Vanilla
Mother would call me Iebena.
As a child then, I did not understand what it had meant but it always came with hits, slaps....
But after a while, I figured out it meant witch.
Mother... Mother had black shiny hair that was long and straight, glossy even, she was beautiful....
Even when she stared at the mirror, applying rouge lipstick, I would stare at her trim and pleasant figure, because she was perfect.
Even though she smelled like cigarettes and alcohols and some extremely strong perfume.
She was to me.
And her hate for my look and voice was only understandable.
Father...
Father had black hair too, and blue eyes, the only thing I took from him...
Mother had red ones.
It was beautiful really, her eyes, like ruby stones, and everyone had believed I would have her eyes.
But I had Father's.
And nothing else.
The white hair.... Had been alarming.
I remember my head being shoved into tubs of water as her long nails scratched vigorously at my scalp, hoping, praying that it wasn't really white.
Praying that I did not look like a witch.
How many times have I heard it?
"What are you looking at?!"
Her ever tiny and perfect female voice jerks me as I realize I'm back at the lighthouse, hiding behind her door as I always was, with her staring at my reflection with pure hate in her eyes.
No....
No, I can't be here....
She turns, her red eyes glaering as she snaps "Iebena!"
I am still frozen in place as she comes at me before her hand tries to grasp mine, her nails only having to scratch me before I begin to run, my lace nightdress bouncing as I moved.
The hall seems suffocating as I do so, my heart pounding as I prayed that she didn't find me.
Praying...
Praying that it was a nightmare.
I run into my room, entering into my closet and shutting the door, the darkness enveloping me in seconds.
I am breathing hard, and heavy that I put a hand over my mouth to stop, tears already beginning to pool up in my eyes as I try to hold in my breath.
My hand is cold on my face and I know even though I sweat, the fear is more powerful....
"Vanessa...."
The door to the room creaks open as her smell hits me as I begin to breathe harder, sobbing into my hand as she drawls "Come out and play with your Mother"
The darkness seems to try reaching out for me, trying to wrap it's hand around my neck and even though I fight it, it's way powerful....
I can see her shadow coming into the room....
Closer to the closet and opening it, her hand grabbing my shoulder....
I let out a scream as I bury my face into my legs, the tears pouring without reason out of my eyes.
"Nessie?"
Nessie?
I look up at the voice and realizing in horror the place I am.
Lilian's wide doe eyes stare at me with confusion as she says "What are you doing hiding here?"
No.
I look at my body, the nightdress gone, me now wearing the convent uniform....
She passes me a small smile, her small hands reaching out for me in the closet "Mother Superior asks of you"
I should run....
I have been here before, i should run because this is a trap...
But my hand reaches out for hers, on its own accord while my mind fights violently at it, as she pulls me out and walks me out of the room.
The floors creaks as we move and I can see the shadows creeping in ever corner of the hall.
Did you hear what happened?
She's a spawn of Satan. May God forgive her.
Killed someone she did.
Tried loving someone she should not, she did.
Sick...
Witch...
Djur seria iebena aut!
My hand grips Lilian's own tighter as I look at her with tearstained eyes.
Hers look down at me with so much love....
But her lips are pulling into a smirk that does not make me feel safe.
We're in the office and I'm kneeling, my hand on the rough coarse table as the whip descends more.
Cursed being!
One!
Pray to the holy virgin for your damned soul!
Two!
I shall make you bleed and purge out this darkness in you!
I'm sorry!
Quiet! Witch!
I thought she felt the same way!
You'd rot in hell!
"Vanessa!"
No, no leave me alone! I've already apologized! I wouldn't talk to her anymore, I'd stay away, I'd...!
"Nilla, it's me, Mel"
Mel?
"Open your eyes"
I'm shivering as I suddenly jerk up, my eyes flying open as I take in the scene infront of me.
Mel is next to me, in his pyjamas....
The boys and Mistress standing next to my sofa, on the wall, Ber wearing a robe and Cream, a cloth around his waist and Coco hanging unto Mistress...
They were all...
My eyes fill up again as I curl into Mel and cry on his shoulder.
He rubs circles on my back but says nothing, his face nudging mine randomly.
