Chapter Three: "The New Me."
It was a bit difficult to adjust to being single again, why? Because now I had a little girl of seven asking me all the time about her father. It had been a week since I signed the divorce and since the second day we came here she has been missing him. And there are already two of us.
That? I still love that caveman and not for being a top-notch masochist, no. I even thought that everything was fine when suddenly the divorce thing came to me. I already noticed that I miss days or maybe weeks before, but I never thought it would be so bad.
Maybe I need time for myself and my little one, to focus again on my parents' companies so that they can take those well-deserved eternal vacations. Every time I think that I practically abandoned my dad's legacy for wanting to be one hundred percent aware of my husband and daughter, it makes me want to shoot myself, maybe for her. But, seriously! I even thought of giving everything I had to my brother so that I could be a housewife, thinking that I would forever be with who I thought was the love of my life. I feel so pathetic right now.
- Ma'am, little Amanda is asking for you. - I hear the voice of Marta, my baby's lullaby.
- I'll go get her right away, let her wait for me in the dining room for breakfast. - I answer him.
She nods and walks away leaving me alone. Right now I am in the huge corridor outside the house, reflecting and making the decision to finally overcome what happened a week ago. It's time for her to make me a self-sufficient woman. I must do it, not only for me and my parents who I know will be happy and proud that I return to family work, but I also do it for my baby. She is my pillar and my strength to keep going.
Finally, I get up from the hanging chair and enter the house and then go to the dining room where Amanda is watching cartoons on her Tablet, waiting for me to be served her breakfast.
- Good morning, my love. -I approach and kiss her head.
- Mommy! she yells in response, almost making me deaf.
My little girl and her powerful lung.
- Do you see?
- A new cartoon, Mommy. -she answers me with her tender little voice, she still can't say a few words.
- Oh yeah? - I ask as I sit down and she nods like crazy looking at the small screen again. - What is it about?
-About a bear and a little girl. She is very naughty and makes the bear worry.
-She looks like you when you make dad worry. -I wrinkle her nose making fun of her, but she doesn't even look at me, she walks enraptured with the happy caricature of her.
So, I look towards the kitchen and I see Marta who seems to be kneading something, I kindly ask her if she can serve breakfast to me and my baby, she asks one of the girls who help her with the toilet.
Jorge advised me that there be few people in terms of the employees, only people that he considers trustworthy, I agreed because he knows how he does his job as head of my security. Therefore, they are only; Marta, Clara, and Natalia. They are the only ones inside the house apart from Amanda and me. Marta because she is my daughter's nanny and she is the one who is in charge of preparing the meals and the other two girls because they are the ones who clean the country house, which is quite large. The rest of the employees are men and they are only the ones who surround the house and the others are the farmers who take care of the crops and animals. It is a bit complex to explain everything, but that's the way it is.
- Here's your breakfast. - announces Clara putting the dishes on the table.
Our breakfast consists of rich warm oatmeal with crackers, those that break with nothing.
- Eat it all, love. - I tell my daughter at the same time that I am breaking the cookies and spreading them on my oatmeal.
She nods, sees me, and imitates my action doing the same with her breakfast, and then turns her gaze back to the Tablet. I do not like that she is so aware of that, I do not like that she is stuck there all day. So I decide to propose something to you that I know you will like.
- Today we will go see the pigs if you want. I say and with that, I get her attention.
- Yes! she yells. - I want to see Peppa.
I laugh at her occurrence, but still nod to her request, all by and for her.
Minutes later, I feel my phone vibrate on the table, indicating that I have a new message. I take it and review it.
- When you come? You can't be there forever, I need you here.
He's my brother.
Subject: I don't know what you're talking about, I had already said that I would go there first thing on Monday. - I answer him.
Within seconds I receive her reply.
- See you come. And please bring the little monster.
He laughed, but she didn't answer him anymore or else he would get tiresome.
(···)
- I am your faithful friend, I am your faithful friend! - My crazy daughter sings while I try to dress her to go see the little pigs.
- Amanda, stay still. -I strain a little with her shoe.
But nothing, she keeps moving and singing. I smile because, despite everything we are going through, she sings so innocently, and with that, it makes my life happy.
Finally, I manage to put the blessed shoe on her and with that she is ready. And I also.
- Let's go. -I extend her "a" a bit while I pull her by her hand.
We leave the house warm since at this time it is a bit cold. About twenty minutes we are already arriving at the pigsty, which is where they keep the pigs. She barely hears them, she lets go of my hand to run until she reaches the wall that isolates them from the outside. She stands on tiptoe and leaning against the wall she tries to look at them.
- Mommy, I can't! -She says my little girl turning to me and pouting. - We can enter?
I shake my head at what she asks of me, I don't want her to get dirty knowing that inside her there are pure males that are coarse and can knock her down and fill her with mud or excrement.
- No love, they can knock you down and hurt you. I say and she wrinkles her face in disappointment. - But, around here there is a pig that has babies. She is meek and she will let you see them, will you?
Done, so I get the pretty smile from her again.
I take her hand and we go further into the small shack where they put the newly calved females. In this place, there are all kinds of animals, all with young. There are mares, cows, sows, and even sheep.
- Mommy, she also has children! -she yells pointing to a hen with chicks that grazed her young around there.
- Yes darling. - seat.
