Akuro walked through the halls of the hospital, the world spinning and humming with motion all around him. But he had tunnel vision, he could only focus on one thing: taking the next step closer to that door. Closer to his sister. As he moved he gained speed until he was at a jog, straight to his sisters room.
He stopped at a door marked '109'. Childish crayon drawings hung from the door. Drawings of wishes, the wishes of his sister and her dreams of being free. Of being able to leave the cage she was in, and being able to soar in joy and lead a life of happiness. A life without suffering, a life better than the one she led. Akuro realized as he stared at these drawings… as he stared into his sister's will, her hopes, he realized she'd been in the same cage he'd been in all along, suffering the same pain. He was never alone.
He steeled himself, then raised his hand, reaching towards the door. He stopped to look one last time at the drawing of a birdcage hanging from a poorly drawn tree… and the yellow bird that flew out of it. He clenched his jaw in determination.
*knock* he tapped his knuckle on the door *knock*.
He stood there, waiting. Then the door opened and the soft light of the rising sun alighted his feet through the window, the room filled with an orange light. A nurse stood in his way.
"You aren't sup-" Akuro handed her the note before she could finish her sentence. She opened and read the note. She glanced up at him. "Alright." She sighed. "Go ahead… but I warn you… she doesn't have much time."
The nurse stepped aside and Akuro's eyes met with the light, sky blue gleam of his sister's eyes. She smiled brightly. "It's been a while.. bro."
Akuro could only stand there, frozen. He did t know what to say or what to do. He felt out of place. He felt like he had failed her, and now that he looked at his sister, her pale skin, her sunken cheeks, her thin, bony body, he could only cry.
"What's wrong?" She asked softly.
Akuro stepped towards her bed, then fell to his knees at her side.
"I'm so… so sorry." Was all he could say, again and again, the same word. "Sorry…"
Alina smiled warmly. "It's okay. I'm right here… and I don't blame you. I love you, cuz your my big bro."
Akuro looked up at her soft smile. He wondered how she could smile under the situation, how could she smile when she knew she was dying. She held out her hand to him then. He looked at it for a moment, then, hesitantly, placed his hand in hers.
"Your so warm." She said with a bright smile.
"I'm sorry…" Akuro said again. "I failed you… I abandoned you."
"It's okay. You didnt abandon me. I know you drive by my hospital room everyday. I know you love me, and I love you too. I could always feel you here with me. Here." She placed her other hand in her heart.
Akuro bowed his head in shame, tears running down his cheeks.
"Look at me."
He looked up at his sister as she said this as saw a tear in her eye.
"I'm… so happy you came… big brother Akuro!"
And then her hand went limp as her eyes closed shut. A loud monotone alarm sounded through the room. Akuro froze.
"Sis? Sis?" He grabbed her limp hand desperately between both of his. "AILINA!!!" He cried at the top of his lungs. "No, no, no, no, please no! You can't do this! Come back! Please! I'm begging you! Alina!"
He felt a gentle hand on his shoulder as the nurse tried to comfort him. "I'm sorry. You mother decided to take her off of life support."
Akuro's eyes went wide and his heart leapt to his throat. "What?"
"Akuro. You aren't supposed to be here." He heard his mother's voice from behind him. In a flurry of rage Akuro rose to his feet and spun to see her tired, sad face.
"HOW COULD YOU!!" He screamed at her, "YOU KILLED HER!!!"
*SMACK*
Akuro felt a sense of deja vu then as he stood, his cheek stinging.
"It was her decision. I only carried out her wish." His mother spoke calmly.
"Her… decision?" He echoed.
"Yes. That is why you weren't on the visitation list. I planned on telling you myself."
"Why?" Akuro asked helplessly.
"Because I knew this is how you'd react. No matter what you think of me, I'm still your mother and I still care."
Akuro looked at Alina's dead body. She still wore a smile across her lips.
"I… I need to go." He said softly. He walked past his mother, exiting the room.
"No matter what your father says Akuro… it's not Your fault." Said his mother as he left.
Akuro glanced back then at the picture on the door. He looked at the poorly drawn details of the yellow bird. Maybe, he hoped, she was free then, soaring through the sky wherever she wanted to go. He hoped. He wished.
Akuro arrived at Hope's house that evening, weak in the legs and emotionally exhausted. As he walked around the house he thought it was strange how Hope didn't greet him.
"Hope?" He called out weakly. "You home?"
He wandered the house aimlessly. He needed her, he felt like he was going to break. No. He already was broken. And then he saw something out of place. A red paper was folded so it would stand up on the coffee table by the bed. Akuro walked up to it and grabbed it. He feared what could be contained in the note. Was Hope leaving him at a time like this? But as he read the not he realized it was much worse, and it wasn't from Hope. It was from his father.
The note read; "I see you found yourself a girl, eh? Well, it's nice to meet her. How about you come meet up with us for a family get together at the old abandoned farm? We'll be waiting for you in the big barn. Look forward to seeing you there. -Jackson Zaizen"
Akuro felt rage, anxiety and fear swell in his chest all at once as he reread the note over and over again. Something many people did not know about his father, and the reason their mother had left him, was not just because he was an abusive drunk, but he was also the boss of a small gang. No matter how small a gang was, it was still dangerous.
Leaping into action, dropping the note to the floor, Akuro ran out the door as fast as he could and sped to the old abandoned barn.
•
•
•
Akuro stood at the large barn doors. He felt a dreadful sense of familiarity of this. It reminded him of how he sat, waiting in the car, unable to move even though he knew he was running out of time. But this time… this time, he thought, he could control the situation. This time he had a chance.
