"I was married before." I said without preamble. I felt Ed's gaze on me and I turned to look at him for him to see that I was dead serious.
"Whew!" came Ed's surprised response. I can't blame him though. Anyone hearing that from someone they like would be reeling.
"I met him when I was in high school. We went to the same school together. He was the golden boy. Just like you. Handsome, rich, smart, athletic, artistic, name it and he has it. Aside from that, he is also nice. He is known to not say no to those who are in need. He is not like those rich people who would turn their noses up to the needy. He also lived like you, surrounded by servants but never had his parents around." I looked at him as if trying to make him understand why I was weary of him at first. He just nodded and with his eyes told me to keep on talking.
"He was in our basketball team for the first three years. He was always the best player and the court would always be full because of the people who would come just to watch him play. He was the most handsome when he was doing something that he loved. I guess that is what drew the people to him. What drew me to him." I replayed my past, not knowing that I had on a wistful look on my face. I did not see Ed clenching his fist, I was just lost in my own memories.
"He was my first crush. I knew that it was impossible. I was a nobody. An orphan who was adopted by a prominent family. But as you can see my family does not live in luxury and extravagance. My parents were seldom invited in socialite parties. And if they were, they would usually not attend. Claiming that it is just a show of hypocrisy and that they would rather stay at home and be with us."
Ed was just quietly listening to my narration, which actually comforted me since I would not be able to continue telling him everything if he would ask a question or interrupt me.
"He quit basketball in his fourth year to our great dismay. He said he wanted to concentrate on his studies since we were about to graduate. I always wondered why he did that since he was a straight A student even when he was playing. But he made up for it when he joined the theater club."
"You should have seen our shocked faces. No one expected to see him on stage. I mean we get that he is athletic and smart but to also perform? I never thought someone could own that much talent. But boy, oh boy, when he sang...I lost it. I knew I lost my heart to him. It started beating for the first time. For someone. I remembered going flushed and then numb when I realized that it will forever be a unrequited love. I mean how could he return my feelings. That was just impossible." I never knew that all my feelings where showing across my face.
"I set myself for a period of heartbreak. I was always secretly watching him from afar. When he smiles my heart would pound. When he sings I would just feel myself lost in his voice. I would feel a pain in my heart when I saw him talking to other girls. Girls who were a lot better than me. Who were prettier than me. I was timid, I was socially awkward back then. My family knew how I felt. They knew how I loved him. They actually encourage me to talk to him and tell him how I felt. I never listened. I knew it was fruitless."
"One day, I was so pissed because the props that we needed for the play was not working. You see, I was the production head during those times. They wanted me to play one of the lead roles but I preferred working behind the scenes. So, I was in the backstage and was looking at the disgustingly slouched chandelier that we were suppose to hang that day, I no longer knew how to fix it. I was contemplating between fixing it without knowing how and trashing it. "Do you need help?" he asked. When I looked up, I felt like I swallowed my tongue or something. I bet he can hear how loud my heart was beating. I did not know how to respond. He asked me again if I needed help and I could only muster a nod. He smiled at me."
"At me" I repeated while turning towards Ed, disbelief and happiness written on my face. "That was the first time that he did that. It was the first time that his attention was focused on me. I thanked the stars back then, I thanked my guardian angel for urging me to stay behind. If it hadn't been for that broken props, I would never had the chance to talk to him. I was so happy. That was the start of everything. He would always make sure to smile or talk to me. He would also check on me from time to time. One day he just, out of the blue asked me out. I could never forget how I felt back then. I even think that I looked ridiculous while I just kept looking at him in disbelief. He started apologizing and talked about still wanting to be friends with me and that it should not be awkward between us even if I do not feel the same way. I think I half screamed my 'yes, I would love to go out with you!' Causing everyone to know."
"Bry warned me against him. She said she overhead our conversation once and told me that I will end up hurt. She also told me that his family will never be able to accept me. That they will never consider me to be deserving of a place in their family. Even my parents were worried. They did not want me to keep dating him. But I turned a blind eye to their worried faces. My ears were deaf to their constant reminder that I should be careful. I was in love and the person that I thought was beyond my reach also liked me. For me, everything was going to be fine since we both felt the same way." I continued, sadness laced my voice.
