-What will you do then?- Camila, Eduardo's sister, asks me.
- What am I going to do?- She asked ironically. -I will separate from your brother, but it will not be the end of the world. I will go to my house in the field where I solve my situation.
I answer him while I continue packing my daughter's clothes. Of course, I'll go and she'll do it with me, I'm not leaving her with him.
-Sorry. I don't mean to be nosy, but my brother is a complete queer to ask for a divorce. He is letting go of a wonderful woman.- he says and makes me stop my work to take my hands and see me fixed in my eyes.
-, I wish he would think like you,- she sighed.
-Do you still love him?
What kind of question is that? Right now I could say that I hate him, that I reject him, that it was the worst mistake of my life, but ... Even I know that it is not like that.
-Your brother is undoubtedly the man I love and will always love, but right now I don't want to talk about him anymore. I'll give him what he wants and I'll go, that's all. - I answer and carefully release his hands to continue packing only the clothes and things for the care of my baby, in the country house I have everything I need to be calm.
-And why don't you tell him where you're going to be? Remember that he is the father of your daughter, he has the right to know where you will be, for her.
-I know, it's not like I'm going to forbid the meeting with Amanda, I just don't want her to know because I don't want her to go there to fuck. I need to recover so that later I can see him in the face without him wanting to make me cry like stupid. - I close the suitcase. -I'll let you video call while.
I lower the suitcase on the bed and close the other one again where the girl's bathroom things are. I go to her closet and take a slightly large backpack and with it in hand, I go down to the kitchen to pack her formula and food, her bottles and sweets allowed by the pediatrician. I pack everything and while I can breathe easily since Camila stayed upstairs with Amanda's room, it is not pleasant for me that she is asking me the least when I do not know what to do right now. I'm just focused on packing up and getting everything ready for tomorrow to go and sign Eduardo's divorce, and then finally go to the country house and stay there until "heal" and then come back to continue working in my parents' company that very soon will become mine.
Does our separation hurt? Of course yes. I still love Eduardo, I left many things for him; friends, social circle, I stopped behaving like a teenager to transform myself into a woman and take care of my home from the moment I said "yes" in front of everyone at the altar. I practically moved work home to be more aware of Amanda when she was born ... I left many things for him, for always wanting to serve him, for pleasing him in everything, because he always lived with the stupid idea that he would get bored of me and leave, without me knowing what was going to happen anyway, whatever he did for our relationship. But hey, what can be done?
-Mommy, where is daddy? -I hear the sweet little voice of my princess, I turn around and see that she comes entering the kitchen while she rubs her right eye with one hand, and with the other, she holds her plush toy.
How I would like to answer that the son of Eduardo's mother's mother has to be with some other woman wallowing like a whore, but I cannot swear to my little girl.
-Daddy is working love, we'll see soon.- She replied as I crouched at her height to place a kiss on her plump flushed cheek.
-When will we see him?- She asks again.
Tomorrow when I go to sign the divorce, her little daughter.
-Tomorrow love, and we will go to eat delicious ice cream.- I say the last thing to him most of all so that he keeps his mind on that and does not ask me any more questions.
-Yes! Ice cream! - she yells and starts jumping all over the kitchen.
I ask him if he's hungry and when he says yes, I proceed to prepare a bottle of cocoa for him. He loves cocoa, in that he is just like his father.
I serve him and direct him to sit on the couch and watch the cartoons while he eats. She runs immediately and heeds my request. So obedient my little one, I hope she continues like this when she is a teenager.
While she entertained them there, I start preparing dinner for myself and Camila. To think that it will be the last time I will cook here ...
-Mile ...- the queen of Rome enters the kitchen and she "helps" me to chop the celery.
-Tell me.
-What if he asks me where you are?- What do I say? - Really? Again he goes with the question?
I sigh and decide to clarify things for him since he almost has me fed up.
