Alannah Myles sang "Black velvet" in my head while I was walking the haul of the college looking for Naomi, she probably finished her history lesson and is looking for me too. Thank god that we were not at the same class because I don't think we will even concentrate on the lesson and probably keep chatting about nonsense she was a real garrulous -and maybe me too-.
A hand attacked my shoulder from behind and distracted me from my thoughts, I felt a rush of happiness through my body being sure it was finally Naomi but when I turned behind a hard chest faced me and I was sure it was him without even thinking -what the fuck do you want from me right now mr bastard I was this much close to get over you- I sighed not knowing what to say to him or what he will say to me I didn't want to think of anything I wanted to turn away and run. I lifted my head and looked him in the face, he seemed angry not very angry but sure is angry. -This time I decided to face him, no more backing off I'm telling him to fuck off- I thought to myself while I was preparing for the speech I'm going to say to him. What he said distracted me from my thoughts:" Hey". And I'm lost, lost in the backyard of our palace and the splashing of the water's fountain, the birds.. oh good lord the birds sang so loud in my head and I felt my ears are going to burst. " What do you want from me Bernard? Aren't we done yet?" I said to him looking him in the eyes not sure about what he was going to say next. "Chill okay? we are in public. I came to you to see if I still have a place here with you." He said pointing to my chest, my heart? -oh of course you still have a place here but there is no way you are stepping there again, enough disasters you've already caused- "Fuck off Bernard!" I was shocked at what I just said to him at that moment and he seemed shocked too however I never talked to him in such disrespectful tone but he deserved it. He looked at me shocked too at first but his expression changed to a manipulative one and he said:"What such a stupid bitch you are, aren't you?" I laughed hysterically in my head at his sentence -he's not okay isn't he?- I felt a bit scared at the revenge speech he just spit to my face but I decided to face it "I doubt so." I finished watching him walking away angrily, I couldn't believe that I did face Bernard I'm damn free finally. -I need to tell Noami about this she will be so happy-.
The sky was too dark that night and the clouds covered the moon and the starts' beauty alerting for a savage evening, I layed on the bed trying to relax and forget about what happened with Bernanrd at midday, I took a deep breath as I rubbed my eyelids trying to relax them a little bit. My breath slowly accelerated as I held my chest with both of my hands, the pain became unbelievable between my thoracic cavity and I shut my mouth with my right hand; I didn't want to wake my mother ...
I felt a heat hitting my spine and floating all over my skin and the way back to my heart crashing it making it bleed all over my organs melting them, I thought I was dying but I remembered again that this was my night routine, my body danced to the national anthem of my chaotic calamity every evening, I was stuck there in this circle trying to run away from my past again and again, pain sang evil melody in my head, my vision became blur and I couldn't focus on the outside world, evil punched my thoughts pushing it furthur into my past, I remembered him fighting her, my dad used to always come back home leading straight towards my mother fighting with her, they fought all the time i couldn't sustain their noise, I felt cursed having such parents, I wanted to die at a very young age, that was insane, I wanted to forget, I wanted to be freed, I wanted to run away, I wanted to hide forever, I cannot face any of this anymore, I became fragile night after night, I became the slave of the black bird of the dark cursed land I was imprisoned in. I held a loud yell and prevented it from escaping my gagged mouth, and my body started shaking more and more and curved backwards with my head held back with my eyeballs about to come out of their place, it was all blank and that's when I knew that my eyeballs were looking through the back of my head. My elbows escaped and held my body up from the bed as it shaked more and more, I felt like my heart was going to fall out of my mouth but I clenched my teeth as I assumed the pain more and more. I felt crazy, I felt insane and I felt stupid for being this fragile, for being a slave for my aching past.. I felt so weak and lonely.
I woke up gasping for air the next morning, feeling pain all over my heart and body as the alarm yelled inside my fucking head I felt so sick that morning and didn't want to go to school but I couldn't show a weak face to people they were already making fun of me and besides I needed to focus more on myself this time and study hard. I did my boring morning routine and without putting make-up on or having breakfast I headed straight to college.As I walked the usual boring hall people looked me up and down as always -I'm so sick of this bring something new aleady!- I sighed and rolled my eyes and headed to my first class, "classic litterature" the door read, and as I knocked on the door a male voice answered me inviting me to come in, not the usual annoying female voice of that stupid teacher -Could she be pregnant again? Oh lord doesn't she get bored of kids??-
I opened the door and a very handsome and a good looking man in his late thirties faced me -Oh lord...- he was the most attractive man I have ever met; Black hair, dark blue eyes, a light mustache and a firm look but yet attractive and captivating, he wore a casual grey suit as he styled his hair backwards it was like he just came out of the 1930's. -God I'm lost- I was lost in his deep blue eyes and suddenly he spoke :" you must be miss mariah, good morning I am mr Arkhip and I am your new litterature professor, Take a seat please we are about to start the lesson." he smiled as he finished his sweet sentence and why would he ever smile like that please, that wasn't fair.I smiled back to him :" Nice to meet you professor Arkhip" then headed to my casual seat and I cursed myself that i chose the last seat since the year have started anyways miss Jennifer was annoying as fuck.. He started the lesson by talking about things that I sure wasn't focused on as I was checking him out I was really lost in his voice and his expressions and his hands as they moved when he talked, I melted with every joke he made to not make us feel bored of the lesson and I cursed myself for not being able to get close to him, he absolutely made me drool over him like a hungry puppy for treats, he was too perfect and too hot.
As the lesson was finished I got out of the classtoom heading towards the dining hall looking for Noami, and there was she in our usual table waiting for me. I ran to her and hugged her tightly. "Guess what!" I shouted at her, "What??"
- "That bitch Jennifer is gone and guess who's the new teacher!"
-" Oh my god really! Who?"
-"A very handsome man, you really don't know how attractive he is"
-"Holly shit! How is he tall? short? musceled ? skinny??.."
-"Words can't describe him you need to see him with your own eyes!"
-"Oh Mariah you bitch, you make me so excited"
-"Let's finish lunch first come on."
We had lunch and it wasn't that good actually but drooling over the fucking Arkhip made it tasty, my imagination were dancing around with my inner goddess not wanting to calm down and honestly I was so scared of them because they get too excited over things that surely gets fucked up in the end and I hated the fact that my luck was so stupid for not making my life better, it is just good at making my life a nightmare so I hope this time they won't dance happily for nothing again. -What the actual fuck mariah he is your professor!- I sighed heavily as I brang myself back to reality and told my fucking brain to relax and forget about it.
-He was my professor and it is not legal to do such things with him I am here to study not to make out- but could I stop myself from thinking of him? I doubt so...