"So, what's up?" Haesu-eonni swung the door open with her loud voice, carrying a huge white teddy bear as she entered.
"Don't you guys remember when we were still kids? It suddenly feels like Suzuki is with us, except that it's Yua." I blurted out, not realizing that it could have offended her.
"It does, doesn't it?"
Haesu-eonni drew closer on the edge of Honey's bed and the four of us were huddled together.
"How do you feel about that, Yua?" Honey looked at her with concern as if waiting for something to happen which made me think about why exactly they asked us to come over.
"It feels like how things used to be. Like that time I told you three that I wouldn't last any longer than a week." her response broke me, it shattered my heart and tangled up all my thoughts.
"What do you mean by that, Yua?" Haesu-eonni couldn't believe it either.
"Did you know, Honey?" I put the pieces together and solved the puzzle.
"Suzuki, is that really you? You were cremated though."
I couldn't help but widen my eyes and ask without even stopping to breathe.
"How?"
"Suzuki Mayo, it can't be. Yua, how do you know her??" Haesu-eonni rushed to her side and took a seat on Honey's left, she took Yua's hand and only found out about her birthmark.
"I knew there was something to that heart-shaped birthmark."
"Sora, you had a hunch and didn't bother to tell me?" our eldest friend felt betrayed.
"Aren't you both mad?" Haesu-eonni then turned to face her sister who was peacefully staring at the ceiling as if she knew. "She knows."
I did the honor of clarifying.
"Why am I always the last to find out? I cannot believe you three!" she sulked.
A pillow was thrown from across the bed, hitting Honey's face after she rolled away from Haesu-eonni. "Ow! What gives??" she groaned in pain from the impact it made on her head.
I decided to avenge my best friend and threw a pillow back at Haesu, a heavy one, that is... "Pillow fight!!" Yua pushed me over and ran around inside the room.
"You little..!" the four of us ran around and threw pillows at each other like when we were kids.
Lots of memories resurfaced and felt so incredibly fresh like it was just yesterday...
I could see Suzuki with her pet tiger named Amari, Haesu-eonni with her short bob hair, and Honey with her emotionless face.
'A lot has changed...'
Suzuki is now more open about herself and Amari is no longer around.
Amari used to be so young too, he would roll over and jump just about anywhere in our houses. "Our parents would also hate hearing him roar." Yua continued re-telling about our childhood. "Amari got hit by the car alongside me from four years ago."
Honey shared that her memories have returned and that she remembers many things now...
"What kind of things..?" Haesu-eonni spoke in an uncertain voice.
'It sounded as if she felt afraid.'
Afraid that her sister would remember something about the accident...
"We were in that area, did you happen to know that?" Haesu-eonni asked a different question now, giving me the kind of vibe where she could be afraid that her relationship with her sister would be ruined because of how she treated her back then.
"You were?" Honey's face lit up and the four of us spent that night openly talking about ourselves and each other.
It felt so unreal again.
As if it was all a dream that we never wanted to wake up from.
--Song Ji Eun's Point of View--
I was packing up a basket of my grandmother's pastries, planning on bringing some of them when I visit the grave of both my parents at the cemetery.
"Bring these with you." she handed over a plate of tuna sandwiches, she knew that some of my friends would eventually drop by there like they always do every year.
"Can I get those chocolate-filled sandwiches? Haesu doesn't like tuna, Grammy." she passed me a different plate.
"Is she going to pay them a visit? She messaged me and said goodbye."
I didn't know that my grandmother talked to her, and I thought that Haesu would also leave me for what I had terribly done to all of them.
'I made some really great friends.' true friends that really accept me but I know that they won't tolerate my deeds anymore. "Darling, if you're having a really hard time... You can always come to me or your friends, you know?"
My grandmother hugged me and it felt very comforting. "Thanks, Grammy."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
I asked Byungchan-Oppa to accompany me to the cemetery, knowing that during this time of the year, he would also pay his family a visit in the same place as my parents.