He opened the doors then, and as the slowly swung open he saw four men, including his father, standing there waiting for him. Hope sat on the ground tied to a post. She appeared unharmed for the most part. And then his sight flashed as he fell to the ground, his ears ringing.
"Akuro!" He heard Hope cry, but it was distant, like an echo. Coming out of his gaze, Akuro began to be able to see again. There was fifth man there who had been waiting for him and had punched him in the face as soon as he opened the doors. One of the men by Hope came forward and helped the man who'd punched Akuro pick him up by the arms, raising him and holding him on his knees by his father's feet.
"Akuro, there you are. I've been waiting for you. Been well?" His dad spoke.
Akuro scowled up at him. "Let… her go!" He growled through his busted lip.
His father flared at him, then kicked him in the chin with his boot. Akuro's ears ran again and he tasted blood in his mouth.
"Don't tell me what to do, you piece of shit. I do whatever I want." Jackson's eyes widened. "I am above the law, ya hear? And you… you're a worthless, pathetic weakling!"
Akuro glanced at Hope, tears running down her face. Rage filled his chest. He wished that he had the strength to break free of the men holding him, he wanted the strength to kill his father in that moment. He tried to move and break free of the men, earning him a crack over his head, and then he felt something cold pressed against his cheek.
"NO!" Hope screamed, and then Akuro realized it was a gun. Sweat ran down Akuro's head as he shook.
"What do you want.." he growled.
Jackson smiled. "Your pain. You need to realize something, boy." He leaned low, putting his face near Akuro's. "You are worthless. Hear me? Worthless. And it's your fault Alina's dead! It should've been you, not her! You're nothing but a waste of life, you don't deserve shit, especially not this girl! You don't deserve to be happy while she is dead."
Akuro bowed his head. He hated his father… but he couldn't help but feel these words hit him. He couldn't help but believe them.
"And so." Jackson smiled maniacally, "I'm taking everything you love."
The gun at Akuro's cheek shifted then and time seemed to slow as it pointed at Hope. Akuro tried to move, but he could not, as as the gun fired, the sound echoed in his ear as the bullet flew through Hopes chest. Her eyes turned to Akuro, and in her last breath, she said something, but Akuro couldn't hear her through the ring in his ears. And then her body went limp. Akuro watched helplessly as blood pooled around her body. Silence fell across the barn.
Then Jackson let out a laugh, which turned Akuro's hate to rage, and his rage turned to pure hatred. He let out a cry of anger and swung his head into one of the men behind him, knocking him off, then he spun and crashed his elbow against the other man's head. When he was free he leapt at the man holding the gun, forced it from his hands and cracked it over his head again and again. Then the other man who had been holding him tackled Akuro to the ground. As they wrestled in the dirt, akuro managed to get the gun's barrel against the man's chest. He pulled the trigger once. Then twice. Then three times before the man collapsed on his side.
Akuro stood, blood covering his clothes, cold, dead eyes glaring his father down, who only looked at him with contempt.
Akuro raised the gun at his father and the other two men moved to attack him, but Jackson waved for them to stop.
"Well?" His father said calmly. "Are going to shoot me? Or are you too scared. Look at your little girly friend." He pointed at Hopes corpse. "You are taking out your rage on me…" he looked at Akuro coldly, "when in the end this is all because of you. It's all your fault. You killed your sister. And you killed your lover. You killed your hope, you killed your heart. You're nothing but a worthless killer."
Akuro let out a cry of rage as he pulled the trigger then. His father did not even flinch. No bullet was ever shot. The gun was out of ammo. Akuro collapsed onto his knees, dropping the gun. He felt lost, broken. He'd lost everything. And that's what his father wanted.
Jackson walked up and looked down at his son with only hate. "What a waste." He spoke as his fist crashed into Akuro's face, knocking him to the ground. But he didn't care anymore. He just lay there, staring at Hope's lifeless body as his own father kicked him repeatedly, over and over. But this physical was nothing compared to the shattering pain in his chest. And then he realized… if his father killed him… he wouldn't care… he didn't care about anything anymore. He didn't want to.
He thought back to the bridge where he'd first met Hope, and he thought, maybe, maybe he should've jumped that day. Maybe he should've died then, rather than feel this pain now. Tears streaked down his face as his father continued to kick him while he was down. But he didn't care.
After a few minutes of kicking his own son, Jackson stopped, brushing his hand through his hair. "I'm not gonna kill you." He spoke, breathing heavily. "I'm gonna let you live in misery and suffering. That's all I want for you, after all it's what you deserve. Let's go boys."
Jackson and his men left then, and the barn went silent. Akuro did not move. In his mind he was just one of the corpses on the ground, a soulless body, a hollow shell. He had nothing left. He just lay there in pain, staring into Hope's lifeless face. He stayed like this for over three hours before he finally got to his feet. He turned his back on the barn and slowly limped out of the building and outside.
He threw his head back, stumbling, as he looked up at the sky. He began to cry once more, his pain only growing as he realized it was the same night sky as that night. Hope's voice echoed in his head on repeat like a broken vinyl, looping the same verses again and again. Then he bowed his head. He limped to his car, opening the door, and getting into the driver seat. He sat there, staring at the steering wheel as he did before he went to see his sister.
And then he burst, screaming at the top of his lungs hitting the steering wheel again and again before hunching forward and crying.
That night Akuro attempted to drive, to the place he had made so many memories, the place he'd found Hope. But then he was hit by a drunk driver. That night Akuro died. Weeks later, Akuro was blamed for Hope's death. Everyone believed he'd gone insane after the death of his sister and had killed Hope. Jackson had come to the authorities saying he came with some friends to try and stop, Akuro, but had failed.
This is the life of Akuro Zaizen.
This is his pain.