We went home after our long talk. I knew it was a lot to take so I let him be. I just wish that with him knowing part of my past, he will still continue to be my friend. I have come to appreciate his and Jeff's presence in my life. The comfort of the kind of friendship that they offered is too valuable. They accepted and befriended me without knowing who I was.
"Did you know that you will be working with him again?" Ed asked after a long silence.
"No." I said. "I never expected him to own a publishing company. His family are in the real estate and property development you know. I met him while we were outside." I answered him truthfully.
"I have to be honest, the moment I found out that I was going to work for him, I wanted to leave. But what helped me make it through these past weeks were you guys and my promise to myself. I wanted to stand on my own feet again. I wanted to be someone. And I told myself that I cannot allow the same person to affect my life again. I have given up too much. No one forced me to, but I can't do anything about those years that I have spent with him. It may only be two years as married couple, but what I went through was enough to put a dent in me." I admitted.
"So this is the first time that you both met after your divorce?" he asked in confirmation.
I just nodded. "Why?" I asked.
"What does he know about us?" he asked again, not even bothering to answer me.
"Nothing. He called my attention about it once. I told him that we no longer have anything to do with each other. That he no longer has the right to meddle." I said and added, "Why?"
"Nothing." he said with a shrug and kept quiet while matching his long strides to my shorter ones.
We walked in comfortable silence. One thing that I was never able to do with Ashton. He always walked in a fast pace, leaving me to catch up with him or to walk behind him. That was even when we were dating. He never waited for me. He was never patient with me. He expected me to match him but he never made an effort to match me.
I looked at Ed and saw the sunset casting mysterious shadows on his face. I don't know what is going through his mind. He is wearing his poker face, so I don't know if he is upset, disappointed or disgusted with me. I felt a pang in my heart. I knew it would hurt me if he decides to distance himself from me but it is something I can't help. Just like I can't change my past.
I knew I was asking for too much but I really hope that I will not loose Ed.
"I don't think you were in love with him, by the way." he said suddenly which made me look up in surprise.
Me? Not in love with Ashton? What made him say that? But more importantly, what right does he have to discredit my feelings?
"Don't get me wrong. I am not downplaying you feelings. Maybe you were in love but the way I looked at it and with what you told me, I don't think you were." he continued, not minding the nasty look that I threw his way.
I started walking quickly leaving him behind. When I was a few feet away from him, I turned to look back at him. I just saw him walking leisurely while watching me with an indulgent smile. Like a parent watching their child throwing a tantrum. No matter what I do, he doesn't react to the way I would predict him to. Which is driving me nuts but also makes me want to stay and see what is next.
I waited for him and saw him smirk. This is just infuriating!
"You're a jerk! You know that right?" I said angrily.
"Yep!" he said. "But you like me nonetheless." he added confidently.
What he said made me tongue-tied. Was it obvious?
"You won't be responding to me, babe in that delicious manner if you don't" he said. "You wouldn't even let me come near you, if I will just base it on what you just told me."
I just harrumph. He was right of course, this jerk had me pinned down. He was so good at reading me. I wonder how he can do that.
"As I have said, I don't think you were in love with him." he said disregarding my tantrum. "Grateful, I think was how you felt during that time."
I gaped at him. What? Grateful?
"No one gave you attention before. Aside of course from your family. He was the first one outside from your family to treat you like you were someone. First person to look at you as a woman, or rather a girl. He showered you with attention and offered you a kind of relationship that you never had. He also made you feel like he would fight for you which made you think that it was real. Made you threw everything, even your family for him." came his long explanation.
"I also don't think that he loved you. Not during those times that you were together. I think he saw you as someone that needs him. He was alone almost all his life. No one to express how caring or loving he was. People around him adored him and was deferent to him since he came from a strong family. So when he might you, he regarded you as someone who needs rescuing and made it his mission to be your knight." he added when I was just silent.
We walked in silence after that. Each lost in our own thoughts. I can see the house just a few feet away. He grabbed my hand and pulled me towards a willow tree.
"Let me make this clear, Helena. What happened to you in your past is something that we can no longer change and that we have no control over. But I do not care what happened between you the two of you. What I want to be clear is what is between us. I am in love with you. No questions about that. I am willing to wait for you. I just hope that it would not take you that long to figure things out for yourself. I won't stop you from discovering who you really are, in fact I am going to watch with pleasure as the true Helena unfolds before me. So if you think that you could get rid of me by telling me all the crappy things Kempt made you go through, you are wrong. It would be good for you to keep that in mind. I'm in for the long haul, babe." and he smiled at me.
Smile that made my heart flutter like a pair of butterfly wings that is just about to fly for the first time. All his words were etched in my heart, along with the beautiful memory of his handsome face against the setting sun, the warmth of his hand as he held mine.
It was a beautiful memory. One worth remembering and fighting for.