*one year before Akuro's death*
Akuro's mother had never treated him well, but that night was the first time she'd actually slapped him. She screamed at him, going on and on about how much of a disappointment he was, how all he ever did was sit up in his room watching TV and playing games. She said he was not just a disappointment to the family, but also a terrible brother.
His younger sister was in the hospital at the time. She'd been there for over two years and the doctors still couldn't identify what was wrong with her. Her body was giving out, anything she ate hardly gave her any nutrients no matter what, and so she was dreadfully thin and malnourished, even though she ate regularly. The doctors said she only had maybe a year left.
Akuro's sister was two years younger than him, and she was his everything, so when he found out about how the doctors couldn't save her, he fell into a deep depression. He stopped going to visit her. Why? Because even though he knew it wasn't his fault he felt guilty that he wasn't able to do anything for his own little sister. He loved her, but he wasn't able to save her. He was helpless, and he hated it. He wanted to just disappear, trade his own life for hers, but that would never happen. In his mind there was no such thing as god, and if there was a god he was a worthless coward who let his own children suffer.
Akuro sat on his knees in the kitchen that night, his mother breathing heavily after her rant. He was dumbstruck. His cheek stung and tears welled up in his eyes. In that moment everything he'd been trying to bottle up came out all at once and he crumbled. He broke. He could feel his own heart shattering as he sank down to the ground crying.
"I'm sorry…" he cried, "I'm sorry… I'm so sorry."
His mother looked down at him with contempt. "Get out. Go. I don't ever want to see you here again."
That day his own mother had abandoned him. He had nowhere to go, and for a long time he lived in his car, going from job to job just trying to survive. For two months he hadn't returned home, and he knew he wouldn't go back. Ever. Eventually he fell into a new mindset, he'd become numb to the pain, and stopped caring. He had a hard time understanding his own emotions, and he could no longer feel anything.
There were bags under his eyes every day, and he always wore that same blank, dead expression like a ceramic doll. His world was turned on its head, and there was nothing he could do. He cursed his own existence. He felt so helpless. He just wanted to die.
About four months after he'd been kicked out of his house, he was struggling to keep a job and he'd fallen deeper and deeper into depression. He'd given up. He was a failure.
And so he stood at the edge of the bridge looking down at the violently churning river below him, crashing into the sharp, jagged rocks jutting out of the water's surface. The wind tugged and pulled at his hair and his clothes, causing him to sway, leaning dangerously towards the edge. He wanted to cry about his pathetic existence, but for the extent of the previous months he'd been unable to cry, no matter how much he wanted to. He was so numb that no tears could come out.
But it wasn't a relaxing numb, it wasn't the kind of numb that makes you immune to pain, it was a numb that makes you frustrated and want to scream out in agony. It was like being trapped in a cage, you could still feel every ounce of pain, but you were unable to react to it or even realize what is causing it. You were unable to get out of it, trapped in an endless cycle of suffering, unable to cry out for help because in the end you know nobody would care. That's the kind of numb he felt. Every day.
Akuro closed his eyes and hung his head. 'Who would care if I died. In the end I'm worthless. In the end my life has no meaning. In the end I have nothing. I'm pathetic.' He thought. As he prepared himself to fall to his death, he slowly leaned forward, but then a strong gust of wind pushed him and startled him. He forced himself back, falling to the ground.
He laughed, but the laugh was hallow and dead. 'Even the world wants me dead…'
"Hey! You!" Came a feminine voice from his left. Akuro turned his dead eyes to see a girl looking up at him from the sidewalk by the edge of the bridge. She was a little shorter than him, though he guessed she was around his age. She had long hazel brown hair put up in a sloppy pony tail and her eyes were amber. She had smooth, tan skin and she wore a hoodie that looked too big for her. Akuro could see her breath in the cold night air as she shivered, a street light dimly illuminating her.
The girl smiled. "It's a beautiful night, huh?" She turned her beautiful amber eyes to the sky. Akuro looked up, following the girl's gaze. The sky was a midnight blue, stars cast throughout it like a child decided throw glitter across the sky. The moon hung there, a pale crescent among the glittering galaxies ever. In the sky you could barely see tints of purple, green and blue of distant galaxies, far out of their reach. Not even a single cloud drifted in that sky.
It was beautiful.
"So, what are you doing in a place like this on a night like this? It's so not fitting." The girl spoke. Akuro looked down to see that she had moved to lean up against the wall Akuro sat on. He looked into her eyes and for only an instant, he saw hope as the brilliant sky above shone in her amber eyes.
He bowed his head in shame, staring down at the water rushing below him. "Yeah. Sorry…"he said weakly.
