I stare at her statue, her face ever incased in an halo as she stares down at me like she can see pass my soul.
The soul itself that was dark and evil and bad.
Behold, O Mother of God, at thy feet a miserable sinner, a slave of hell, who has recourse to thee and trusts in thee.
I do not deserve that thou shouldst even look at me; but I know that thou having seen thy Son die for the salvation of sinners. Hast the greatest desire to help them.
I clutch my crucifix tighter as the cathedral still stays silent, a slight breeze flowing through my hair as that prayer rings in my head.
I was back at Aeira, as it is the only place with a Cathedral that I know will give me peace.
I needed peace.
What was i thinking?
There was only so much I could ignore.
I had asked Mistress if she would let me come here and though I'd expected a no, she had said I could, but I had to come along with someone.
Mel had something he needed doing.
Cream, not that he had any issues with the church, did not like going places Ber did not like.
And Ber...
A sudden rage had filled him when I had brought it up.
"What do you want there?! You think some old man in the sky cares about you?! Don't be delirious. Stay with us. We'd take care of you way more than him! And we're real. Stay, come on!"
I had calmly replied that I had memories there I wanted to replay and he had simply slammed his hand on the table and walked away from the dining area.
After that, Coco agreed to come along saying he had things be needed doing anyway and Mistress asked us to get some certain things on our way back.
Food stuffs and cloths actually.
But Coco agreed to leave me in the Cathedral while he shopped for food and then we'd go look for cloths together.
Still....
A part of me wished he had stayed behind.
I hear all call the refuge of sinners, the hope of those who are in despair, and the help of the abandoned.
Thou art, then, my refuge, my hope and my help. Thou hast to save me by thy intercession.
"This is the prayer of forgiveness Vanessa" Mother would say when we were sitted in church, her ever perfect face radiating everything angelic that she was not except the constant snarl in her voice was there as she whispered to me "Pray for your sins, because God's first punishment to you was making you exist"
Then, I had not fully understood what I was apologizing for, but I did.
I recited the prayer every Sunday.
Help me, for the love of Jesus Christ; extend thy hand to a miserable creature who has fallen, and recommends himself to thee.
I know that thy pleasure is to help a sinner to thy utmost; help me, therefore, now that thou canst do so.
Did the church people know that my Mother derived constant joy in beating me?
I believe they did.
The gowns always showed the bruises, Mother was never afraid to hide them, but they always stayed away.
They treated us like the plague, Mother and I.
We always stayed locked up in our lighthouse until it was Sunday and it was always the same routine.
Her looking perfect, me trying my best to match up and getting beaten.
Us sitting in the front row as the mass goes on, my eyes locked on the reverend.
Could he not see I was in pain?
Could he not help?
By my sins I have lost divine grace, and with it my soul; I now place myself in thy hands.
Tell me what I must do to recover the favor of the Lord, and I will immediately do it. He sends me to thee that thou mayst help me; and will that I should have recourse to thy mercy, that not only the merits of thy Son, but also thy intercession may help me to save my soul.
And back at the convent, it was the same thing.
They made me recite it endlessly, as my punishment, as a sinner that I was.
And when they had found out the real truth about it all.....
To thee, then, I have recourse; do thou, who prayest for so many others, pray also to Jesus for me; tell him that thou desirest my salvation, and he will pardon me, and he will forgive me; show how thou canst enrich those who trust in thee.
Amen.
"Excuse me?"
I jerk and turn around, coming face to face with an old man walking up to me, a small smile on his face "If you're here for the mass. I am afraid you have missed it"
My breath seems to hitch as I recognize the face.
He has aged....
But that smile.
That same smile he would give, standing at the pulpit, looking at me.
Like he could have helped, could have saved me...
But he never did anything.
"Do I know you....?"
"Nilla!"
My eyes dart to the end of the church as Coco walks in, two shopping bags in hand and a smug look on his face "Are you done lovely?"
I find myself jogging off to him, my heart racing as I realize that the reverend is looking at me before grabbing him in a tight hug.
He seems shocked at it but nevertheless just hugs me back "Come on, let's go"
We walk out of the house, me still holding unto him as light and fresh air sweeps my face before I look up at him.
His hair is blind now and a gold earring shines down at me with him wearing a red turtleneck sweater and long coat, his red lips pursed in that of boredom before he looks up at me and his face brightens up "You'd turn me on if you keep looking at me like that"
I roll my eyes and look away even though I'm blushing before he chuckles and begins to pull me through the crowds.
