I quickly run to the bathroom, shielding my eyes from everyone at the table. I hear my uncle trying to translate the word "pussy" to my father. That's a disaster waiting to happen. I wouldn't be surprised; it becomes his new favorite English word. Before it was "beach", but what he really meant to say was "bitch". So, we would go to the bitch and yell at the beach. Twenty years of living in the United States, and still ignorant. I'll tell you my background of where I came from later, right now I'm trying to make an excuse for what just happened. I can't stay long in the bathroom; my grandmother is hounding me to eat more. Knock on the door, "you ok child in there?" You need to eat more so your stomach can process properly, child."
Dan- "Go away, I'm having issues."
My grandmother cannot stop from making sure I am always doing the right thing. How annoying is that? Oh boy, she gets on my nerves. But I'm sure she means well, because she's kind of old. I like to nod my head a lot when we talk, but I can't do it on the phone, so I have to make excuses for why I can't talk a lot. So finally, she leaves and I'm still in a bind. How do I come out with my pants being held high? All of a sudden I hear laughing and folk dancing. As I thought, I was in the clear, I hear scratching on the door.
"So, tell me young one does you like pussy?"
Was I suddenly retarded or crazy? I am hearing voices, but can't see where they are coming from. The scratching was peculiar, and I must have assumed it was my brother. But why would he do such a dumb thing? Oh wait, he has a parasite up his butt, so that was obvious. I should tell him to visit the OBGYN, maybe they can fix him. I suddenly opened the door, and the cat is staring at me. I freak out, trip and fall face down on it. The dream I had was a story in itself. I was the cat coming after myself, trying to convince me that I should be adopted. A little hard to follow, you'll see once the story progresses. I'm not keen on cats, but I don't hate. If the cat is cool with me, I am cool with it. It's all good in the western cat hood. The cat was kind of skinny, but had a sizable belly, just like my beach as father. But the cat felt more of a human than him. I think at least 30 IQ points too. But that's just an assumption I made when I was the cat in the dream. I guess being a cat is not that bad. I get to lick myself when I want, and humans treat me like a king I ought to be. I somehow wake up on my back with the cat staring directly at me with those big piercing green eyes. He, she, whatever says: "Can I be your pussy, please?"
I faint again, and the next time I wake up is on the sofa with everyone staring at me. My brother runs up to me and says, "that's what you get for masturbating so hard." I could not get that cat's imagery out of my mind. How was that possible, for a cat to make such weird requests? Let along talk to a human, in an Italian accent. It was just plain weird. I hope you guys realize; I am not making this up. The cat chose me to be its master, but why? I don't want to take care of anyone or any animal. I'm just a lazy boy. On the way home my parents start to lecture me, on how I should not masturbate. How can I argue with them, they are my parents, what do they know about masturbation? I tried to convince them, that I didn't masturbate, it was something else. But long behold they grounded me for a week and forgot about it in a couple of days. They tried to restrict my bathroom time. My mom yelled, "you better be out in 5 minutes, or else I'm coming in. I'm ok with 5 minutes, just don't try to break the door if I'm running a little late."
That same night before heading to bed, was the last time I would be pigeon held down by my parents. I had a dream of that cat that wanted me to dominate it. No, wait or was it the other way around. Who knows the truth, but it was the last time of my old self.