"Why are you apologizing, silly? You don't need to apologize to me, now if it's to yourself… that may be a different story." She spoke.
"Yeah…"
"What's your name?"
"I'm.. it's Akuro." He answered. He felt so pathetic.
"Akuro huh? That's a strange name. Never heard that one before."
"I know, it's weird." He said, blushing slightly out of embarrassment.
"No, I like it actually. It's cool!" The girl smiled. "My name's Hope. I know, it's basic and boring." She laughed, a sound that comforted Akuro more than he ever thought it could.
"Hope…" he echoed her words. "I like it." For the first time in months, Akuro gave his first real smile that night.
"Well… the only good thing about my name.. is that there's always hope in misery." Hope smiled, filling Akuro with a warmth he'd missed for so long. "Come on. Let's get out of here."
After meeting Hope, Akuro slowly came out of his depression, slowly gaining back his confidence and becoming more like himself. Four months passed that he spent with Hope, and in that time he'd fallen in love with her, she was the only light in his life of suffering, she was his Hope in his misery.
One night he sat in her room, leaning up against her with her head on his shoulder. That night he couldn't help but think of his sister and how long it's been since he last saw her. He felt horrible. He saw only then that, in all reality, he'd abandoned her. What a horrible brother he was, falling in love while she suffered slowly… alone.
"What's wrong, Akuro?" Hope asked, taking not of his frown.
"Oh… nothing. I'm fine." He lied.
"Then why are you crying?" She asked. Akuro froze then, and slowly put a hand to his cheek. It was damp. And then he felt tears well in his eyes as his vision went blurry.
"I-I'm sorry…" he said. It was the first time he'd cried in over half a year. Hope held him to her chest and stroked his hair.
"How many times to I have to tell you, you don't need to apologize to me, silly." Hope spoke softly. "It's your sister, right? Her name was Alina, wasn't it?"
"Yeah… she's sick. She doesn't have much time left." Akuro said quietly. "Haven't seen her in over half a year now. I wonder how she's doing…"
"Well… let's go see her." Hope said.
Akuro shivered. "No… I- I can't. I don't have the right-"
"You're her older brother, no matter what happens, she'll always love you. I'm sure she knows your in pain, and I doubt she blames you for anything."
Akuro broke down that night and cried. He fell asleep in Hope's arms, and in his mind he'd made the decision. He was going to see his sister. He was going to see Alina.
The next day Akuro dressed himself in the best clothes he had; dark jeans, a dark blue shirt to compliment his eyes and a white hoodie. Hope rushed him out the door, wishing him luck, then he drove to his sister's hospital. Anxiety built up in his chest and he felt like he was going to burst at any moment. His hands shook violently and he had to clench his jaw to keep his teeth from chattering.
For a long time he just sat in the car. About an hour he wasted just sitting there staring at his hands as he held tightly onto the steering wheel as if his life depended on it. He gulped painfully, then took in a deep breath and got out of the car. Each step he took toward the hospital doors increased his anxiety. And when he actually entered the building he shook so bad the people gave him strange looks, taking note of it. He clenched his fists and walked up to the counter, his movements heavy and slow.
"Yes?" The lady at the counter asked.
"I-I'm here to see my si- my sister, Alina Zaizen." He stuttered.
"Name?"
"Akuro. Akuro Zaizen."
The woman flipped through some papers slowly, increasing his anticipation. She glanced up at him. "I know your mother." She said. "She came in a while ago… she removed you from the visitor list…"
Akuro's heart dropped. He felt sick, his head spun and he felt like he'd pass out. His vision blurred.
"No… please… I'm so sorry…" he said meekly.
The woman gave him a long look, he couldn't tell if it was pity or if it was contempt, but he didn't care. He world, again, was crumbling around him.
The woman sighed, then made a note on a paper, folded it, then held it out to Akuro. "Here. Take this. Give it to your sister's nurse, then you can see her. I see how much you care about her just by looking at you. Don't make my choice a mistake, got it?" The woman smiled.
Akuro looked down at the pink slip of paper in the woman's hand. He grabbed it with a trembling hand, then bowed. "Thank you! Thank you so much!"
A sad look crossed the woman's eyes. "If course. Now get out of here before I change my mind."
Akuro turned and walked down the halls of the hospital. He saw injured and crippled people around every corner. At one point he saw a mother and a father holding each other crying. Around another corner he saw a man staring at his missing, bandaged legs. His body was scorched and his eyes were without light. All Akuro saw around every corner was pain. Now he looks back on that and wonders… maybe that was an omen.