The next day it was muggy.
It's one of those days that makes you feel listless without even effort.
Worse yet, BingLan is feeling listless.
She had been in a hyper emotive state the past week, what with her rebirth, sudden appearance of the guy who looked like a male god of her dreams, and the ultra super lightning fast marriage.
She has convinced herself Fan Delun is her one and only.
She convinced herself her feelings for Delun are as vast as sea, as boundless as the sky.
However, reality is not so.
Sure, she fell in love at first sight, and she knows beyond doubt she will never like another man more than Delun. He is the love of her life.
However, is he worthy enough to stay with braving all these life threatening situations?
She is not so sure.
She likes how he looks, she likes how he's rich. However, the world is proving once again, it's not easy to stay on top. For everything, an equal price must be paid.
If that price is her life, or her career… BingLan is unwilling.
Yet, she liked him too much to walk away from him with no qualms.
In the background, the age old korean song played…
The guy who could not break up,
The girl who can not leave,
So .. we ..
The song left it unanswered, but BingLan has an answer. So, we go round and round.
Unwilling to leave. Unwilling to stay.
It is early in the morning at five thirty.
She got up at five every day, so she could reach the hospital on time.
Delun is still sleeping in the bed beside her.
When sleeping, he looked like an angel - all his sharp features were softened. She realized, it is his eyes which accentuated all the sharpness, not his features themselves.
He looked like a demon king when awake, but he looked like a little boy when sleeping. It's only when he's sleeping does he look his real age.
As she looked at his face, she went through ten rounds of 'I like him' 'I don't like him', 'Stay with him' ' Run far far away' ..
Only, it is all the more apparent she did like him, and while staying away is not acceptable, so does 'run far far away'.
'Is there a middle path for both of us?' BingLan mused.
Life is not a novel where a president can wave his hands, and all the problems are solved.
Even in real life, presidents can't solve problems that way.
Much less, Delun is in that precarious position of heir apparent, not president.
One wrong step at this point will make a difference of life and death.
He will either end up above all of them, or get erased with not even his bones remaining.
It is then BingLan realized.
Her opinion does not matter, for whether Delun remains in her life or not, the change he brings to it is small, that is, if you ignore periodic fatal pre-designed accidents.
Sure, her life could be lost, but such accidents take time to plan and execute.
So, it will not happen every other day.
However, Assume the contrary.
Fan Delun likes her as much as she likes him.
Then.. As hard to hear as it sounds, she will become his achilles heel. The lovelorn children have a psychological tendency to grab onto people or things with the same tenacity when they like him.
If Delun were to like her the same amount as she likes him, she will be the wound all his enemies will poke and poke at, till he bleeds to death.
BingLan is sure.
She is just an ordinary girl. Just knowing Bai Ming and being proposed to by him had exposed her to the underbelly of the city, and Delun, just by being his acquaintance, was almost strangled to death.
Still staying with either of these men? Either she must be touched in the head with special tastes or a drama heroine.
She refused to be a heroine who basks in the glory of her husband alone. Sure, she will not reject that her husband bathes her in gold and brand name goods, but she herself wants to make something of herself.
Is it so wrong to keep away from a guy you like for your career?
Just because she runs away at this time, will she become a canon fodder?
Because only canon fodder made this kind of running away decision. When the heroine makes such a decision, the hero begs on both knees to not abandon him…
Again … !
She scolded herself. Her thoughts go round and round and end up at the same point. Sure, she is willing to make such a sacrifice of staying near Delun. However, only on the condition that Delun likes herself.
She's just not thick faced enough to stick to him even when he dislikes her, or just planning to use her as a shield.
It is just as she finally figured out her way forward Delun woke.
As he got up, BingLan was reminded once more.
This guy, despite her being strangled and struggling to catch her breath, went forward to hide the evidence first.
In fact, none of the Zhu hospital people know Delun caught a perpetrator who broke into their hospital.
All the same, she remembered the reverence with which he ate her home cooked meal, yet also, the way he handled most of the extraneous stuff before helping her on to the bed or calling doctor for herself after she's strangled within an inch of her life.
She knew that it was more important to handle the guy first, as does the evidence, but it stung her somewhere Delun's thinking will be so unaffected by her injury.
It is more common to be shocked and move to help someone on the road when they are injured.
Yet, she's experienced such a traumatic situation, and his first instinct was to catch the bad buy, and erase the evidence.
Sure, he did help her out in the end, but is she supposed to take this as liking her?
Or he's just showing standard care due his wife? Or an employee?
At the last thought, her heart is filled with bitterness.
For, that comparison fits the situation far too well. Fan Delun showed her Due care as that of an asset.
Since the morning, she was rolling in sweetness of her own love, she has completely forgotten love takes two.
Worse yet, she has completely forgotten that different people have different priorities.
She can't be sure Fan Delun will be as diligent towards her as she will be towards him even if he loves her.
Some things might be taught from family, some, from peers, and yet more, from your own inner expression.
She has already assessed this one situation a bit too one sidedly, making all the needed excuses for Delun.
So, this time, she will not make any assumptions.
She will just ask.
But..
What to ask?
Does he love her?
That is a bit too much. It's just two days since they knew each other. Love is too heavy for this short period.
Does he like her?
…
Like is too small an euphemism for expressing interest. You can like cucumber maki, as well as triple chocolate sundae.
However, how does your like measure compared to the items. You like cucumber maki caz it's healthy, and convenient. Triple chocolate sundae is something you take the subway on saturday for more than ten stops if needed.
Can they be compared in 'like'?
Answer is most probably going to be yes, but her situation will be no more clearer than it was before.
Then..
What in the world should she ask?
'Do you want me to stay with you? '
If he says yes, is she willing to stay besides him braving all fatal pre-planned accident events?
No.
'Shall we get a divorce? '
Hells no. She liked him, sure enough, it's a small string, but she is not willing to let go of this string. She doesn't want a divorce, so there's no way they are getting one even if Delun threatens her with a knife to the throat.
Before her thoughts could take more absurd turns, Fan Delun spoke.
"Were you very frightened last night?" He asked.
In just under a second, all of Binglan's concerns melted away.
All she could think is .. F**k! I am a caught fish!
She nodded her head.
After all, despite all her random musings on what to ask Delun, her throat is irrevocably swollen, and she could not speak for the coming three days.
"I am sorry I did not come to your rescue sooner." Delun told her.
BingLan melted beyond all recognition.
Angel Binglan can go sleep in her clouds, devil Binglan could go burn in her fires, because the real BingLan had made her decision.
Not leaving this guy.
Fatal preplanned accidents - Just avoid them if not, buy more insurance.
Enemies that will stab at you? - parry the damn stabs, if you can't endure the pain.
It's not like a big human will die with a single stab!
Yep, she's staying with this guy, and unless he is utterly totally disgusted with herself, she will cling onto him like a leech!