Days to months flew just in a matter of seconds, neither Sung-Ho came back to Jin-Ae nor she did come to know that the video she reaped daily were of him.
She let go of the rope of hope she held for months, now her past, her future had nothing to do with her, her situation, her love for him seemed to wait for long to be loved by Sung-Ho.
Eventually, she began to hide her sadness behind that pretty smiling face, her patience was over, she got herself in the phase of life where she neither wished for anybody nor loved to have somebody around. Just a soul who lost herself while waiting for him to return to her.
It wasn't the situation at her side, but his life threatened him to initiate with the knowledge of business law, fetched himself vigorous with business deals, he intended to subsist with her, he too forfeited his hope to see her ever again, now he bemoaned everything, he was foul-mouthed himself with tough words.
Their souls hew roughly that their hopes to love each other wiped out down too inadequately.
Justin, Min, Tae-Hyun weren't of help when fate decided to play around them, fate wasn't on their sides.
"Believe in your love, you will get what you asked for," this phrase became quite familiar for them to heed, to undergo with every day.
Not just this, Jin-Ae's mother tortured an broken soul even more than in the past, but she didn't fight against, didn't stand against her mom, didn't tell her brother about her.
Everything fell asunder just in a couple of months, everything between these people seized a big upheaval.
______________
Jin-Ae:)
"Aunt, I'm out, if someone asks please bother to inform them," I felt like I had become responsibility for my family. She gleamed while giving me a head nod, dead soul wanted some alone time with myself, I had plentiful with these people around me, bluffed as they cared.
So without uttering any word to her, I stepped towards the entrance while being fallen in my thoughts, I didn't realise I had been overthinking everything, although I had nothing to think about. Brother asked me every day if I was alright, yeah he spent more time with me, he cared and he showed but ever since mom came back here, no further being acting as alcoholic lady, she started torturing me in a worse way possible, which made me feel insecure about my being, I couldn't coax to inform brother or father because everyday fight here humiliated me.
I guess this was my overthinking, all about my family state, Sung-Ho was lost somewhere that his presence, his love turned as invisible for me.
I guess I lost him, I lost all hopes to love him, to be cherished.
Shuddering my head, squandering this thought, I sauntered further.
"Where are you going? Probably to cry somewhere alone right?" her words stabbed hard into my heart, she never had an ounce of sympathy for her daughter, after all, we were concerned by blood, I couldn't persuade to give her the possession of mother, she wasn't admirable of that, she lost it long heretofore.
My gritted teeth showed that her words hurt me, but not aspiring her to notice, so I smoothened a little.
Without opposing her I moved further in my way because no matter what I say, she wouldn't understand, I still remembered her promise or a threat to me "I would make this place hell for you, I promise" biting my bottom lip to hold back my sobs, my sheds, my life became a mess, he was the last hope which I lost very soon.
Climbing inside the car, I turned on the music, needed to distract myself with my own fightings.
And moved towards to have my time to myself.
After driving for one hour straight, and sitting around the beach, where was surrounded by a couple of people.
But my mind only revolved around just myself, my suffering, my cries every day, whimpering to sleep every night.
This was my life.
The beach is my heaven, where I can go to remember. I go when my home becomes too full of melancholy memories. Usually, they build up slowly, but today the thoughts are unrelenting. Because they're the impossible ones. The if-only's, continually questioning me. A beach is timeless. Things around it can change, but the smell of the salt; the sound of the seagulls screeching; the feeling of the sea spray on your face will always be constant. Here, I'm not seventy-five anymore but twenty-three; the year. I remember that day I met him so vividly, I could almost trick myself into being at the same place again. I wish I was, just to see him again, to hold him again.
Someone said, "Love is beautiful," Was that so?
Was love beautiful in my case? thinking over these questions, some chuckles left my way, feeling pity.
As I watched people after sighing with regret, with pain nothing else, now my life revolved around these two things, a couple got my attention.
They were kissing while dancing on the beat of the music, his hand sliding down her waist to hold her closer to him, her hands wrapped around his neck, her hair tossed messing this romantic hour. They laughed when her hair got in their mouth while kissing each other passionately.
And I joined them too for a minute, realising how happy were they together, being in love, fortunate enough to hold each other's selves like forever.
Returning to the waves, my inner self craved for him, craved for his touch, craved for his love. While feeling the cold winds hitting my face, tossing my hair too, I closed my eyes shut, imagining dancing with him at the beach, soon a smile left the corners of my lips.