-Well, you tell him that you don't know, and if one day you want to visit me, we'll do everything carefully so that he doesn't find out. He understands that I don't even want to see him for a while, and please don't ask me any more about the subject that has to do with your brother. In a nutshell; You don't know anything about me, or where I am, or my new number, or anything. If I want to talk to him or for him to talk to my daughter, then I call him, otherwise, I want to be calm and forget for a few moments that what is happening to me is not real, that it is just a bad dream and that's it because He understands that I love your brother no matter how scoundrel he is, but that's why I don't want to talk about him because it hurts to even pronounce his name. - I vent.
I want him to understand that talking about him makes me want to cry and that is why I do not want the pity of anyone and much less that they remind me every second what is happening to me. We will get a divorce and he will hurt the distance from him at first, but I know for sure that I will get over it. No one is forever.
(•••)
-Wait for me here, hone,- I ask my little girl, leaving her at the office of a friend of mine here at the firm. I don't want him to be around the moment his father and I get divorced.
-Are you late, mommy?
-Not at all, darling,- I answer and kiss her little head. -Linda will be with you playing, anything if you want to go to her bathroom you tell her to accompany you. Don't break away and don't get out of here until I get there, okay?
-Okay,- she answers.
I sigh and look at her for a few seconds and then get up and head over to Linda.
-Thanks for taking care of her, Linda.
-You're welcome. You are going through a difficult time, it is the least I can do for you.
-Thank you again, I won'tbelongg. I promise.
-Quiet, I take care of her. Now go and show that bastard that he is not indispensable.- she says.
If she only knew that he was.
Enough already! It is time to start to overcome it, no more considerations with it. He wanted to finish ours without giving me an explanation or excuse first after he fucks himself up and doesn't walk around like a lap dog.
I leave his office more determined than ever, and with a walk worthy of a classy woman, I go to the room where I know that he is waiting along with the judge and the respective witnesses. I go in and in effect; he is there as neat and straight as ever, although his look is very different from the one he gave me that night he asked me for a divorce. I ignore him and focus my gaze on that of the judge, an older man, dark and with gray hair.
-Good morning, Judge. -greeting. -Sirs. Eduardo.- Hello and every one corresponds to me, including him.
-Well,- the judge begins. -They should know that for divorce there is no reverse, except that they remarry.- He sighs and leans towards us, placing his elbows on the desk and clasping his hands at the level of his mouth. -I would like to know if you are completely sure that this is the best. There is still time to retract.
Ha! Even if Eduardo retracted, I would still want to sign the paper, nor am I going to lose my dignity again, accepting that he says it is a mistake and that he repents, not after making me come here and humiliate me. Because yes, I feel humiliated to come to sign something that shows that we were not able to maintain a family, a relationship.
-We are sure that this is what we want,- I speak for both of us and I can feel his heavy gaze, but I ignore him.
-Well ... You for some reason signed a prenuptial before signing the marriage, so each one's wives are still intact, you won't have to share anything.
Thank God that the family lawyer (my cousin Raúl) convinced me to sign a prenup, I would feel even worse if I had to divide my assets with his.
-Sounds perfect to me,- I say again, appearing calm and decisive.
-On the other hand, they have a daughter ...
-I'll stay with her because the man here ...- I interrupt and point to Eduardo. -She was rarely at home, and I do not want my daughter to stay with a stranger when it is his turn to go to work or something like that, being that I can take care of her perfectly well.
-Okay,- says the judge again, looking at Eduardo and then looking at me again. -You also work, how would you not leave her with some stranger while?
-Since she was born, I had to take all my work home to be with her twenty-four hours a day, I can continue to do so. And in case I have to leave her to the company, my mother can stay with her.
It seems I have everything under control. Eduardo doesn't say anything, he seems to agree with everything and that seems great to me, I don't want to argue with him and extend the matter, I want to get out of here as soon as possible.
-But remember that she is also my daughter and I have the right to spend time with her.- Well, it seems that I got ahead of myself, she did speak.
-And I have never denied that at any time.- I fight him even without looking at him, always with his forehead raised, seeing only the judge and another point on the wall behind him.