We arrive at the place where they keep the sow and there we see her lying with her ten little pigs. They are already a little bit. Amanda runs like crazy trying to reach them and she laughs when she manages to catch one.
- Careful, love. - I say watching her from afar, leaving her alone to have fun.
At least that way she has her mind occupied and she will not go around asking me about her father, because it is becoming more and more difficult for me to invent something, because she had never been away so long, and when he had to travel, every night they made video calls, this no time.
(···)
-He must be surprised, you cannot deprive her of being with her father just because you are wrong. - Camila speaks from the other side of the screen.
- It's not like I'm doing it badly. This tastes like a trite story to me. You know that I would never do something that could harm my daughter, no matter how much she comes to hate your brother. - I say and I hasten to clarify. - Which is not true. Despite everything I went through and everything your brother put me through afterward, I don't think I can even hate him.
- I know and excuse me if I made you misunderstand something I said. Only, he is very bad. He wants to see his daughter in person, but he doesn't even know where they are. Nobody wants to tell him either. - I see how he scratches an eyebrow.
- I'm just asking for time. I want to mentalize well, I want to take full control of my life again. Eduardo is going back with his daughter, just not for now.
- As I said before; you know how they do their thing. Only that I care for him who is my brother, for you who are my friend, and for Amanda who is my little and only niece. I hope things turn out well for you, you are missed here.
When he says that, inevitably a sad smile adorns my face.
- I miss you too. And yes, your brother too.
- You still love him, right?
- Well of course. We were best friends in college, we were boyfriends and husbands for years. Add to that that he gave me my little girl as the best gift. I am aware that I will not stop loving him for a long time. I pause, sighing and looking away at Amanda, who is playing with Drago, her new guard dog. - Sometimes I can even feel pathetic. I mean, he sure already has another woman in his life while I'm here, pitying myself.
- So you can see that it doesn't. - that gets my attention. -Well, he doesn't tolerate anyone, he hardly eats and spends his time locked up in her office. I would even dare to say for sure that I have seen him melancholy. My mom is worried about him, like everyone else. That's why sometimes I get tired of you telling me to let him see his daughter.
-Nor is it that he makes a drama and shows pain just to give him what he does not dare to ask for simple pride. - I roll my eyes. - But since I am already fed up with the subject, today I will agree to make a video call with Amanda. Just because it hurts me and nothing else. - I say and immediately I see how he smiles.
-He will be happy as soon as I give him the news. The next step will be to convince you to talk to him again. - Clap and I deny, knowing that I will not do that.
Finally, I say goodbye to her, indicating to her that her happy call will be made at night, just for him to say good night to her daughter.
I will see him before he talks to the girl, I will have to clarify that he does not go overboard with her, I know that he will ask where we are and my innocent daughter will tell him. I just hope I don't suffer from some emotional breakdown when she sees him after weeks.
(•••)
- Honey, today you are going to talk to daddy, - I am interrupted by my little girl who screams excitedly. She closed her eyes for a moment in the face of such enthusiasm, as she screamed in my entire ear. - So I ask you to keep calm with him, no adult questions, ok?
She nods. I am proud to know that my baby for her age, can understand many things when at her age I only had the intellect to eat my snot as retarded and ask for food.
- Well. I say and proceed to turn on the computer when I notice that it is already time for the call, and Eduardo is too punctual in his personal affairs.
Amanda just claps sitting on her bed, constantly repeating her nickname for her father.
- Daddy! - Eduardo yells as soon as he connects his camera and sees him.
- Hey, princess! You are very beautiful. She smiles at him and seems to be looking for someone. - And mommy?
Why is she asking for me?
-Here she is with me, do you want to send her a kiss?
- Sure you do, baby. Pass it to me, please.
There is my God, I feel like my poor little heart beats like crazy when listening to the voice of the one who was the owner of it, after weeks of not doing it.
Like a layer of confidence in it, I take Amanda and head to the couch, sit her next to me, and wave to the screen as if everything is fine between us.

- Here I am, Eduardo. - I show feigned happiness when I turn the screen slightly towards me. Instead, he smiles and seems sincere.
Why is he smiling? Doesn't he know that this is his deadly weapon?
- How are you?
- Well well. - I say quickly. Good bad, it will be.
- I'm glad, - yeah, sure. - Hey, I want to ask you a question.
- Sure, tell me. - fast access.
Damn, I just need to say: "Yes, Daddy?" to make it a complete asshole.
- When are you going to "lend" my daughter to me? Because she is, she is mine too. Remember that I put the sperm. Therefore, I also have a right to it, don't you think?
Why do you have to say it like this?
- Yes, and you remember that I have her right next to me, cool down. - I look askance at my girl who only watches us talk. - As for the other, you will have it when I decide so. I know that you are playing the victim in front of everyone so that I will give in, today you will only talk to her and be careful with what you say or what you ask her. Now I give it to you because she soon has to go to sleep.
She didn't let him speak because she quickly rolled the computer screen over to Amanda. He has no choice but to talk to her. I go to the bathroom to pick up her clothes thrown from her and then take her to the laundry. I leave calm knowing that the video call is being recorded to review later. Woe to Eduardo as I see something strange, being like this, then wait for a visit or a call from me where I throw the truth about her. Don't even think I'm stupid!
[•••]
Sorry for my English.