"Thank you." I shortly spoke.
We would often part ways but I decided to ask him if he wanted someone to be by his side this year. "I know that things have been tough and that you've grown out of the pain of losing your loved ones but..." he hushed me, motioning me to follow him quietly.
"I never thought you'd actually say yes!"
I felt so surprised and honored to spend more than a second with him for so long.
We walked inside one of the gates where people would usually bury and visit the dead who are more than groups of three.
The place was filled with colorful flowers that were surprisingly not wilting.
"You grew all these?" my mouth was left hanging.
"If I were you, I'd close my mouth to keep the bees out." Byungchan was ahead of me but he walked back while I stood there looking at all the beautiful roses, lilies, and daffodils.
He pulled one of his hands from his back and closed my mouth.
"Oh, no..." I was taken aback by his actions.
"I have never seen this side of you, can you not? I'm taken!"
I crossed my arms and looked away, however, he held onto my shoulders and assured me that he had no romantic interest in me. "Aren't we friends? Am I not allowed to look out for you?"
He was so clueless.
"I get that." I replied with a flat smile, trying to understand him since he was someone who would likely not join our plans.
"I treat everyone the same way, it's how I used to treat my mother and sister."
He began telling me his story.
And this time, I will not break a friend's trust.
"You lost them in an accident, correct?"
He nodded with his black hair getting in the way of his eyes. I helped him handle that and decided to gain closure with him, to be the first out of everyone in the group to help him out.
"Thanks, and yes... I did lose them when I was still young." he continued to answer my question.
A question that I intended to ask without meaning to get any secrets out of him.
Secrets that I can potentially use on anyone ever again.
"Would you like to help me grow out of my fear of losing my loved ones?" he initiated what I was about to initiate first.
But then, I thought about it carefully. "After all the things I've done... Are you sure?"
I knew this was the perfect opportunity for me to grow out of my fear of trusting other people and getting betrayed.
"Absolutely! Each can have a bad side, and that bad side is often caused by their fears." he lightly laughed at the thought of it, enlightening me about the things I never knew about people. 'It is true...' what I did was all due to my fear.
"I get it now. Thank you for telling me." for opening my eyes and heart to the truth.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
"How about we start by casually making conversations?" I asserted to him, we were walking with the picnic basket on my elbow headed to my parents' grave, and on the way there, we started to figure out more about each other.
Our bad sides didn't seem so bad now that everything's out in the open.
"Yes, and our bad sides often show how badly we've been hurt and afraid of certain things that happened in our past." I urged him to continue whilst walking beside each other.
The spot where I would visit every year was right on the other side of the cemetery where the trees crowded the grassy field.
'There's merely any tombstones there so it's perfect for a picnic.' with the a suitable shade provided by the trees.
"Are you still listening..?" Byungchan-Oppa halted with his hands in mid-air.
We both looked at each other in the eyes and laughed loudly before resuming the conversation we were currently having, and the walktrip toward my parents' grave.
"So, it is our coping mechanism." I clarified.
"YUA!!! Give it back!" we both came to a stop as soon as we reached the path I created as the guide to my parents' grave. There was laughing and chaos going on nearby.
"They're here." I could not help but smile and feel so happy.
"Go on. Be with your friends."
I noticed him look at me for a second before he started walking back to where we came from.
"What do you mean by that? They're also your friends, now come on!" I followed him and dragged him along with me to the others, and gladly joined them.
"Didn't expect to see you." I spoke to my best friend.
"Today's my last day, I wouldn't want to let you down." Haesu took note of the date and time, considering me even till the last day of her stay here in South Korea.
"About what happened with Kim Young..." I opened up the topic but she stopped me.
"I'm over him and what he did, I can't blame him for something he believed in." she ended the discussion about our betrayal.
"I admit that I felt no remorse doing what I did to you." my reply caught her off guard, spitting out the lemon juice she drank.