The following Monday, I found myself waiting outside the Principal's Office with Yana. As a regular student with no exceptional academic marks nor troublesome records, I didn’t usually frequent this place. And I would never intend to. I should’ve seen this coming, though, the moment I decided to corner Mr. Augusto Pier.
“Are you nervous?” Yana said to me, her voice more comforting than inquiring.
Does it show too much? I would’ve replied but thought I didn’t need to. I knew it was all over my face. I kept still while Yana kept on looking.
“Come here, let me fix your tie,” she said, and I turned to her obediently even though it didn’t need any fixing. I thought it was probably her way of saying “relax”.
I actually didn’t mind if all I had to do that day was to sit close to Yana and let her fix my tie forever, but the Assistant Principal already called us to come inside.
I think in school there was this notion that when you were summoned to the Principal’s Office, it was as good as meeting your doom. I actually believed that even though I couldn’t find a reason to assume such a thing. It wasn’t the Guidance Office, after all. But still, I felt lucky when I came out of there unscathed.
Back in our room, our classmates had no idea about the case; that it was solved, and that the school had asked the involved parties to keep it a secret. I actually thought it was better that way. All’s well that ends well, they say.
“She’s actually pretty nice,” I said to Yana, pertaining to Principal Clarion.
Yana chuckled. “Told you so.”
I began thinking, if the worst had already happened to me, then nothing could go wrong anymore, right? I’d like to think it that way, and hope I was right.
If there was one person who looked more worried than I did, it was Yana.
She was constantly checking on me, class after class. She even offered that I should just photocopy her notes so I wouldn’t have to force myself to write. “My fingers are doing fine,” I had told her a couple of times. And since we were supposed to act the usual, I didn’t want to draw our classmates’ attention by succumbing to Yana’s special treatment.
Until lunch came. Well, no attention was drawn. But there was a special treatment waiting to be succumbed to.
“Come on, let me feed you.” My sweet seatmate had been coaxing me since we started eating lunch in the garden.
I don’t have memories of being spoon-fed as a kid, which is strange. It’s like I’ve always eaten by myself since the moment I’ve become aware of my surroundings. Have I been this way all my life? I’d like to think it was because I didn’t need someone to do it for me. I should be thankful I was capable of taking care of myself at a young age.
“Just let me do this. As a way of saying thanks,” she repeated, a spoonful already aimed at my mouth.
Alright, I give in. I sighed and parted my lips for her.
Yana was gentle in feeding me, as if she was used to doing it. She had younger brothers to take care of, after all, so it shouldn’t be surprising.
Maybe this is what it feels like to be a baby. Helpless, vulnerable.
And yet, patiently taken care of.
Concern, gratitude, guilt.
Yana didn’t have to say it out loud for me to feel these things. It was in the way she was looking at me. In the way she constantly asked if I was okay. In the way… in the way… she was touching me. No matter how random it was for her fingers to lightly brush my cheek.
I sighed and wished she would stop thinking it was her fault.
“Mom said she wants to see you and thank you personally too,” she said after we had both finished our meals.
Yana worrying about me was one thing. Her mom doing the same was another.
“How about the last weekend of August? Exams would’ve been over by then,” I said, surprised at how bold I’ve become these days.
I wasn’t the type to suggest outings, let alone schedule them. But I think there was a part of me that really wanted to go. Partly because I wanted her family to see I’m all right, and mostly because I wanted to spend more time with Yana.
“Sounds good! I’ll tell Kira and Tessa, too.” Yana was beaming and I could tell she was really excited.
I was too, because two weeks from now, I would be going to my dear seatmate’s house.