Around four in the afternoon, I visited the castle's library to stand on the balcony and get some fresh air. It was a strange trail through a jungle of shelves that led to the tiny outdoor area, but it offered me plenty of privacy to take a mental break as I overlooked the forest around Mirai—so long as Akiyoshi didn't sneak around.
My eyes were closed, and I inhaled while the breeze tickled my nose and ruffled my hair. A light tap on my shoulder removed me from my trance, followed by a gentle hug from behind.
"Hey," Koharu said to me in my ear. "What have you been up to today?"
A large grin painted my face as I swivelled my head to see her.
*It took you long enough to get your ass over here.*
"The same as usual, though I got to talk to Sinclair earlier."
"Them?" She raised her eyebrows. "They weren't with Leo?"
I chuckled almost darkly. "I said the same thing. You know him. He came eventually to see them. Speaking of Sinclair,"—I decided to cut to the chase despite my affable attitude—"what did you tell your dad yesterday?
*I can't turn back from this subject, but I won't be too adamant about it.*
She blinked, cocking her head to the side as she giggled. "How is that even remotely related?"
"There's a connection."
She grabbed my arm. "But… But I'd like to know, Lia. I can't possibly see why you'd mention the two of them in a sentence without 'horses' or—"
"Would you please stop avoiding the question, Koko?
*I want to believe you…*
I was colder than I meant to be, though my words could have nearly been read as tender. I couldn't see her fearful expression as I placed my cheek in my palm and rested my elbow on the railing. Though I wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt, Jisoo's insistence that Koharu was lying made me suspicious, and I couldn't ignore it as a thought nagged at the back of my mind all day like a guard tugging at the ropes of a pulley.
"Obviously, I told him why you couldn't be at the briefing." Her voice made her statement sound frank and lucid.
*It's that vagueness I thought we already overcame…*
"And why was that?"
She went silent. I knew she wasn't going to lie in front of me, right?
"It's… irrelevant." She seemed despondent and hesitant as I heard her scratch at the exposed skin on the back of her hand.
I turned to her. "You said I was sick, right?"
"Who told you that?" she asked, the offense radiating from her tone.
"Jisoo. Who heard it from your dad," I answered bluntly. When she was silent, I prodded at her more. "Be honest with me here."
I wanted to give her a last chance, hoping she wouldn't fuck it up. Her lips twitched, and she sighed in defeat.
"…I did. I didn't want my dad to be mad." She peered down, guiltily rubbing her arm. "He doesn't let me travel without him or Father."
When I gazed down at her, her face was expressionless, but a veneer of pain coated it.
She continued, "But I couldn't help it. You've done more for me emotionally than anyone, and all I can give you are tangible things rather than experiences and enjoyment because of that stupid rule."
*Ah, the affliction of the rich.*
I hugged her. "Calm down."
Shutting her eyes, she inhaled deeply.
"You've done more than enough for me. I swear. Plus," I joked to comfort her, "the best way to get to a woman's heart is through her stomach—if you've ever heard that saying."
She giggled softly. "I feel like you messed that one up somehow."
I waved my hand. "Probably." I continued, "See, all I want is some honesty for a minute."
"Okay," she mumbled into my shoulder as I gripped her blonde locks.
"Do you know if going out like that is going to have any repercussions? I'm worried after what Sinclair told me, Koko. I'm worried about everything I've heard."
*I thought it was a joke many months ago, but I don't think this many people would be playing along in their little puppet roles. And under what puppeteer?*
She was dead silent until she made a small noise as everything clicked in her head.
"To tell you the truth, I can't guarantee a thing. I know Leo protected us with all the power he had—I trust him—but I don't know if we were seen. I don't know if we weren't. I don't know what my parents would do if they found out. I'm full of questions but no answers." Her tone was erratic and pained as her face went pale from the rush of anxiety.
"Baby, it's okay if you don't know. We'll get through whatever gets handed to us as best as we can. Just don't keep things like this from me when the consequences are dire. Okay?"
*I don't mean to sound controlling, but there's a fine line between that and healthy communication.*
She nodded and murmured, "What did I ever do to deserve you?"
I smiled but gave no response as I caressed her lightly and pecked her on the forehead, and she soon found herself soothed by the soft touches without statements to back them up.
***
After that, we shared a quick dinner in the Moon Castle hours after most of the staff left. It was a quieter event than most at first, but we soon returned to the playful bantering we were used to when I smeared cocoa ice cream on her cheek.
"Cheer up," I said as I giggled.
*You look like a kid did a bad finger painting on your face.*
She practically screeched, "It's so cold!"
Upon realizing what was on her skin, she wiped it off with her index finger and ate it, smacking loudly at the end to annoy me. She waved her nose in the air pompously.
