I gasped.
"I... I'm sorry. We're still trying to figure it out."
"But of course you didn't blame the people around her for not paying attention, right? Because for you she's less important than Aurora?"
"No, Cecilia. But because the people around paid enough attention to know who killed her, and I think you may do too. I know it's hard to keep such a secret for yourself. I know they were killed by the same person."
"You don't have a single clue of what I'm feeling like, so stop pretending you do!"
I was now weeping, and I couldn't hold my legs anymore. I ran fast, almost faster than the wind that was jogging around with me. Now that they know, it's a pain off my shoulder, but how come they shrug off my mom's death! I still can't believe she's dead after I heard Suzy be so calm and flegmatic! But I know Suzy Black is anything but a liar, and she wouldn't do that to me.
My ribcage is on a rollercoaster, my heartbeat is racing, and I'm wailing harder and harder. But who cares? My chest is exploding with pain, my brain is ready to collapse at the thought of my mother not being there anymore. Is this a chess game, or a SAW parody? Eliminating us one by one, so when's my turn? Anything but seeing Brian die, not after his coldness, not after I was convinced of having lost him forever. I remember soon again that the single woman who raised me alone for eight years before rebuilding her confidence and marrying the love of her life won't be here, never again. That the one who was ready to pay for my graphic arts studies was made redundant - from life.
I sat, knees to my chest, heart all overwhelmed and crazily knocking on my bones, my skin. Or was it just me? Was the spiral in my head that was slowly eating me only...hallucinations and mirage? Or was I...really dying from the inside? I closed my eyes hoping the thoughts would get extinct and that slumber would take me to its luxurious kingdom. But it didn't. And my pain refused to go away. I would've wanted it to go away, but it was persistant. The loss was unbearable.
Brian got out of his room.
"Would you like to talk about it?"
"Yes. It hurts too much I can't keep it to myself."
"Then I'm coming."
He sat with me on the floor. More glitter seemed to appear in the sky. But the silence was still heavy like a steel ball.
"I'm sorry."
"You don't have to be so."
"But I am. I know you have a journey in mind, and I'll come with you if that's what it takes."
"You shouldn't. I don't want to lose you too. Suzy and you are all I have left."
"So you'd rather a stranger to inform you of my death?"
"I don't want it to happen, either way."
"Me neither. I'm a coward when it comes to death, don't be mistaken. But I don't want to die knowing you haven't found your truth. I want to help you."
"Do you?"
"Yes I do."
He started drying my tears that were still rolling on my cheeks. And then, he whispered:
"I can't imagine your pain, but I guess it's not easy. I'm sorry for being such a jerk beforehand. You lost Aurora as well as each one of us. Probably, you lost more than most of the people who knew her."
Silence became smoother. As if I grew into being comfortable embracing my own awkwardness, my own quiet and chaotic thoughts around him. I held his hand, and he wrapped both of his palms around mine.
"We'll find a way out, Cecilia."
"Will we? Safe to say I don't believe anymore."
"You can't lose hope. Not now. Mitch won't kill you ; he's exterminating people to guide you somewhere."
"So you believe that, too?"
"Pains me to, but yeah. Seems like the only plausible explanation."
"You sound too infatuated. Almost too much for me to trust you."
"Seems like your sixth sense was given the sack. I can't be implicated in my sister's death. If you think so, you might wanna review your cheat sheets and your psychological profiles, miss detective."
"How did you know?"
"Bad news travel fast. For instance, weird news."
"Can't we... Wait, has Mitch disappeared?"
"Yes. Why would we have spared him otherwise?"
"I thought my desire to spare my own father could make a difference."
"Justice and desire don't make good friends, darling."
"Justice and watching a man kill his daughter's mom without intervening don't make great friends either, and correct me if I'm wrong. I'm sick and tired of this bullshit supremacy!"
"You don't have to prove yourself. You don't need their ranking."
"I know. But if people weren't this elitist, mom might've been alive."
"Understand the feeling, now?"
"I didn't watch her die, Bry, nor did i want her dead. And she was my friend, my mentor too. I lost a lot but I felt guiltiest somehow."
"Why do we fight?"
"We're not fighting. I am just trying to prove my point."
"And I'm just trying to comfort you."
A deep silence settled in.
"Should we depart tomorrow morning?"
"I never said my quest needed departure. But yes, we'll do."
"You're such an aberration, Cece."
"That's what I used to think of your sister. And here we are, I've been mourning her loss for a fortnite now."
We kept on "proving our respective points" all night long - almost.
Then, when the rooster crowed, we woke up and got changed. We both kissed Suzy on the cheek and started walking in the suburbs before deciding on a valid destination to head towards.
"What about we'd talk this off around a nice breakfast."
"That suits me. You don't wanna see me hangry."
We walked until our knees and thighs got sore. From a distance, a small café sounded pretty much like a mirage.
While the elegant waitress took our order, I wondered how much that "indulgence" might cost us. Just staring at the table service and the dishware made me realize we didn't ask for normal pancakes and croissants. But I had morning carb craving, and as long as I needed, it's a bit less than money waste. Just a, well..., a self-care moment that might attract some financial damage.
I have to admit that the food was mouth-watering. The perfectly smooth pancakes you see in ads, the thick layer of maple syrup coating shining already, and a soft melting cube of butter on top. The croissants were buttery, tender and crunchy at the same time, and I never even knew such a thing was possible. They smelt like butter heaven.
Bry and I didn't devour that feast, though. At least not at the speed we were expecting from ourselves Our conversation took us more time than the chewing and we had to figure out a decent destination.
"You don't have a clue where he is, right?"
"Right. But we might wanna attempt something."
"Which is?"
"Guess?"
"It's 7am, Cece. I can't guess."
"Just...guess."
"Your bro?"
"Exactly."
"Drive me to where your mother emprisoned him."
"You might meet some high level bastards there. What do you say?"
"I say let's go."
"Then I'm in. Just finish your food. Considering how much this costs, you might wanna have every last crumb."
Bryan and I were black holes with massive thoughts. And our collision was a little less tough than I expected : the gravitational waves that came in only attracted me closer.