The weekend turned out just as Borislav had planned; entirely uneventful. Except from a call from Edfone boasting about visiting Mary to the hospital; although justifying his lack of flirting by pointing out that "She was put next to her Grandma's bed, since she's in the same hospital. The grandma has a terminal stage illness and all, so couldn't really be aggressive." as if Borislav, out of everyone, was going to shame Edfone for not getting out a rose bouquet on a hospital date.
Monday came landing faster than he had thought, reducing the uneventful weekend to a minuscule memory, as if it had never been there. In the doorway once again, he found Blobby ten steps ahead and followed him all the way to Lotus Street. There the stalking routine was the exact same as last time; watching Jannet bid her son farewell in the bus, then going jogging. Only this time she seemed to be much more nervous, and looked right and left for the "DeEeE Aa" weirdo that had called her. B-Man crept up slowly to the front door, stuffing his hand in his satchel and pulling out a letter, before sliding it under the door. Just as he had done that, however, Jannet came out from the bloc's corner and sprinted immediately towards the fish-faced giant. Speed hadn't been Blobby's main strength, and as he tried fleeing the scene, having been mentally unprepared for such a scenario, it turned out that despite being an ex-hero, an average yoga mom perfectly managed to grab onto his neck and kick him in the balls.
Borislav stood back, puzzled by the circus mess he had created. Was she reacting like that because of the way he had done the call? Or was it just an instinctive hatred for a man hiding under a cardboard box that slid suspicious letters into her home and stalked her? In any case, B-Man was defeated and begging for peace, laying on the ground miserably with his two huge hands holding the cardboard box on his head. As bystanders joined Borislav in examining the incident, unsure of whether to defend the weirdo on the pavement or the aged lady, she spewed a trembling "Do not move!!!" out her mouth, before taking two steps back towards her house and opening the door. Blobby wasn't stupid enough to do as she said, and spraying water from under his overcoat, rushed away. Several cellphones were filming the scene, while he got lost for an indefinite amount of time into the city.
Borislav went forward, seeing Jannet in tears as she held the letters. The lucid devil on his shoulder whispered a "I told you you'd fuck it up." to him as his face melted into a pot of apathy and shame. He didn't have the time nor will to stay longer by the site of the disaster. He went to show his defeated face into the FCP, being greeted by the Janitor that was swiping next to the counter, where conveniently, Mary was stationed. "Hey Borislav, are you alright?" Edfone asked, recognizing the scent of extremely low confidence. Borislav didn't think of any convenient answer, he had no longer any will for that, too. Acting like a broken robot, he simply uttered the first sentence that came to his mind, not preoccupied with Mary's and other employees' presence; "She kicked him in the nuts."
This politically charged answer killed any semblance of chattering as all turned to Borislav with genuine confusion. Yet he didn't care. After last Friday, what did it matter anyways? Everyone saw him as a freak, if his arm burnt someday he wouldn't get any of the FCP's staff signatures on his plaster, unlike Mary. Maybe he'd get a cliché motivational quote from Edfone at best. He headed straight to his post, having no regret about walking away from his colleagues. He worked his shift as usual until the break came and he tepidly headed to the staff lounge to sit down. He didn't know if Edfone would come for their daily chat, frankly, he hoped he wouldn't. He found himself on a bench, his arms rested on the table as he buried his face inside them.
The babble of the fast-food made itself distant. Borislav's ears were blocked by his arms. As for the sight, he had none. All light was gone. He closed his eyes and breathed, the noise muffling down more with each time he exhaled. Soon, all was gone. Borislav was sleeping. He forgot he was at work, or just didn't care. He was good where he was then, away from the cumulative fuck ups he had caused, away from reality. Everything was so sweet. So very sweet and perfect, until a big pawed monster scratched his shoulder and destroyed the sleeping beauty's slumber with his "Heyo" spoken in a diabolically high-pitched voice. Borislav turned his head to see the inhumanly bald calamity that had ruined his sleep. The man was tall and had clear-cut facial features, his eyebrows were shaved and not a trace of facial hair was to be found on him.
Borislav's eyes drifted to the metallic plaque the man harbored on his shirt; "Lignjoslav". What a dumb fucking name. What did he even want? And most importantly, Borislav asked himself why Sarla was right behind "Lignjoslav", chuckling slightly behind her heart-covered bandaged hand. "Are you good?" the gigantic mass of skin asked, receiving an "I was" in answer from the tortured slacker. Borislav got up, understanding that the break had long been over and leaving without a word. Whatever those two were doing, poking fun in his back or being lovers, wasn't his business and at that time he generally felt apathetic towards it.
