FELINE
I stay there in the sitting room right in front of him. In my mind, I'm not thinking anything. No thought crosses my mind. My hands are still where it doesn't belong, his face. "What was I thinking? nothing?"
Then all of a sudden I trail my hands along his face to his chin making him look up forcefully but his eyes are still fixated on me. I tilt my head. Now I am thinking. Now I've returned to the new me. I say in a voice that isn't mine. It is thick but feminine. It is soft but echoing. It sounds like I speak with a voice changer but it still feels like mine, the voice.
'What were you talking about ?'
His eyes are still fixated on me. His gaze is strong as whirling breeze. It is as if he resists me. He resists my control on him, one I never knew I had. One that came when I was with Laylah in the room. One that came when I broke the Top's finger. Yes, that one. He resists but I somehow did it. I somehow controlled his entity. I speak again repeating my question. Then he says "The flash."
'I was asking about the flash.'
'Why? No one mentioned it. Why now? Why bring something up now when I wasn't even involved in it at all. Was it the Top? Was it was she wanted all along?'
'Yes. We set out to find Laylah cos of the flash. It was in the plan from the beginning, from the time of the library, five years(5) ago. That was the first time I was assigned to her and since then we've been keeping an eye on her.'
He stops. "Is he resisting it again?" Then he continues with a more reddened face. His veins pops up like popcorn. His veins are more interested in seeing who the person is? Who the hell has the guts to control him? In my subconscious, I notice his scars. The one I gave him. It looks like it had a zipper. Sad.
He continues.
'We kept an eye on both her and you. Like killing two birds with a stone you unknowingly helped us.'
'I do..n..t..under..stan..nd..I..did...wh.at?'
'As soon as you chose to get revenge on Laylah, you did all the work of finding out where she lives, where she schools and all. All we did was have someone watch you so we could get her from you the moment you had your hands on her.'
I am more confused than ever. I never noticed anyone trail me. I thought I was more than careful or was it a hallucination? Let him continue talking I'd figure it out.
Still, on his chin, my fingers squeezes his chin causing another mark. It is bleeding. I have to get information from him and he needs to speak and speak fast. 'Who did you send? Who did you people send? You all have been spying on me since five(5) years ago? Am I still being watched now?'
I am slowly losing it. I am laughing hard sounding more sarcastic than ever. I look around me surveying my environment making myself believe they are still somehow watching me. "Can I control myself ?"
'Answer who...d..id...you...send.'
He says it out like he rushes his words. 'Your mother.'
I am more confused than ever. "Wh...a...t?" I can't take any of this. I have been played big time. I'm losing it. I can feel it. It's as if someone's dragging my inside with me. All the pains I have been feeling are slowly finding their way through me. Like they've been waiting for me to lose it. Like they've been hiding in a corner of my subconscious and now, they'd win!
'I..d..on't..ha..ve...a..mo..ther...Nathaniel's who I have...So...ex...pla...in. Now!' I managed to get my words back.
'Think!' Why is he shouting? It doesn't even matter. 'Did Nathaniel tell you of any marriage? No. No! He didn't, so why conclude you don't have a mother.'
'I...do...n't...under....sta....nd....Dad's....n...ot....my..re...al...dad..So...st....op...spew...ing...non...sen...se!' I had lost it. They've taken over. All of whatever was hiding. I leave boy Nathaniel with force not pushing him but myself. I am pacing in front of him. It is pathetic to see even for Anne. I am shaking. My head is so hot. I feel the heat radiating out of me. My skin turns red! My nervousness takes over. This is it. I should give up. Just there as I am struggling with my wellbeing, boy Nathaniel added.
'Nathaniel's your real dad. He just didn't tell you. Your mother left you on the streets as you always had presumed. Then Nathaniel took you in. Your mother, she caused this. All of this.' It was more like he was convincing me than he told me the tale of my existence. I pay no mind to that cos I didn't even notice. "Nathaniel's my dad? Hun?"
'No.'
'NO.'
'NO!' I touch the sides of my head frequently hitting it. My head is jamming. 'I can't process !' I scream out in frustration, in pain, in confusion. "I've lost it, finally."
He adds, fueling my entity like he wants all of this. Like he wants me to become this. And now he has won. 'And do you know the worst part? Hun? She's someone you know. She's someone who you're interested in. She's the one who you wanted to give Laylah to, Feline.'
I can't express any words. I can't utter letters. My brain can't just think. I'm in front of him. My face is surprised more than ever. My whole life is...not that I care but, why? I storm out of the house pushing against the door and break the lock. I roam through the forest, through the woods. Along those bush paths. Along with those thorns. Along with those shrubs. I wander through not in my right state of mind under this early morning sun. I am now among the roaming and mad.
Nathaniel is on the floor, kneeling. He's smiling. He's choking on his laughter. 'And there we have it, checkmate.' Then he continues with his laughter, loads of it.
WHERE'S MY DAUGHTER?