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'I'm happy' is nothing but pretty words for someone like me

Lucindacinnamon
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Synopsis
I was around 16 years old when it happened. Right before I could kill myself. A letter slipped under my door. It had the words S.C on it. "Dear Carson Are you sad? Are you angry? Do you feel a black hole of emptiness in you..? Is life treating you like trash on the side of the road? But most importantly... Do you want to escape?" Those 5 words hit me like knives. I slowly opened the rest of the letter and continued reading. "If you want to live a life where you are destined to live a 'perfect' life. choose how you want to live instead of living on a whim. Then I suggest you visit our organization. If you want to be 'happy' then make a choice right now. Continue living your life where your every movement feels dishonest and unlike you or start a new one, Where anything is possible. Where you can still be with the people you love even if they're dead. A perfect world" "Where you don't have to feel empty anymore..." I read out loud. My eyes slowly left the words and I turned the page to see a map showing instructions how to go to this organization. At that moment I made my choice. I want to feel 'happy' but...Can someone like me really be happy?
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Chapter 1 - I'm sorry, but what does I'm happy mean again?

I couldn't stop crying. No matter how many times I wiped my face. I just sat there in front of the cold grave which holds an even colder body.

I hate this feeling. It hurts.

"Please stop..."

I'm so pathetic if I had just asked her why she was sad...why she looks out the window with eyes that yearn for something. I wanted to tell her 'even if she hates herself, the world or even me... I'm always here...for her

The tears kept coming

I've already lost my mother, father, Elder brothers, my twin sister and now my best friend, May.

May's dad grabbed me by the collar and lifted me off the ground.

"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?! BECAUSE OF YOU MY DAUGHTER IS DIED AND YOUR LAUGHING?! YOU WERE HER FRIEND YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE THERE FOR HER. YOU FRICKING USELESS RAT!"

I tried to get out of his grip but my hands were too weak against him. All I could do was laugh against my will and stay in his grip, trembling. I couldn't even explain my illness because of the fear I felt.

********

7 years past since May's death and now I'm 16 years old. No, the bullying didn't get any better and I don't laugh any less...I am currently in my one room apartment, In which I'm waiting for death. But it was taking a bit too long to come find me.

"This is stupid I'll just kill myself instead of waiting to starve to death" As I walked to the balcony I wondered. What was May thinking right before she committed suicide. I take off my shoes and loosen the tie around my neck. I stand at the edge of the balcony.

But right before I could jump...A letter comes from under my door with the letters S.C on it.