Towards the end of his second shift, Edfone came to wipe the floor besides the outcast, inquiring about whether he had noticed the presence of a certain "Lignjoslav". Borislav played dumb and blankly staring outside waiting for the next vehicle to pass, didn't utter a word. But the Janitor made it its duty to share the bits of knowledge he had obtained through gossiping about their new hair-free coworker. "He's a newcomer, apparently he was hired over the weekend. Everyone's been talking about him and he's been helping Sarla and Mary because of their burn situation. It smells bad for us." Edfone whispered, adding "no pun intended" afterwards.
"It's whatever." finally spoke up Borislav, causing Ed to make a strange sound of disappointment with his mouth. The novice seducer scolded him: "That's not a Shimga's attitude, Bo. You're not going anywhere with that kind of reaction." "Whatever" Borislav repeated, making his friend all the madder. Dropping his mop against the wall, Edfone started a long speech, although keeping his voice down not to bother the nearby personnel: " A dick-faced man comes here, hits on the girl you saved from fire, and you simply shrug it off and let him get laid with your target!? Borislav. This is far from being Shimga, or Phala, you're at the bottom of the pyramid here. I don't like saying this but you're acting like a Gomea!". A vehicle pulled up in front of the booth, interrupting the speech for a good three minutes. The customer gone, the speech resumed at once: "You're flying the white flag without even trying. Now is the time to be aggressive, to be strong. Not to be weak and cry in a corner! Remember the White Night method, Bo. Sarla is flirting with the Prince Of Night, because you have simply been a Knight so far. Time to murder him, figuratively, and get your child inside of her, figuratively too, and become the Night!"
Bo sighed. He looked into Edfone Jack's twinkly eyes as he gave the most honest answer he could; "Ed. Don't you- don't you see what happens whenever I try to do something? My neighbor got kicked in his-...parts and humiliated publicly because of me. And that lady, she was in tears too. You're always telling me to stop listening to negative thoughts or whatever, but you don't understand- that overconfidence on a soul like mine that can't deliver anything to the world only results in negative actions." It was possibly the clearest and well-delivered speech Borislav had ever delivered since he arrived in Janisbure, and yet, Edfone wasn't convinced. "All I hear is a Gomea making excuses. Become Shimga, up the mindset. Don't let the past hold you back Bo." Edfone retorted as if Borislav's whole argument had flown out of his ears.
They did not argue further, nor spoke to each other for the rest of the day. As Borislav took off, he couldn't decide whether he should have felt happy or miserable about going back to the apartment, after what he had inflicted on his neighbor. It made him walk at an unusually slow pace, never overtaking anybody walking in front of him. As he reached Walnut Wharf, he saw an immense crowd of people assembled on and next to the dock. Some had even climbed onto the Ferris Wheel. They were all gawking in one direction, yet Borislav couldn't discern what they were looking at, since the view was heavily hampered. He approached and could, thanks to the screen of the phone that one of the gawkers held on a "photo stick", have an idea of what was happening. He saw a gigantic snow globe, nearly the size of the Aarbaaz Tower, being dropped by several superhumans onto a small island facing the city. Borislav would learn later that he was seeing the most literal snowglobe in existence, a standing transparent fridge containing two frost angels taking the height of the sphere. The idea of dropping two enormous frost statues in front of a tropical city was the result of a profitable collaboration KonstruKorp, HeroKorp, and most importantly the city-state's acting president. Janisbure's iconic frozen angels were born, and Borislav had known nothing about it.
He would have stayed to admire the installation for as long as possible if it wasn't for the fact the space became more crammed each second passing; if he was to go back home he had to get out as fast as he had gone into the crowd. As he abandoned the Wharf and strolled on he noticed many people on the rooftops and on the pavements, lost in admiration for Janisbure's new wonder. It lasted until the wharf was long out of view, and Borislav reached Wallow Street's depressingly empty scenery. There, nobody was dreaming on the rooftops. All dreams were dead and gone.
Borislav made his way, still slowly, up to the doorway. Upon entering, he could hear sobbings emanating from behind Blobby's half-opened door. He carefully approached it, opening it up finally to find Blobby sat on the floor and pushing baby-like cries in front of his laptop's screen. Tons of balled-up tissue papers were scattered across the room, and the curtains by the window only let through a scarce light. The place reeked of a strange odor. Borislav knocked against the door, staring at Blobby's existential crisis. "You can come in." the bloated-faced neighbor told him, still pushing slight cries.
"What happened?" The visitor asked as he looked away from Blobby's eyes, unable to ask something this dishonest to his face. B-Man turned his laptop around on his lap, the screen now facing Borislav, who fetched a chair laying near the diner table to avoid being covered in the weird substance that sprayed the room's floor. He sat down and looked closely at a video titled "Cosplaying Creep Getting Destroy By A Mom". The video depicted exactly what Borislav had seen this morning; the kick in the balls, the "DO NOT MOVE!!!", and Blobby fleeing the scene.
