I was sixteen when I got the news. The news that changed my life. It was the first of the biggest surprises I had gotten that day and I thought nothing would compare to the emotional turmoil I had gone through that day.
Honey, your father and I are getting a divorce.
It took me several seconds to finally comprehend what my mom had said. And when I finally managed to get my composure back, it felt like all blood had drained from my body.
Now, what Noah is currently telling me a mere two years later, comes close to a third.
"What?" I splutter out.
He looks over at me, a frown etched on his face, and for the first time, I finally understand why he's the way he is. A criminal for a brother, two unsupportive parents— it's terrible to imagine.
"Ever heard of Nathan G. Johnston? He was all over the news two years ago."
I shook my head. "I don't exactly watch the news."
"That's my older brother. And he's in jail because of me." Noah stares at my shocked face. "He didn't do this," he taps at the scar on his face. "Let's just say it's a complicated story."
"I am in utter confusion."
"How should I put this in a way a dumb person would understand," he muses and taps on his chin with a finger. "Okay. So I sort of got into a fight back then. It wasn't an intended one, but I have a temper and I know how to use it. This drunken son of a bitch who was two times my size, swung a beer bottle at my face. It broke, the huge pieces pierced straight into my head. I was half conscious, I was bleeding so much, I thought I was going to die."
Noah blows out a breath, leans forward and rests his elbows on his knees with his hands clasped together. They're slightly trembling. His breathing becomes unsteady and shallow as I close a hand over his trembling ones. He looks down at our joined hands.
"Then I heard a gunshot. I didn't see who fired it because I was, you know, struggling to stay alive. I woke up in a hospital after I fainted. My parents were there. My mom was crying but I didn't care about any of those because I couldn't see my brother anywhere. They told me he fired that shot and killed that person. I didn't believe it. Nathan couldn't kill a bug. The story just didn't add up."
My heart starts to pound erratically in my chest, my head spinning like a carousel gone mad. I can't begin to imagine the guilt he must've felt all these years. A guilt similar to mine. I bite down hard on my lower lip to stop myself from bawling my eyes out. He's going to look at me like I'm insane.
"My mom still says it's my fault, says I should've been the one in jail instead. I mean, he's the good one. I'm the bad one. Everyone thought I'd be the first to end up in a prison cell."
"Hey." I can hardly hear my own voice. "I don't think you're bad."
"You called me a rude douchebag."
"I mean, you still are." I give a nervous smile, trying to lighten up the mood but his lips are still pressed into a thin line. "But I'm glad you told me this."
"What do you mean?"
"It means I'm making huge progress. Means you're not so much of a stuffed shirt anymore."
I know he never talks about himself at all, or what's going on with him and I'm glad I was someone he could talk to, to be there for him or at least make my presence known.
Noah looks over at me just as I give his hands a light squeeze. Suddenly, I become breathless. It isn't as if I'd been doing anything previous to this that would've stolen the air out of my lungs, but I'm definitely breathless.
Subtly, I draw in a deep breath to sustain myself and sound more normal. "I'm sure your brother had a reason for doing that. I'm sorry he had to end up behind bars."
Noah lifts one shoulder in a careless shrug. "Yeah, well, that's life."
I stare at him, stunned. How could he just sit there calmly and say that? Does he have ice water in his veins? I'm not even remotely related to his brother but I'm still shocked by the news.
"Don't you have any feelings about this?" I question.
"Whether I have feelings or don't have feelings about a particular subject is not up for public debate or display," he tells me in a stony voice.
Well, that certainly put me in my place. And it stings.
Angry tears rises to my eyes and I silently upbraid myself for it. Tears, to Noah, I'm certain, is undoubtedly a sign of weakness. But ever since I was a little girl, tears had always popped up when it needed to.
Sometimes, the tears always speaks louder than my words.
So rather than saying anything, I abruptly rise on my feet and walk away.
Noah doesn't bother to call out after me as I storm out of the movie theatre. How could he! Was I wrong to express a few feelings about the current state of affairs regarding his brother?