When I'm settled, Cream now next to me with Mel and Mistress seated, Ber at her side with Coco on his laps, she says "Hey"
"Did I.... Did I wake you guys?" I stutter.
"No darling" She says "We haven't been able to sleep actually. We were all watching a movie in the theater room. We couldn't accept the fact you didn't sleep with us but would rather stay on your own after yesterday"
Yesterday....
My hands fly to the thing on my neck as she says "But I wouldn't ask anything until you're calm, okay?"
I nod, slowly as she smiles.
The room is silent for a while till I say "Nothing... Happened yesterday"
"Something did" Mistress says "The incident with Ana, but after that, after your meeting with Ari and you called me to pick you. You were glum and walked straight to your room and locked yourself in"
"Took the grace of God that the door wasn't broken down by Ber" Coco piques in.
"Wanna talk about what happened?" She asks.
I...
I slowly shake my head "Nothing... Nothing happened"
I hear her let out a low sigh as she says "Van, I can't help you if you won't tell me what's wrong"
"I'm fine" I say "You... You guys are here, so I'm fine"
Cream bends to my temple and places a kiss on it and says "As we would always be"
"But we're not buying it" Ber cuts in "Do you know the thoughts that came up my head when you locked your fucking door?"
"Berry, calm down"
The male looks away immediately as Cream lays his hand on his chest while Mistress says "Vanilla. I understand that there are somethings you need to know, which I will tell you, but you must understand that I'd ask you though if you feel uncomfortable, tell me"
I slowly nod.
She sighs "Do you know anything about your Aunt's whereabouts?"
I look up at her, panic filling me "Is.. is something wrong?"
"No dear" She replies softly "I haven't buseen able to reach her, that's all. There is so much about your past that she didn't tell me so the investigation going on to know why anyone would want you dead is still hitting a dead point"
Oh.....
"But that's for another time" She says "Vanilla, I am a therapist, okay? Some years back Berry's family had reached out for my attention and help. I chose to help, leaving him in the rehab with other people. That's where he met Ana. They were practically best friends and she was the first to give him Strawberry, before I took in the name and gave you all yours. After a while, the paparazzi and public got hold of information that Berry was with me and would flood the centre continuously. His parents got wind of that and asked me to take him in, with me, for the time being. I did not want to accept it at first but I am glad I did at the end"
I look at Ber who's now stroking Cream's hair as the other male is staring at me.
"I could not take Ana along and so they had to go separate ways. Cream, and the boys came along and stayed with me. I suppose that Ana had always wanted to be with us but I never really considered it. You see.... Berry is the only one that likes her. They don't"
"Which is such a shock cause I like everyone" Coco says with a sigh.
"We like people only if they are liked by people with love" Mel says gently into my ear "That was why we respected Ana"
"That's one reason I never really considered bringing her here" Mistress continues "She's dead anyway"
My heart jerks as she says "No, it's not your fault. This was inevitable really. She was naturally unstable. Let's just say that it was going to happen. It just happened sooner"
Why....
Why does she sound so carefree about it?
A small smile comes on her face "If she had not died. The boys would have found a way to kill her"
What?
"They're actually quite possessive really" She says with a shrug "And I suppose I would have to. There is already so much going on. Losing you is not an option Nilla"
My heart begins to pound, but not in the bad way as she says "Now, the questions I have to ask"
It stops now....
"What had Ana said to you in Aerian?"
"I don't know"
My reply is fast, more like a blurt, more like I cannot bear the thought of confessing the truth.
And Mistress had caught on "You can tell me anything. Vanilla, I am here for you. We all are. We love you"
I grip my crucifix as I look down "I... I really don't Mistress"
She sighs, and a part of me wants to tell her the truth...
But the other part knows...
She would never love me anymore.
"I suppose that's all then"
She stands straight, a smile back on her face as she stares down at me "You need to sleep"
I slowly nod.
"With us"
I look up at her fast "Huh?"
"You can't possibly think we would leave you again, now do you?" Cream says quietly as he walks away from Ber and grabs me into his arm, me frozen to even fight it as Mel stands up from the bed and walks to Ber who holds him.
"You should always be with us Vanilla" Mistress says as she bends down and kisses my forehead "Always"