The weeks went by, he continued life idly, almost at low power mode. Constantly asking the same philosophical questions every day in front of the dull bathroom mirror, and always answering the same way - nothing. However, it had gotten worse. It was almost as if he was neglecting his life completely. The room was so unkept that clothes had begun to amass under the bed and books and paper were just thrown aside on the floor, as if forgotten about. His family didn't care, yes, they put him in a prestigious boarding school, but he hadn't seen them since Christmas two years ago, and that was because the school was closed for renovating. Yet one thing remained constant. Lysa. He saw her every day, and it had gotten to the point where she had moved next to him for all the lectures, he was with her. It was scary since she wouldn't do anything in the lesson and would just stare at him and what he was writing. He thought it was because she couldn't be bothered to study, but the results in tests were self-explanatory that she did, so why him? It wasn't the quiet back corner like before since almost half the students congregated there after Lysa's move. This made him frustrated and uncomfortable. He was making his way to the next lecture, praying for the isolation he craved for so badly, and then a tap on the shoulder. It was Lysa. She beamed a smile at him, which he returned shallowly.
"Can I walk with you?" She asked, without taking her eyes off him.
"Um… yeah, why not?" He answered nervously. Her presence still made him feel hot and uneven. Her bright blue eyes, her curly long whitey blonde hair drifting down to the centre of her back, her dark eyelashes that seemed to make her even more radiant. She was beautiful… and yet… she would voluntarily choose to sit with him, walk with him, talk to him. Why? He wasn't amazing by any means, and with the mental health he had he knew it. He degraded himself and he knew it. The neglection of his body meant he went slimmer and the muscle he had before begun to deteriorate as the days went on. The eyebags beneath his eyes grew paler by the night and the dead look in his eyes made them go a light grey – almost as if he were blind. But he continued on, because…
She woke up on that Monday morning as the alarm struck at five. She looked at the photo she so cherished and held it tightly against her chest and then jumped out of bed. She quickly eyed the door before shaking her head. She changed, showered and left the room within the next half hour, and ate. The first lecture was boring, as she sat and scribbled notes. He wasn't there so she didn't need to study beforehand. She spent that morning, as per usual, studying all the lessons' work for when she sat with him. She smiled as she knew it was worth it. The lesson ended and as quickly as she left, she found him wandering to his lecture. She felt upset as she saw his untidy uniform as she rapidly strode toward him. She had a desire to… to…
"Can I walk with you?" She asked.
"Um… yeah, why not?" He answered as his grey eyes looked away from her.
'Was he blushing?' she thought excitedly. She smiled in response at him brightly, as he carried on walking. She had done this every day since he allowed her. It was so much better than staring at him all lesson before from a distance. Now she could actually sit next to him and look at him. She felt fuzzy after that thought.
She would ask the same question every day, every lecture she was with him.
"Can I sit with you?" She asked, holding her hands behind her back. She never broke eye contact with him. It was as if she was mesmerised by something. It made him flare up and feel as if he were on fire. So, she sat quietly. What he found weird was that she didn't take anything out her brown bag. She never took any notes, nor studied in-class for anything, and yet she would get the highest grades there.
'It made no sense,' he thought, 'How could someone do that?'
It made the whole class look dumb, yet everyone adored her. She was charismatic, funny, good-looking and… yet she always reminded him of her. Her precious smile. Her love, but then all the pain came flooding back. He inhaled sharply. Lysa quickly turned to see if he was ok. Seeing he looked fine she smiled at him happily and continued to concentrate on the teacher.
'I can't think about her.' He thought. She brought back so much pain that it made it hard for him to breathe properly. Lysa was so much like her though, and yet she wasn't her. The physical features were almost the same. Bright blue eyes, almost angelic blonde hair and a smile you couldn't forget. Even the height difference was uncanny.
'Too similar' He thought.
"You, ok?" She asked suddenly, as he had just realised, he hadn't been writing for almost twenty minutes.
"Yeah, yeah… I'm fine just thinking about something," He answered, "Probably gonna have to do the bits I missed later…"
"Why don't you do it with me?" She interrupted suddenly, "I mean if it isn't an inconvenience or anything with you?"
He sat silently. Astonished at how quick she volunteered to help him, and after a moment.
"I'll give it a pass," He answered giving her a sorry smile, "I have… other stuff to do as well?"
"What?" She asked quickly.
He didn't answer.
"Sorry I just…"
"Are you guys listening in the back?" The lecturer asked staring at them uneasily, "You aren't one to mess about Lysa."
"Sorry, I was just helping him with a question. I'm sorry if I have caused any issues."
The teacher carried on teaching after giving them both a stern stare.
"Sorry," she whispered.
The lesson ended as she tried her best to stay calm and collected. She felt hurt. No one had said 'no' before. She knew he was different since she had tried to get him alone for months, but it was still shocking for her to hear that. She couldn't look at him for the rest of the lesson. Her heart felt almost cracked, or at least wounded, until the point where she might…
"Actually, I'll take you up on that offer, Lysa," He said contemplatively as he packed away. Slower than usual this time, "Tonight?"
'Did he want to talk to her?' she thought, 'Quick think of something to say…'
"Thanks," she said simply smiling at him.
'You idiot, you thought of that?' she thought. The excitement was too much. She needed to prepare something, cook something, make sure she wore something nice and smelt good. She could feel her face flare up as she walked out the classroom with her friends. She couldn't believe what was happening. It felt euphoric. It was her drug. The best feeling ever.