""I was dancing. Arms flailing in the sky above me, we whirled around and whooped happiness into the sweat-stained air. Foot forward. Back. I couldn't remember the last time I'd done this — why had I ever stopped? A hand grabbed mine and I was swung backwards, dipped low, then soaring into the air, the flashing colours momentarily blinding me … I touched ground again and skidded to a smiling, breathless halt. He moved his left foot backwards in a smooth motion, sliding across the slick floor. I slid my right foot forward, chasing his retreating foot with mine, like a fox on the hunt. Dipping forward and looking into my eyes, his fingers tightened on my ribs as his left foot came forward again, surprising my foot and chasing it back. We stopped, toe to toe, and he pulled my hips in close to his.
Threatening to brush his lips against mine, he looked to the left, and then to the right. I mimicked him, turning my head opposite. To the right, then to the left.
He pushed me away as though I was too terrible, yet too wonderful, to be near, yet he held on to my left hand with his right, catching e as our arms pulled tautly and spinning me out and away. Then he reeled me back in, unable to give up.
I fell into him, his strong arms wrapping me tight, protecting me before casting out.""
I was pulled by the sound of giggles, that made me open my eyes, encountering the sight of people laughing, and at that moment I wished I had him here with me. Wanting him to love me.
"I love him!"
______________
Sung-Ho:)
*He took a step closer. He was never one for the romantic aspects of relationships but felt none of his innate awkwardness with her. He was an entirely new person, but would not lie and say he didn't enjoy being this new guy, one who could open up and express his thoughts to her, watching him quietly.
He took a step closer.
"It was never real — any attraction I had for her," he said, his voice serene and distant to his ears. "That's why it took me so long to realize it because I'm not used to feeling this way. I'm not used to the butterflies, the way I wanted to break Justin in half for kissing you. I'm not used to seeing a future with anyone because, until last May, I didn't know if I had one."
Her eyes filled with sympathy. She looked as if she wanted to say something, but did not.
"But I see my future now," he said resolutely, "and it's incredible."
"Harry..." she whispered. She was so focused on his eyes that she did not even notice how much closer he was now. Their bodies radiated the same heat, their lips held identical smiles.
"So," he continued, "I guess what I'm saying is — if you're not still mad at me — that I want this to happen. Us. If that's okay with you."
He took a step closer.
It was her. It was only her, the sole thing left in the universe, eyes shining like two worlds only for him, visible only to him, and her blue colour that always drew his attention. It was her bubbly laugh, her curly hair, her trademark smile, the way she whispered his name. It was her, it always was, and it always will be.
"Harry..." she repeated; soft and quiet, like the sound of a song bird's wings.
She took a step closer.
Her fingers brushed the hem of his shirt: worn cotton, old and blue. She must have seen him a thousand times in this shirt, but she had never seen it so close before. It complimented him well, playing against the world of his eyes in a way that visibly appealed to her. He decided to wear it more often.
He took a step closer.
Now that he was so close, he began to see even more of her face under the darkening blush: Her light freckles, spread across her face in a way so much softer than most peoples', where he could look upon them without a queasy feeling in his stomach, without thinking of blood spilt for him. His mind was full of the opposite.
He was swimming in thoughts of life and possibility, what he could do versus what he would do, and what he most definitely should not do.
She took a step closer.
He was looking down on her — really looking, and all the nervousness he was so prone to feeling washed out of him like a tidal wave, flooding from the tips of his fingers and crashing out of his mouth as it parted most slightly, almost invisible. But he knew it was, for her eyes fluttered down to it.
Neither knew who took the final step, but someone did, and they were no longer two people with two stories and two minds, but one.
She finally noticed how close he truly was when his lips enclosed on hers; soft yet immersive, gentle yet powerful all the same. All there was the two of them, or one of them, rather, and all he could feel was her: Vanilla and lavender in his nose, strawberry-coloured hair and blue eyes on his mind. And all she could feel was him: Pine and sea salt, raven black and green*
I just encountered a couple kissing before my eyes, while made me bite my lower lips with secured eyes, that's when slashes left my eye.
Everything blurred before me, she lost her shines for me as I kinda lost myself and her too, I regretted everything, why did I come here leaving her there alone? Why I didn't tell her before coming? Now I regret it!
"It's about to hit a year without you, without seeing you, without talking to you," as some sobs filled the space in the car, missing her.
"I'm sorry leaving you alone but it's my promise no matter how long it takes, I will come to you, my love," this was the sentence that I affirmed every day before myself.
After encountering that romantic scene, I drove off to my place while whispering, "I love you."