Vanilla
There was this thing Mother always said.
That when I had nothing to do, nothing to say, which was mostly everytime of our life together, I should stay away.
Hide.
Avoid.
Possibly, be non existent.
Which I was trying to do by the way.
Before I came home with Mistress and the boys, she had tried to make me understand that she was my guardian and also, as my Aunt had handed me over to her, she was solely responsible for me.
Of course if I didn't want to come along, she could arrange some certain things and hand over responsibility to Mrs Light but she also made it clear that she was already prepared to take care of every possible needs of mine, Mrs Light, not so really.
Like she was indirectly saying.
'You'd be a burden to the woman Vanessa. You might be to me, but at least, I don't mind'
And if that didn't hurt, I had no idea what else did.
And I missed them too....
I missed Mel blushing at every little thing, Coco always trying to make everyone laugh even though at the end it was only funny to him, Cream always being naked cause he felt better that way, Ber.... Ber just looking at me....
And Mistress...
Her calming words, her one liners.... Her smile....
I missed all of them.
And during the part of their absence, I realize that....
That I liked all of them.... Mistress I was aware of first, which made me feel really disgusted about myself, because after everything they had done for me at the Convent, my ungrateful self was ready to sin again...
And the boys...
All four of them.
I at first thought I just missed them, just as I would miss anyone, but it wasn't like that.
It was never like that.
They all made me feel safe, in their own way, and protected, and their presence always calmed me or made me feel high on something....
And I hated it.
It felt so surreal, so... Stupid and wicked of me, to be so greedy as to like five people, equally and not want to share....
So I stayed away.
Though it hurt, it killed me, but I believed staying away from them might make me feel better, might make the feelings go away...
It didn't.
"Morning Nilla!"
I can feel him towering over me, just like a dog, as he always was as I slowly peek my head over the blanket.
He quickly goes down and takes a swipe at my face as I smile and clean it, leaning in to touch his face "Hi Coco"
He smiles, rubbing his head on my hand and as soon as my heart begins to pound at the reaction, I say "Can... You leave? I need to get dressed"
Though it's something I've been saying ever since I got back, he didn't seem to like it, or get used to it "But I want to stay"
"Please" I say, because the thought of him seeing me....
But his down face suddenly brightens up as he says "I'd be outside, okie?" And runs out of the room.
I find myself smiling at his cuteness...
Or his ever excessive use of the word, 'Okie'
When I am done dressing, I take out my new uniform, because I had make me feel uncomfortable and she immediately sent me another one.
Except this time, I was not wearing a blazer or skirt, but an ash turtle neck sweater and black trousers, which I had never seen any girl in school by the way, but I never complained about it.
I brush my hair, not really sure on what to do with it today so I leave it down and walk out of the room.
Coco is wrapping his hand around mine and pulling me down the hall and stairs, laughing until we reach the dining table.
Mistress and the other boys are already seated as she says good morning to me and I reply with a smile, now sitting on my seat.
"Your hair doesn't look right" Cream suddenly says, standing up.
I want to explain to him that I never knew how to braid hair because of Mothers incessant watch over me but he just walks up to me and begins to braid it himself.
I feel him pull my hair, not tightly, and I sit, still as he does so then when he's done, he says "Perfect" And goes back to his seat next to Coco.
"Thank you" I mutter, he only nods.
As we begin to eat, I notice Mel smiling, no, blushing a lot, and no one seems to notice that when we're done, I ask if Mel's okay.
Coco suddenly smiles "Well, last night, we laid on the bench and got..."
"Fed" Cream suddenly cuts in, sparing Coco a glance.
"Eaten more like it" Ber says as Mel reddens.
I have no idea about what they are talking about and look at Mistress for answers but she's only staring at her food and saying nothing.
Weird.
"Um" I say "I.... I wanted to ask for a favour"
Everyone stops eating and looks at me, questionably as Coco rests his head on his face and says "Well shoot darling. We are at your service"
"Can I... Can I go over to Ari's place after school today? I'd be back before dinner though"
Coco's happy face is gone, replaced with surprise as everyone else is, Cream still the same blank face, but there's a continuous twitch on his eyebrow that makes me understand that he is in possible shock too.
Coco speaks first, sighing and saying "Ah, she says the forbidden name of our competitor. Hurtful"
What?
"No you're not" Ber says... No, snaps.
His eyes are bright, with rage, anger, I do not know, but I don't like it.
"We are not losing you again"
Losing me?
"Berry" Mistress says, dabbing at her mouth with a cloth "Be calm"
Ber's eyes slowly dilate, as he rests back on his seat and I see Mel put his hand on Ber and face me "Could you postpone it? Maybe? We.... We have something we'd like telling you today"
"Can you tell me now?"
"Nope" Coco says, popping the 'p' "We need a lot of time, plus your attention, plus you with us, and Mistress has already cancelled whatever plans she has today to be here with us"
It's that... It's that serious?
"No it's fine dear" She says, smiling at me "You're allowed to go wherever you want. I can reschedule"
"She's just being modest" Cream says "She might never have time for this again possibly till December"
Mistress turns to him "All of you seem to be experts at manipulation. I won't let you make Vanilla do something she doesn't again"
Again?
All the boys are now quiet.
Coco whimpering and curling to Cream, Ber not looking at me but holding Mel... Tight.
"It's okay" I say "I... I can reschedule"
"Vanilla...."
I face her with a smile "I just wanted to go tell her thank you anyway, it's not... Well it's not so important, you know, so it's fine"
I notice all the boys smiling though when Mistress looks at them, they all make a sad face immediately.
She sighs and smiles at me "Then of course. I would be awaiting your arrival so we talk, is that good enough for you love?"
Love....
I smile and nod.