I try to think of something to say, but my mind comes up blank. Everything is just a mixture of jumbled up words in my head that if I were to say it aloud, it wouldn't sound English.
"Does Jane have an imaginary friend? She says she can't sleep without Mr. Lulu." Noah's footsteps thunders down the stairs as he stops on his tracks, pausing to notice the room's awkward atmosphere. "Did someone die?"
It feels like I'm riding a roller coaster. All twists and turns with uphill climbs that sends me plummeting to the bottom at dizzying speeds. I can't even begin to imagine the sort of childhood he must have had.
I don't want to make any assumptions yet. Though it's tempting to do so.
With a frown, Noah raises his gaze above our heads to the picture on the wall. I see his eyes darken, his jaw ticks.
"We talked about this." He slowly grits out through clenched teeth, shooting Miss Renee a deadly glare.
"She needed to know!"
"I asked for just one favor and you blew it all away!" He's yelling this time, reaching the end of the stairs and gripping me by the arm. "You're coming with me."
I don't have time to protest before he drags me out the front door.
"You're a brat. You know that, right?" He growls.
I trip on a foot but manage to get my balance back as he continues dragging me to the house's backyard. "I may be an idiot, but I'm not stupid. It's a girl in that picture, how is that you?"
"Shut up."
"I mean, it's not biologically possible to be both genders at once." I gasp, an idea coming to my head. "Unless you're an hermaphrodite. An hermaphrodite is a person who has both male and sexual organs, Incase you don't know. Oh my God, do you get monthly periods too?"
"You've got to be the most incorrigible person I have ever met."
"I want information."
"Try the internet."
He drags me towards the playground at the backyard and gives me a not too gentle shove on the swing, making me sit.
I stare up at his tall frame while he looks down at me like a naughty kid that needs severe scolding. He places a hand on his waists, not in a girly way, and pushes a leg slightly forward.
"How did you know about Renee?"
"I'm smarter than you give me credit for?"
"Did you come all the way here for this?"
"Yes," I bluntly reply. "So are you going to start talking, or you want to do it the hard way."
He gives me a quizzical look. "What's the hard way?"
"Nothing. It made me sound badass."
Noah presses a finger to his forehead. I can tell he's having a headache coming on. And I can tell I'm the cause of that headache.
"My mom just got out of rehab when she was pregnant with me," he says, still rubbing the edges of his forehead. "She thought I was a girl child, for some reason I still don't understand. She decorated my room a girly theme before I was born. To her disappointment, I wasn't what she thought I was, so she had this brilliant idea to keep going with the flow..."
"... and kept dressing you as a girl." I finish. He merely nods.
"It went on like that till I was eight. We were going for a family gathering and I looked ridiculous in a pink dress with heels." The image he creates in my head is funny, but I know he'd hate me if I burst out laughing.
"I looked in the mirror, all dolled up and pretty. It wasn't what I wanted. So I stood my ground. I tore all the dresses I had, threw out all the stuffed animals. She was furious, beat me up like a criminal. I think she forgot to take her medications that day."
At this point, the story isn't funny anymore.
"Where was your Dad? Didn't he do anything about it?" My voice breaks.
"He's scared of her. He wouldn't do anything that's not in her favor. After the whole drama, I had bruises everywhere, but it was worth it. I cut my hair she'd left to grow for years. She no longer forced me to learn ballet so I took up basketball, and here I am telling you my life story that's completely none of your business."
I remain silent, my hands clasped tightly together in my lap. My arms itches to hug him, to hold him tight and apologize for having a mentally unstable person for a mom, but I never know when he's going to snap.
I allow the silence stretch over us for what seems like hours before he breaks it.
"Please say something."
"I don't know what to say," I honestly reply.
He snorts. "Are you shitting me? You always have something to say."
"Let's just go back inside. Miss Renee would be worried."
With a nod he barely manages, Noah turns on his heels and walks a few meters away before stopping to look back at me.
"Remember when you told me about your fear of guns?" He asks.
"What about it?"
"I realized I have a fear too. It's called Philophobia." Is all he says as he disappears into the corner, leaving my dumbass to try and figure out what the hell Philophobia means.
Later on, I join them in the living room where Miss Renee shows me some more embarrassing old family photos of Noah. He looked happy and cheerful as a baby, unlike now that he's frowning and arguing with his Aunt for showing me the pictures.
How could I not have found out they were related all along? True, they hardly ever communicated in public but when you look hard enough, there's a slight resemblance in them I just noticed.
They both gesture with their hands when they're trying to prove a point or pissed.
I close the photo album and roll my shoulders as my fingers go up to my temples.
"Do you have a headache, Allie?" Miss Renee asks, setting her Chamomile tea to one side. "I have aspirin."
"No worries. I'm leaving anyway. It's getting late." I look pointedly at Noah.
"The weather forecast says it's going to rain soon," Miss Renee protests.
"Besides, it's not safe out there by this time of the night." Noah rushes to add.
I squeeze the bridge of my nose. I can't believe I'd forgotten how late it was. The knot on the side of my head and the constant headache should have been enough to remind me.
"You could use stay the night and use Noah's bed. I made a personal room for him upstairs he could stay whenever he comes visiting."
"What do you mean 'use Noah's bed'? Do you expect me to sleep on the floor?" Noah asks with a hint of amusement in his voice.
"There is no reason for any of you to sleep on the floor when there is a perfectly good bed available," Miss Renee sends a mischievous wink in my direction.
OhmyGod.
She steps around the table to carry her cup of chamomile tea out to the kitchen.
As soon as she leaves, the atmosphere of the room charges with a whole new tension and a shiver of apprehension sweeps through me.