Just when I thought I was making progress, the sonovabitch decides to be a dick.
Still wiping away the tears that threatens to fall, I march into the truck and loudly slam the door shut. After some seconds later, I see Cory come out of the building and slumps into the backseat.
The sound of a thunderstorm rumbles from a distance. It's definitely going to rain.
"Where's Noah?" I ask.
"He was about coming out when I left. Should be out in no time."
The engine roars to life when I turn on the ignition as I buckle my seatbelt and reverse the truck out of the premises, zooming off into the streets. If Noah's going to act like a dick, it's only fair he should be treated like one.
"What are you doing?" Cory's voice booms behind me. "We can't just leave him there. It's going to rain soon."
"If you love him so much then I should drop you off with him too."
"What the hell is wrong with you. Turn the truck around!"
"Don't tell me what to do. I'm in charge here!" I yell back.
" 'In charge' my left butt cheek. TURN THE DAMN TRUCK AROUND."
"Well, Fine!" I twist the steering wheel as the vehicle roughly swerves back in the opposite direction. I don't hear anything Cory is yelling at me over the sound of my own heartbeat. Seeing Noah standing in front of the theater when I turn back makes me even more angrier.
I start speeding so bad.
"Allie, I don't know what got into you, but you have to slow down."
I don't slow down. I continue to come at him with full speed but he doesn't even blink an eye, or lifts a finger; just standing there and staring at me through the truck's front glass challengingly.
The tires give a loud screech when I abruptly step on the brakes, inches away from running him over.
Walking away from the truck's bright headlights, Noah aggressively yanks the passenger's door open and slams it shut. Neither of us says anything, that is until Cory decides to snap.
"What is wrong with you both?!"
"What is wrong with us?" Noah spits out. "What is wrong with YOU? Running away like a fucking child! We're only here by this time of the night because of your stupid ass."
"No one asked for you to come. I don't even know what you're doing here."
"Oh, didn't your little friend tell you no one noticed your irrelevant ass went missing until I found out. What do you have to say about that?"
Everywhere goes deadly silent. Even those awkward cricket sounds aren't heard. Almost as if they died.
"Allie, is that true?" Cory asks in a small voice.
"Whether it's true or not, I knew where you were, alright. Now you guys stop being childish and teach me how to use this google map thing. I don't know the way back."
"What do you mean you don't know the way back?" They both ask at once.
"It's 10pm already plus it's raining. How am I supposed to know the way back? Someone teach me how to use the damn google map."
Noah scoffs. "You want me to teach you to use google map now? How about I also teach you French while I'm at it. German too."
"Don't try to be funny!" I retort angrily.
"Alright, how about confused?" He suggests. "Who doesn't know how to use a bloody map?"
"I DONT."
"You both shut up. I know the way. Just drive." Cory groans and rests his head back on the seat.
I finally pull over in the hotel's car park after hours of nonstop arguments from Noah and Cory. I wonder how we managed not to get hit by another car, considering that they were literally yelling enough to distract me from focusing on the road.
"Where have you three been?!" A dark small figure approaches. I can tell who it is because of the heels. Does she wear heels even past midnight?
"Shut up, Renee." Her mouth hangs open as she stares blankly at Noah who brushes past her and into the building.
I lift her jaw slightly to help close her mouth. "Rough day. I apologize on his behalf."
I can feel the ache in my bones as I slowly walk up the stairs to my room. The room is pitch black when I enter, and I don't see any sign of Lacey or Simone anywhere. That's just the least of my problems.
I close the door behind me and slide slowly down the wooden surface, collapsing softly on the floor. I stare blankly ahead into the darkness ahead as images soar, fly, and weave their way into my mind by force or by chance.
I see Him, young and agile and too amazing to be gone, covered in blood and sweat and my tears.
I see Mabel, laughing and smiling with no care in the world and innocence lurking behind her gray colored eyes.
I see Noah, with a river of sadness flooding his eyes and lighting his face, trying to hide it behind a scowl.
Bringing my knees up to my arms, I weep softly, with the fabric of my shirt absorbing my flowing tears.
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