tell her. "Don't cry." "Don't succumb to sorrow." "Be strong." Janine's younger self breaks down even harder. "Mimi, I can't be strong," the twelve-year-old chokes out. "Don't fall," Mimi tells Janine. Meanwhile, Janine was in the front, sitting by the tombstone listening. Repeating the words from Mimi's mouth and she owns.
Line after Line. "Don't cry, Be strong, Don't Fall," The words rang through her ears as her younger self replied, "I'm crying, I can't, I've already fallen." "Don't run."
"Running is easier." "It's easier than trying to fight knowing you're gonna fail," Janine repeats after her younger self.
"I wanna run forever, Mimi."
The only thing Mimi could do was repeat her saying. She couldn't say anything else. A young girl like this experiencing the most painful something on earth death is genuinely heartbreaking. The end has no ages though no time, and it has no pity, no mercy. It attacks who it wants to. It takes whoever it wants when it wants. The fifty-four-year-old woman could only give a small smile.
Janine watches as her grandmother wraps her shaky arms around he younger counterpart. Squeezing her granddaughter tight in fear of letting go. "You can't run, baby," her grandmother tells her, stroking her head.
For a second, it felt as if Janine could feel the woman's soft hands in her hair, but it was only a tiny breeze. The beautiful older woman straightened out her dress, reaching out her hand to the young girl.
"Let's go home; Ninny and Mimi will get you some ice cream," Mimi tells Janine. Both the older and the younger Janine stand up in the union. The twelve-year-old Janine sniffs before reaching out for her grandmother's hand. Janine feels her chest tighten as her tears well up as she watches both of them turn.
Mimi's big church hat seems to sway harder as they get farther away. For a second thought, it looked as if through that church hat, the way it tipped seems if Mimi had turned back.
Janine's eyes widened. Mimi was looking right at her through the gray strings that flapped in front of her brown eyes. She said something, and even though she was very far, Janine could still hear her as if she was standing and whispering in her ears.
"Don't run, Janine." "If you run, you give the demons more power to continue to chase you."
"Don't run, Janine."
"If you run, you get tired; then the demons will get you."
"You're strong, Ninny."
"Allways been."
Janine hadn't realized she was crying until she realized it. The sound of her grandmother's words fades as the woman and herself get the distance. Janine wanted to run towards her Mimi, but for some reason, her feet were glued to the sand.
The sound of heels and her very crying echoes as the memory fades or more like peels away.
The light shines down, illuminating the darkness, and as Janine looks up, she's met with the sun and, strangely, the smell of cardboard.
What the hell?
Janine jumps up, drool on the side of her mouth, causing her to wipe her mouth. Eww gross. The fuck? Bits of her hair clung to her face as she rubbed her temples. "Damn, I have a headache!"
Janine gets up, her back aching, "Oww!" "Why the hell did I fall asleep on the floor," she questions, walking towards the kitchen. Her legs pop as she moves towards the box. Janine opens it reaching in to grab her sprite.
She's drinking it when all of a sudden there's a knock at the door. Janine rolls her eyes, placing her sprite on the counter, walking towards the door. She opens it and meets the loudest screech ever, "Hello, Welcome to the neighborhood!"
WHAT THE HELL!