I find us at the same shop that Mistress had once taken me to, Coco running up to the lady and placing a kiss on her face as he says "Eudora my darling! My heart had craved you"
She blushes, even though it's obvious she's older as she adjusts her glasses on her face and says "I might find your flattery appealing but I know you have not thought of me for the past two weeks"
Coco gasps, a hand on his chest "Your lack of faith in me is repulsive but it's not my fault you see"
He pulls me closer and envelops me in a hug as he says "She just has my attention this days. I am so lucky to have five people who would want to fuck me"
My eyes nearly bulge out as the woman laughs "You would kill her with crassness"
He scoffs, placing a kiss on my head "With my love. I shall strangle and fill her with my love and c....."
"I suppose you had a reason for coming Chocolate" She cuts in.
She calls him that too....
He smiles "Mistress wants me getting lingerie and night wears for our sleepover"
Lin...
Sleepover?!
I turn to face him "I wasn't told that"
He smiles more now that his eyes when close "You weren't supposed to. It really wasn't your fault but your choice of lingerie is terrifying. It clashes with your skin tone my love"
"How did you...."
"I was going to have a sneak peak at your underwears last night. Pervert, i know, and came across it. You have a lot of underwear but I know you never bother to wear them, why...."
I clamp my hand over his mouth and face the laughing woman "Um, can we... Can we see them?"
She nods and says "Please wait at the changing room then"
I nod and watch her walk away before I feel Coco lick my hand and jerk it off "What is wrong with you?!"
He looks down at me, his blue eyes showing those sparks they always give off before he begins to pull me by the hand and when we reach a door, opens it and drags me in, shutting and locking it.
Coco suddenly pins me on the wall, the spark in his eyes now making my skin jitter as he says "I have a hard on"
And that's when I feel it.
The thing poking my stomach.
I frown "No. Come on, we can't... I can't! It'd hurt"
"I'd just give you a head" He replies....
My body lights up as I find myself saying "What... What are you...."
"Are you that naive? Well then, I want to..."
"I know what it means" I snap as I say "Isn't this the changing room? What if she comes in and...."
"We do it here a lot. Mostly Ber and I. She doesn't mind honest. When she comes, just tell her you're busy inside and she'd go away"
"Coco...."
His eyes feel with tears again. The same sadness he had shown Mistress earlier as he says "Please. It hurts right now. It's literally begging me to fuck you but I won't. You'd like it, I promise"
As his gaze on me seems to burn through my senses, I find myself letting out a small hiss and saying "Okay"
That spark lights up immediately and he turns me around, slamming my face on the wall that it hurts but before I can say anything else, he's on the floor and my panties are down with him speaking directly under me, his breath warm against it "You're so wet, it's hard to believe you were actually saying no to me"
I find me shutting my eyes and saying "Can you just...."
"Hold on"
He stands up and walks to a shelf there, bringing out his phone and setting it there, the camera facing us as my heart drops "What are you...."
"I take videos of me fucking" He replies simply "When I can that is. Ber helped me record ours while I sucked him today. It's just better to watch than porn considering I'm hotter than any of them and I do it with people I love. What more can I ask for?"
What....
I try to say something else but he's back on his knees and all of a sudden, his face is there.
His hands hold my waist and presses it to his mouth as I let out a loud gasp.
He uses his tongue to flicker over me, just on my bud there as I find myself grinding on him and biting hard on my lips as my body presses more on the wall.
He goes fast, loud pants and sighs escaping my lips as I find myself reaching out to his hair and pulling him closer, sensations hitting me repeatedly as I bite harder I'm sure I bleed.
His mouth leaves there and begins to slide up, going in between my cheeks and before I can stop him, his tongue brushes there.
The feeling is foreign but I feel my body shudder and shake before one finger of his goes into me, his tongue still licking me there....
I try talking but all that comes out is just mumbles and me drooling uncontrollably.
I hear a knock on the door that wakes me up and her saying "I'm with the clothes now"
At that, Coco turns me around, my back now on the wall but he just widens my legs and goes back to me, his fingers out and tongue in, driving me insane.
His eyes look up at me as i find myself stuttering "I'm... I'm busy"
There is silence at the door before I head her footsteps walk away and Coco's tongue brush my bud and I shiver again, now looking at me.
His eyes shine with excitement as he keeps lapping me like a puppy while my legs threaten to give away before I find myself saying "I'm... I'm about to...."
The release shatters me there as I let out a loud groan, my eyes shut as he keeps sucking me till nothing else comes out.
When i open my eyes, he's still on his knees, his lips wet and glistening with some down his lips before he stands up and kisses me, hard.
I can taste myself on him but his ever sweet chocolate taste is more present and then when he pulls away, he pulls me into his arms and says "Don't ever leave me"