"Okay." - I mumble and try not to insist, but I'm sure it's Samantha's fault and her way of treating her children.
She is so tired and frustrated that she even scares me sometimes, but I can't get the smiling, sunny woman out of my head, the woman she was before she was abandoned by her husband.
"Do you have a dad?" - she asks suddenly , making me raise my head to meet her eyes again through the mirror.
I nod slowly and frown at the same time, but when she notices the fact that I have finished making two long braids with her dark hair, she runs out of my room, returning to the living room to keep her brother company in front of the television.
My lips remain separated in confusion, but her question made me understand everything.
I give her a quick glance as soon as I leave my room, reassuring myself when I see her laughing with her brother thanks to Ian, and then I resume walking towards the kitchen island on the other side, even though Ethan is still standing there, giving me a perfect view of the reliefs that his muscles form against the tissue of the jersey he wears.
I don't know what it means to grow up without a father, but I imagine my life without him would have been more carefree. I would've known what freedom is.
If it weren't for my father I would certainly have been less ambitious and aggressive, I wouldn't be living within these four high and majestic walls where I live with my friend.
Distracted from my thoughts I approach the refrigerator with the intention of spending the rest of the evening with the ice cream in one hand and the spoon in the other.
It's low in calories, as my dietician suggested, but I'm sure I'll eat more than the double portion the doctor's suggested me.
I need sugars, especially after the little girl's confession, thinking about whether to talk to Samantha about it or not.
I don't know what Mary feels and I can't understand her better than her mother.
I know, however, what it means to live without a mother, which Mary luckily will never have to suffer.
I didn't have anyone by my side to console me when my first boyfriend left me.
And my mom wasn't even there when my panties got bloodied for the first time: I learned what menstruation is from my junior high school teacher.
I hated her so much without even knowing her face or knowing what happened to her: I hated a ghost.
"I haven't been clear enough or you are doing it just to annoy me." - I jump on the spot and turn my heels instantly when Ethan's hoarse voice brings me back to reality.
I take my eyes to the sealed box between my fingers, then bring them back up to his frowned figure.
His hard features make me understand that he is angry with me, but I don't understand why and I prefer to remain silent to let him continue rather than spit sour as usual.
"I don't want children in this house." - he avoids looking at me as he brings a cup full of hot liquid to his lips, avoiding looking at me as he stares at the landscape beyond the small window in front of him, but his tone is so cold that, more for his way of speaking to me than for his words, I lightly hit a foot on the ground:
"In this house you are not in charge." - I point out with a slightly annoyed grimace and a low tone so as not to attract the attention of the others, sitting a couple of meters away.
He's so moody that I want to grab him by the neck every time he gets cocky.
"Be careful to what you say." - this time he looks me straight in the eye with a shivering look, but I hasten to reply whispering:
"Why? What would you do to me?" - I press my lips together in anger and take a step forward, but he doesn't give me time to continue and turns completely on my side, straightening his back to intimidate me with his height :
"You're so fucking annoying!" - he swears on my face, this time saying it more to himself than to me, so I hurry to point my finger at him:
"Be careful to what you say." - I resume his own threat, so he doesn't think twice before imitating my voice:
"Why? What would you do to me? "- he mocks me shamelessly, but this time I can't help myself and I raise my hand to slap him, but as soon as I do he hurries to grab my wrist between his gigantic fingers, and then force me to lower my hand again at my hip:
"Why do you have to surround yourself with children?" - he raises his chin and brings his eyes so close to mine that I am mentally paralyzed by the light color of his pupils, but I can't stop myself from exclaiming against his lips in anger:
"Because I'm afraid of being alone!" - I scream whispering, and then hold my breath when I realize the words that have come out of my mouth, while Ethan's expression goes from angry to serious as soon as I stop breathing.
He frowns and lowers his eyebrows slowly, and then begins to study me from above, as if he could understand what I feel inside just by watching me with his penetrating gaze.