"Is that you?" Borislav asked, still not looking into Blobby's eyes. "Yuh" Blobby responded, miserably, then adding; "It's all- over now.". Borislav looked down, he was right. It was all over. There's nothing that could be done to make Miss Sweemey love him. "Why are you saying that?" dishonestly asked Borislav, trying to be encouraging. Blobby stopped sobbing, taking on a much more serious tone: "Everyone likes...to think that we can fix everything. But now there's nothing I can do. I wish I could go back and do things differently, but I don't have that power. Now I have to live with it. It's over. All over."
"Maybe there's a chance you could fix it" Borislav retorted. All the dishonesty started to make him feel equally saddened, was it what it felt like to be Edfone Jack? "No there's not," Blobby concluded, leaving a gap in the conversation. "What is the most cliché thing to say to a heartbroken man?" Borislav asked himself during that silence, before finally putting his finger on it and speaking; "There's other fish in the sea. You can find someone else." All of a sudden, B-Man closed the laptop and looked intensely at Borislav. It was a strangely eager look, that had Borislav worried. "Yes!" Blobby shouted, then elaborated; "This is such a great idea!.". Leaning towards Borislav's chair he pointed his finger at him, shouting "YOU."
Borislav was confused, "Me?" he asked. "YOU." reiterated Blobby, "You can be that someone else!". The young man rose from his chair, retreating behind it. "Blobby, I can't." he painfully blurted out. "WHY?" Blobby asked, expressionlessly. Borislav had to explain; "I already have someone. And I'm too young. I'm only 23 years old, you- you know." Blobby's face didn't change one bit, arguing further; "You're old enough! It's legal too! You'll get loads and loads of money I promise! This job is for you!". Job? What kind of person was talking about a romantic partner in these terms? Borislav wished he had never walked into this hellish place, gulping as he responded: "Maybe it's legal. But it's weird. I don't need your money. I don't want it."
B-Man grabbed his laptop into his arms and typed something on the keyboard, before turning the screen towards Borislav. "Look how many Zitcoins I have!", he shouted. "Granted- it's an impressive amount of Zitcoins- But I don't care. it's still weird!" Borislav uttered as he walked backwards towards the door. "It's not just money! We will be helping the community!" Blobby insisted, prompting a more expression-filled "How!?" from Borislav's frowning face. "Think about it. The drugs I sell are not actually drugs! They're just water pills. It's a placebo effect. Better they buy from us than from real drug dealers!" the enthusiastic entrepreneur added.
Borislav's face went to rest, although he still didn't understand what Blobby was going on about. Drugs? Water Pills? Dealers? Had Detective Azurfin been utterly stupid from the start? "Wait. Weren't you in love- with the girl who kicked you?" Borislav asked with a grim face. Blobby scratched his head, "No. She was my client's wife." "Oh." Borislav sighed, before asking, "But the drugs you sell aren't real?", before receiving a confirmation from Blobby. "Isn't it still illegal?" he inquired further, receiving a negation this time. "Are YOU in?" Blobby asked, dropping to his knees and whispering a "Please", as well.
"What do I have to do?" Borislav asked. "Just deliver the orders." Blobby responded, "I can't do it now that people and police might recognize me" he continued. Borislav frowned, "I thought you said it was legal.", "It is. I just don't want to risk losing anonymity." Blobby responded. Bo then inquired about what his pay would be; given "0.001 Zitcoins" per week as an answer, equivalent to 7 000 pals. He asked again, not believing his ears. With this wage alone he would be able to pay HeroKorp back, not in 6 years, but a little bit over a year!
This business was certainly shady, and unexpected. But Blobby was getting rich. In fact, Borislav didn't understand why he wouldn't get out of this run-down building and buy himself a luxury aquarium at the other end of the city. In any case, the young man started thinking about these last weeks of work. He pictured himself performing the same thing for 6 years, still stuck at phase one of "Mission New Haven" and having nowhere else to go. He didn't want that. Here, his weird neighbor was offering him a way out; a very easy one. All he had to do was drop water-filled packages to some houses in the morning, and that was it. "I'll think about it." Borislav told B-Man, who immediately asked; "Does that mean yes??". Borislav nodded.
Note to the reader: While the sale of Counterfeit drugs is not *technically* prohibited by Janisburian Law, it remains a criminal offense in the majority of countries around the world. The author of this work doesn't condone the behavior depicted here and invites all of the readers to remain critical of Borislav's extremely dumb decisions and behaviors.