"More for me," she teased. A bit of brown liquid trailed along her jaw and fell off her chin onto a black tablecloth. "Crap."
*Sometimes this color scheme has its advantages.*
I laughed at her, and she threw a cherry covered in vanilla ice cream at me for revenge. Adroitly, I dodged it. That wasn't too hard, I supposed. Her aim was pretty bad (read: fucking terrible).
*It's okay. You don't have to be perfect at everything.*
"I think we're just wasting food now."
She pressed her lips into a thin line. "Yeah, but it's fun."
"Until I walk in and see the new artisan rug covered in cream and a cherry."
Jisoo popped in, and Koharu and I nearly gaped at her as she stepped between our well-cultivated rapport.
"By the way, has anyone seen Akiyoshi?" she asked. "The king has been trying to find him all day, and he's not in the castle."
She looked directly at me and mouthed, "You owe me."
I gulped, knowing I'd have to repay her in some other way. "This isn't the first time I've been asked. I still don't know."
"Have you tried looking by the trench?" Koharu proposed.
I gave her an odd look.
Recalling the scuffle earlier, Jisoo seemed furious. "What is with you kids and wandering off?"
*Right? I haven't heard about this…?*
"Jisoo, the trench is only just outside the moat. My parents won't be angry about it since it's still in the view of the guards."
Jisoo huffed. "Thanks, miss." Then, her voice went quiet. "I can't believe I got asked to do this instead of Seiji."
I snorted as she exited. "I feel you."
***
"I'm still so sorry," Koharu mumbled later when we were in her room in the Sun Castle.
We laid on her bed because she wanted to take a catnap. I held her close—heat radiating onto my skin like a gentle blaze—and her back was pressed to my chest. Lying there, I did the best I could not to fall asleep with her because that would have returned me to the Moon Kingdom earlier than I would have liked. The fluffy bed and her soft body tested me immensely.
*Last time I was in here, I got buried under clothes, so spooning is a humongous improvement.*
I whispered, "Don't worry. Just go to sleep while you have the chance."
"But—"
I shushed her and rested a hand on her hip instead of letting it sit on her waist like a dead fish. "We'll handle anything as it comes up. We're both worried. I can't be mad at you."
That wasn't entirely true; I tended to hold grudges, and a subconscious part of me wanted to reprimand her for being so thoughtless. I didn't think a good time to bring it up was while she was trying to sleep, though, since nobody was entirely rational or themselves with weariness clouding their judgment. I kept what small amount of anger I possessed to myself, hoping it wasn't evident in my tone or word choice.
"You should be for that."
I didn't know how to respond because—in all honesty—I was (somewhat). Finally, I moved my lips by her ear, which strained my neck to the point the position was uncomfortable.
"Stop worrying," I told her. "You can always do that another time."
Taking advantage of my face being over her, she slid out a little from my grasp and tilted her head to kiss me on the lips. We stayed in that position for a few seconds, moving lazily, before she opened her mouth, and I slid my tongue between her parted lips. When I accidentally opened my eyes, which had naturally closed, Koharu's were squinted heavily. I slammed them shut again quickly.
*Fuck. I'm still so awkward at this after… How many times now?*
The afternoon breeze went about its merry way miles beyond us until we broke apart, and as a gesture of acceptance, she smiled sweetly and flipped back over. She rested her head against the pillow, hair bouncing slightly when she landed on it. I shifted the arm on her hip a little higher so that it was slung over her waist again and pulled her close like a treasured stuffed animal kept at someone's bedside. My other arm slid below her neck, and she nuzzled it with her chin.
Not long after, I heard faint snoring from her, which was incredibly endearing. I would have laughed at it from sheer happiness had I not feared waking her up after all the effort it took to get her settled.
Soon, I found myself in the depths of slumber beside the princess, despite how adamantly I fought the temptation to drift off into a trance.
I didn't think it mattered to me then what was to come; I knew tomorrow would arrive on its own and that everything would fall into its place. There was no use in forcing things along and trying to manipulate them if the destination was the same. Shuffling cards never changed the deck itself—only the order in which it was dealt. What was done was done by then, and there were no re-dos like in a game of chess.
If the giddy emotion I felt in times of joy and the connection that bound us together in more intimate times were to be considered love as I had known it, then that was a feeling with which I could live. Because from then on, I found a way to accept that—even if that was all I had left—I would be content.
*Hypothetically speaking.*
Before I knew it, I fell into that senseless love of children guided blindly along the wrong fork in the road. It was ignorant, I thought, to revert to the zeitgeist present during my teenage years.
*But what can I do about it now?*
I just didn't know I would have to make that crucial sacrifice so soon.