I turn my phone over as Nayel's name flashes on my screen yet again.
"You want to get that?" Adam asks eyeing my phone.
"No, it's okay. I'll talk to him later" I smile as Willow walks back into the room with drinks.
"We've been with you for an hour and he's called twice already. Maybe it's important?" Adam nudges me.
"You guys alright M?" Willow asks with concern, "Did something happen in Canada?"
I shake my head, "No, no, Canada was amazing"
"Then why are you avoiding your boyfriend?" Adam quirks a brow at me.
I sigh, "I'm just, We're fine. I'll call him when I get home" I lie.
Willow and Adam exchange a look and I could tell they weren't really buying what I was saying but they decided to drop the topic.
To be honest, nothing happened. Nayel and I are great, Canada was incredible. His family is so lovely, we had a great time, Nayel confided in me about his marriage, and all really is well. It's just the stuff I found at his place yesterday made me feel strange. I can't really describe what it is I'm feeling. I know, I should talk to Nayel about it straight up instead of avoiding him and being distant but I just need some time to process it all.
I honestly assumed after our 10 days together Nayel would need some alone time to recharge by himself since we'll see each other on Monday anyways but he's been texting and calling wanting to talk or see me which makes my heart melt because even after so much time together he still wants to be around me, the same way I want to be around him.
I decide to type in a quick text telling him I'm fine and that I'll call him in a bit then I go back to listening to what Adam and Willow were going on about.
.....
I gather the files as I see Nayel walking out of the elevator. For some reason my heart was running a million miles, I could feel a lump forming in my throat as our eyes meet and he flashes me a half smile.
"Hey" Nayel tilts his head, "See me in my office?"
I smile weakly, "I actually need to get these photocopied and give them to Leonard asap so I'll see you in a while."
Nayel furrows his eyebrows, "Okay" He nods leaving me be.
I know I should talk to him and get this over with as soon as possible but I simply cannot bring myself to do it. I'm honestly making a bigger deal out of this than it needs to be. Okay, so my boyfriend has a Christian Grey side to him, cool. Why hasn't he ever mentioned this to me? And after I tell him I know what does that mean for our relationship? I don't know what I want but if that's something he's into he shouldn't have to hide it from me because then one day won't he resent me for being vanilla and boring?
.....
I let out a deep breath before walking into Nayel's office. Nayel looks up from his laptop and our eyes meet.
"Hi" I smile closing the door behind me.
"Hey, been wondering when you'd drop by" Nayel grins leaning back in his seat.
I cup his cheek and place a soft kiss on his lips. I smile moving away to sit on his desk but Nayel surprises me by grabbing my waist and pulling me into his lap diagonally.
"I haven't seen you all weekend, I missed you" Nayel kisses my neck making me smile.
"I missed you too," I say honestly looking into his eyes, "I just had to catch up with my friends and unpack and stuff. Plus I was really tired so I slept through most of yesterday and the day before" I semi-lie.
Nayel nods staring at me intently, "What's up with you Ria?"
"Huh? Nothing" I gulp.
"You ran out of my house on Friday abruptly, you've been avoiding me all weekend and most of today and now you're making that face. What's going on? Talk to me?" Nayel squeezes my waist, "I thought we had a great time in Toronto." Nayel stares at me through half-lidded eyelids.
"No, Toronto was amazing, I had a wonderful time. I loved every second of it" I reassure him.
"Then what is it?"
I swallow a lump forming in my throat, "Nothing" I lie.
Nayel cocks his head to the side, "Maria" He scowls.
I sigh, "Okay so um" I pause as I lower my gaze to my hands and start playing with my fingers, "On Friday, I was trying to find my scarf when you were showering and I opened the third closet and it was fairly empty until I reached up and found some" I pause hating how awkward I was getting, "toys I guess?" I shrug and look over at Nayel.
"Oh, so you found my B-"
I cut him off, "I did."
"And you're freaked out because you think I'm going to coerce you into doing those things with me? Because I would never do that Ria" Nayel's eyes laced with disappointment.
I shake my head, "No, no, no" I sigh, "It's not that. I just don't understand why you didn't mention that to me. It's quite an important part of your you know whatever and as your girlfriend, I feel like I should know these things. I don't think I know the important things about you like your marriage and now this I.." I trail off.
Nayel lifts my chin to make me look at him, "Ria-"
I shake my head cutting him off, "I'm sorry, I'm just in my head, I don't know why I bought up the marriage thing, yes it bummed me out that you didn't tell me early on but I understand why you were hesitant. These are two different things I just, I don't even know why I'm acting this way" tears start to form in my eyes.
"You're upset that I'm keeping things from you?" Nayel's thumb wipes a tear that slides down my cheek.
"No" I sniffle, "I mean yes sorta but also I'm just" I sigh, "Am I not enough for you sexually? Or if I am right now will there be a point when I won't be? I thought our sex life was pretty spectacular. I know I'm pretty vanilla and not as adventurous or wild as your past lovers. You're the third guy I've slept with and I just want to be able to give you what you give me but I think you hide this part of yourself because you think it will scare and you were right because look at me" I sob pointing to myself, "I'm a fucking mess all because I found out my boyfriend likes to use handcuffs during sex. I'm sorry for ruining your thing for you and for making you feel like you need to pretend to be someone you aren't and I just-" I hide my face in my hands and sob.
"Maria" Nayel says softly, he cups my face making me look at him, "Baby, you're the best I've ever had. I've been with plenty of women but none of them are comparable to you. I don't ever even want to think about being with anyone but you. You drive me crazy all the damn time. I know, I should've mentioned the things I like but I don't need all that stuff with you. Sex with you is phenomenal with it just being us. I know I sound like a fucking cliche but that's how whipped I am by you" Nayel chuckles to himself wiping my tears, "You are more than enough the way you are, I don't deserve you. Please don't doubt yourself. I love you so much and you make me so happy in every aspect of our relationship" Nayel says making me smile.
"Yeah?" I sniffle.
"Yeah baby, I'm getting a little hard right now just by having you so close to me. It's a problem how attracted I am to you" Nayel jokes.
I giggle as he pulls me into a kiss.