"He took me to dinner with his family one time. I was excited and nervous at the same time. When we arrive, I saw his parents running their eyes from my head to toe. I felt really small then. I maybe wearing a great dress but the cost is not enough. I do not have branded clothes, shoes nor purse and I knew that it was a prerequisite. That was when I realized that my family was right. I will never live up to their expectations."
"What hurt the more was when his mother said, "It is just so obvious that you only liked him because of his social standing. Of course, since you are an orphan it is but natural for you to seek acknowledgment. To seek approval and acceptance from the upper class. How pitiful." The disdain that I saw broke my heart. I never felt so small, so insignificant in my entire life. Not even before I was adopted. But meeting them, it was the first time that I felt that a lot of things are missing in my life. I was silent the entire dinner time. His mother was sweet and caring to me in front of him. He never knew what transpired in the short time that he went to the rest room. I was silent the whole dinner, that was just to make sure that I will be able to hold my tears. He dropped me off thinking that everything was fine. That his family liked me."
I spent the night crying. I was so happy that I had a room for myself. Bryanna once knocked on my door but I did not answer. I don't want to see the look of pity in her eyes when she learns what happened. I don't want my family to know since I knew that they would forbid me to meet him again. So I pretended that the dinner went fine and that his family was understanding and accepting. I saw the doubt in my parents eyes but they chose to respect me. We kept on dating. He proposed to me when I turned 18 and I said yes. Throwing all caution to the wind. I just kept praying that everything will be fine and that his family will accept me in due time. My family was against the marriage, saying that I was too young to know what is right and wrong. That I am about to throw my future away for someone who might not be there for me during crunch time. I did not listen. We got married secretly, with just the judge and his clerk as witnesses. We came back to the city, married and ready to start on our own."
"When his parents heard about our secret marriage, they cut him off. They left him fending for his own for the first time in his life. At first he was optimistic. He said that he will take care of me. He got a job as a sales agent. At first, everything was fine. But at some point, he no longer comes home for dinner. He no longer talks to me. He comes home late every night, saying that he had a lot of things to deal with at work. I just kept quiet and took care of his needs. I made sure that when he comes home, he will be coming home to a clean house, that he doesn't have to worry about his dirty clothes, that he has food on the table. But I kept feeling that what I was doing was never enough. I saw him through our mirror looking at me. But what used to be love in his eyes was replaced by hatred. He hated me since I was the reason that he had to go through a lot of hardships. So I started looking for a job to help him out. But I was never lucky to get one. I was always rejected. Even as a waitress or a dish washer. Nobody wanted me. Then one night, he didn't come home. He always does not matter how late. So that made me worried. I tried calling his phone but it did not go through. I waited for him the entire night and the next day and days after but he never showed up again. I tried calling him multiple times but no one answered. I wanted to look for him in the company that he was working for only to realize that he never told me where he worked. So all I can do was wait and pray that nothing bad happened to him. I got sick because of stress and malnutrition. Bry found me completely passed out on the floor. When I woke up, I was in the hospital and was told that I have to stay for a few days. I tried calling him again and he picked up. What he said broke me then. 'I am not coming back, Helena. I am so tired living this way. I want my old life back.' then hang up. That was when I knew that everything that I worked hard for, fought for, wished for and prayed for was gone. Was wasted."
"I grieved for so long. Bry never left my side. I did not go back to my parents house. I was too ashamed to go back. So I promised myself that I will stand on my own two feet again. This was the first time that I came home. After five years. I am happy that they still opened their arms for me."
"Well, that's it. I still have something to tell you but I am not ready for that yet. And I don't think you are too. I would understand if you will no longer like me. But I still hope that we can stay as friends." I finally turned to look at him. I found him looking at me closely.
"The man that you were with him, is it him?" he asked. When I just looked at him, he added "Is it Kempt?"
"Yes." I simply answered.