I took a deep breath and quietly exhaled as I set up my gaming console to play a couple of rounds of racing. My back was facing Josai while I plugged the cords into my tv. Gosh, I can feel him staring at me! I wonder what he's thinking…
~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'm such a coward…
At this rate? Hiro will never know how I feel. I can only muster up the courage to show him through teasing or touching. Ugh, he must be so confused about how I've been acting lately. He's just so cute and embarrassingly awkward, but I adore each second of it.
I noticed his keycode is still set as the first time we met up. I even remembered what he ordered: A vanilla latte with an extra shot of espresso, almond milk, not whole milk. He said he needed a boost for our shared study session. He took a sip and a milk mustache appeared above his lips. Hiroki's adorable without even trying…
Earlier this morning when I lifted his chin, locking eyes with him. It made me weak inside. Everything in me urged my lips to meet his, but I could never steal a kiss from Hiroki in this condition. I don't even know if he's interested in guys. It could wreak havoc on our friendship. I worked too hard to get this close to Hiroki, I won't lose him due to my selfish desires.
"Whew! Alrighty, I got it up and running," Hiroki turns to face me and I shook my head to snap out of my walk down memory lane. He comes to sit down beside me and nudges me with his shoulder.
"Dude, what's on your mind? You seem out of it right now…" You, Hiroki. You're on my mind, but I wouldn't dare say that out loud.
"Oh nahh, I'm just stuffed from all that food we ate. Plus, this couch of yours is perfect for a nice rest!" I began to wonder how it would feel to take naps with Hiroki. His head on my chest and my hand running through his soft, fluffy hair. Perfect, just perfect! I'm such a helpless romantic.
"Shit! I… forgot my controller," I sighed while smacking my forehead in disbelief, "It slipped my mind completely. I stopped to pick up the food, but I didn't swing by my place to get it." I let my excitement of hanging out with Hiroki get the best of me.
Hiroki smiled and let out a small laugh before saying, "Josai, don't worry! I told you I have an extra controller for you. No need to beat yourself up about it." Just as Hiroki got up to go get the other controller, I grabbed his hand… This is the perfect opportunity!
I gently pull him back to me as I ask, "Actually, could I just watch you play first? I suck at racing games, remember?" The truth is? I'm amazing at racing games, but I always let Hiroki beat me because his face would display sheer happiness whenever he won. A sight I always love to see.
"Awww still nervous cause I beat you the last few times?" Hiroki burst into laughter and I couldn't help but laugh as well. My Hiro, my hero…
~~~~~~~~~~
I switch positions from the couch to the floor. I feel like it helps me game better. I can't help but wonder though… Josai forgot his controller? That isn't like him. Maybe he was just in a hurry… maybe he was with his crush? I shake that dreadful thought from my head and start my first round of the race. It's so cute. Josai isn't that good at racing games, so he wants to watch me play to get a feel for it again.
"WHOOHOO! Yes! I beat my high score!" I exclaim while pumping my fists in the air. While lost in the high of my victory, I feel Josai plop down behind me. I jumped as he puts his arms under mine and reached for my controller. Josai's knees are curled up on both sides of me, putting me right between his lap.
"I think I'm ready now… but umm, maybe you could show me a few hands-on techniques?" Josai shoots me the slyest grin while innocently fumbling with the controller. My heart bursts as I take a loud gulp.
"Yeah, yeah… totally," I muttered nervously. What have I gotten myself into?! I slowly prop myself into place of Josai's embrace and begin the second round of racing. I gently guide his fingers over certain buttons and controls until I heard him ask that nerve-wracking question…
"Hiro," he whispers in my ear, "Do you have a crush on anybody?" I freak out and my car flips and crashes into the side railings of the road, an accurate representation of my brain right now. I stop myself from stuttering, this situation is embarrassing enough.
I glance away from the tv as I begin to mumble, "Well… I'm not too sure right now, it's kinda complicated." Josai throws the controller to the side and playfully pushes me to the floor.
"Are you sure, Hiroki? You wouldn't lie to your best friend would you?" he smirks. Oh no… I know that smile, I'm doomed! Josai viscously begins to tickle me and I cannot contain my loud giggles. I close my eyes as I frantically move about to escape Josai's hands. I blindly push away both of his arms with force causing Josai to lose balance. I open my eyes at the last second to see Josai's face crashing into mine… except it wasn't a crash, but a kiss!
Both of our eyes widen and I push Josai off of me and take off into my bedroom. I close the door and lock it. This is NOT how I imagined our first kiss to be! Did my breath smell bad from the spicy noodles?? Gosh, I want to cry!
I hear Josai's footsteps sprint towards my bedroom and he begins to knock rapidly on my door.
"Hiroki?! Hiroki, I'm sorry! I went too far with the tickling again, it's my fault!" he pleaded on the other side of the door. I wish I had the courage to tell him it's no need to apologize…
I've been waiting to kiss him for years!