-Well, it seems that nothing will be solved here, you are one hundred percent sure that you want to sign and then that the problem does not get longer.- the judge speaks and proceeds to take out a sheet of paper and from this some papers, he accommodates them and He passes them to me first along with a pen for me to sign.
I take the pen and arrange the paper as I write. I read it above and with a little doubt, I sign. Then I dragged him over to him and finally turned to look at him. To look at how he looks at me for a few seconds, it seems that he is going to say something but he retracts and proceeds to sign. He passes the paper to the judge and the judge signs as well, as proof that he was present.
- Ready, I declare them "separated". he announces and a knot forms on my chest. -I hope you act according to your daughter in an adult and wise way. Share your time with her however you like. A social worker will be visiting to see that everything is going well with her. Made everything clear; You can retire, have a good and productive day rest. - He dispatches us and without waiting I get up and placing my bag on my shoulder, I leave without saying another word.
When I'm a few steps away from entering Linda's office, where my daughter is, I feel like someone gently takes me by the arm. I turn around and who I see is Eduardo. I raise an eyebrow at him and look at his grip on my arm, he notices and releases me.
-I can't believe you're not my wife anymore,- he says.
Seriously? I swear I want to kill him.
-Too ironic, huh?- I say. -If you were the one who asked me for this.
Eduardo sighs put his hands in his pockets. He does that when he's nervous, he reminds me of when we were just getting to know each other, when he came to talk to me, he made that same gesture that denoted his nervousness.
-Where will you go now? Because I guess you don't want to stay home even if I'm the one leaving.
-Obviously, I won't want to stay there. I'll go ... Away, a while. - he answered.
-Far, where?
-Far Eduardo, far away.- Don't even think I'll tell you where I'm going.
-Hey, I want you to know that I still love you, I didn't want to part with you. It's just that ... I had a lot of pressure on me and ...- my beautiful sarcastic laugh interrupts him.
-Don't be a queer! - I raise my voice without it being a scream, I don't want to make a scene and be in front of everyone like the madwoman in pain. -Don't give me that story anymore, because whatever it is, we could have solved it together, but you decided to be a coward. I'll go but you'll keep in touch with Amanda, at least she still sees you as a hero and I can't take that away from my baby.
-At least tell me what will you call me if you're in trouble.
-Even if she was dying, she would call you, I don't want to know anything about you unless it is something related to the girl, otherwise, we will not be friends.- Let's leave this for the peace, so ...- I stare at her face. The face of that boy I fell in love with, who is now nothing more than that of a mature man. I look at him remembering everything we went through together, the beautiful words we said to each other, how we did everything in a hurry to believe that we were in love. I look at him trying to save the image of the boy who came shy and a little flirtatious to me the first time, and without further ado I say goodbye. "Bye, Eddy," he whispered the last. That's what she used to call him, at his request.
-Milena ...- I was going to speak but I leave without even waiting for anything.
(•••)
-And will you come with us?- Amanda asks her father.
The time has come to say goodbye because in a short time the driver is coming for us.
-No love, it's a women's vacation, between you and mommy. I'll go later and we'll go for a walk with Mommy, "he looks at me and returns his gaze to Amanda. -I love you, take care of yourself and behave well, yes?
-Yes Daddy.
-I love you
-I love you too, dad, - she replies.
He gets up and I take the girl in her arms, she asks her father to come closer to her and he does.
-And what about mommy's kiss? "We have to go now," she says.
Perfect! Just perfect.
It's going to be awkward, but I guess we have to act "normal" in front of her.
-Sure, princess,- she says and with a small smile, she approaches me and places a kiss on my lips, staying a little longer than necessary.
The last. I repeat myself.
We say goodbye and go to where the driver is waiting for us. We get into the car and she leans out to say goodbye to the little hand. I don't turn around, I don't want to. I don't want to see something that would tear me apart.
Without further ado, we set out on our way and I constantly look back, making sure they don't follow us. I sigh and settle Amanda when she spends time and I notice that she is falling asleep.
After the storm comes the calm. I hope so.
[•••]
¡Sorry for my English! :( Thank you so much.