*Seijuro Akashi*
"Happy birthday Sei-kun"
You looked at me happily. You were smiling while you held up that small gift box. You, who had always extended your arms to me, happily greeted me and I can never be happier. I counted it as one of my happiest moments in life. If the others knew about this they would probably laugh at me but I am an idiot for keeping count of our small happy memories. They were, after all, mementos that are meant to be kept for eternity.
I thanked you and opened up your neatly wrapped gift. It was an anklet. You were always a weird one, you choose things for no reason so I asked you why an anklet out of all the things that you can get me. You shortly and happily replied.
"Ankle breaker"
After saying that you laughed loudly. It wasn't really a funny joke but seeing you laugh about it wholeheartedly made me smile. I loved it when I see you smile or laugh, I only want you to be happy for the rest of your life.
At least that's what I wanted before.
I stared at the anklet that you had given me before and raised it up. The snow had stopped dropping and it was only over a little while till the sun peeks up. And yet here I am unable to sleep. I wonder if you're fast asleep right now. I closed my eyes and gritted my teeth as I reminisced what exactly happened last night. I knew it wouldn't be easy to talk to you and last night had proven it.
Unable to comprehend everything and sleep, I stood up and quietly went to your room. There I saw you sleeping soundly but beneath your soft moans of sleep were the marks of tears that had invaded your eyes. I crouched down and dared to touch your cheeks. It tugs my heart how peaceful you looked. How long had I been dreaming of a scene like this? Of you sleeping beside me, of me waking up with you right beside me every day. I missed you. That I should've told you.
I smiled. Even if this wasn't the best and most memorable birthday I had, I'm still grateful that I have you now beside me on this day again after three years. I stared at you a little longer. I removed some strands of hair that had escaped into your face and gently tucked them behind your ear.
"When did you became so beautiful"
*Hanabi Hayazawa*
It was the knock on the door that woke me up. I lazily rolled on my back and stared at the door. Not a later the maid's voice saying that breakfast was ready echoed through the walls of the room. I didn't wait for the maid to repeat herself and just replied with a short okay. I wide-eyed stared at the ceiling and replayed the memories of last night. I sat up and brushed my hands in my face when I realized that I ran away from Sei-kun again.
And on the thought that I might have lashed out on him purposely. I grabbed my pillow, pushed it in my face, and screamed on top of my lungs. The argument last night had eaten every bit of sanity left in me and now I don't know how to even face him. Without realizing that the muffled scream was still loud, not a later I found a frantic Sei-kun that almost literally broke down my door.
"Hanabi what happened?"
I stared at him and quickly pulled the covers over my head so he won't see the horrible state I was in right now.
"Sorry it was nothing"
I bit my lower lip, I can feel my heart beating fast.
"You won't scream like that if it was nothing, what happened?"
I remembered the argument last night and how childish I handled it, does he really expect me to say that? I gripped the sheets and lowered them slightly so that I was almost peeking. Sei-kun was standing by the door, only a few feet away from me. He was wearing only a shirt and some baggy jeans, not the average clothing you would expect him to be wearing. He was also sweating like he just came from a jog or was it because he ran here when he heard me.
The thought of him running here when he heard my muffled screams made my heart skipped a beat and I'm not gonna lie about it.
"I just... I thought I was kidnapped and got deported somewhere when I woke up"
He only stared at me for seconds before he went on laughing. It was a stupid lie, to be honest, but hearing his laugh makes me want to go to him and just hug him. I stared back at him and instantly felt myself blushing and utterly confused.
"I was playing basketball Hanabi, care to join me?"
Did he already forget what happened last night? How we confronted each other? Or basically how I confronted him? No, I'm pretty sure the conversation would be brought up later again. This had always been his way of handling me. He would act as nothing happened and when I finally relaxed, he'll hit me with the topic again.
"No, I think I'll stay in bed for a little longer"
Upon refusing his offer, his expression quickly changed to a wary one. I shifted my gaze when I saw how sad his eyes were.
"Okay, come out when you're ready to talk about it"
I simply nodded at him and not a while later I heard the bedroom door being closed. I then found myself all alone in the room again. I laid flat on my back and stared at the bare ceiling that welcomed me. I felt drained, to be honest.
I replayed Sei-kun's explanation in my head again and again and the endpoint was still obvious. He was scared that I would leave him because he couldn't protect me and keep his promise. It broke my heart, even more, knowing that the reason why he pushed me away was all because of his fear. It pained me that after all of those years, he still didn't trust me enough to know that I loved him more than anything and that nothing could make me leave him.
But you did leave him, didn't you? You ran away
The tiny voice at the back of my head whispered back. I ran but it was because it was so painful already. I left because I felt like I didn't belong anymore. Because they made me feel that I didn't belong anymore. I left because I felt used. I closed my eyes and let all the emotions take over. After a while I found myself crying again as I remember it.
As I remember the memories of that last year with them.
"Well then-coach I'll be going on ahead for now"
"Hanabi, remember what I made you promise?"
I smiled at coach Shirogane and saluted at him. He only smiled back at me. His condition had gotten worse so he had to leave coaching and focus on his medication.
"To offer the guys support, I will do it until my legs give out coach"
Coach only laughed at me and waved me off, for the past years he welcomed me as someone who can be trusted when it came to the generation of miracles. It all started when he found me one day on the court throwing random balls into the basket, every shot making its score regardless of the shot's form. He then found out that I was Sei-kun's childhood friend and a basketball prodigy, according to him. After that he let me be the team's other manager, Satsuki-chan was the other one. While Satsuki-chan handled all the data, I handled the geniuses and supported Shu-senpai with beating with Haizaki before.
As I bid the coach farewell, I happily skipped down the hospital and made my way back to school. It's the weekend today but I know that the team was doing some training so that's where I'll be heading. Upon arriving, I could already hear Ryouta-kun and Daiki-kun bickering. I peeped inside and saw that the geniuses were complete. I instinctively smiled and went inside not even bothering what shoes I was wearing.
"Don't you guys ever get tired of bickering?"
All of them turned towards my direction and hurriedly Ryouta-kun ran up in front of me only to ask me a stupid question.
"Hanachi, who is better? Me or Aominechi?"
"Oi Kise, don't drag Hana into this."
"Kisechin, Hanachin obviously won't answer it"
"Hanachiiii!"
I stared at Ryouta-kun and just smiled at him. Every time he's with Daiki-kun it always felt he wanted to compete with him. Well, I guess he did want to compete with everyone else. I only raised an eyebrow and crossed my arms in front of my chest.
"I'm still better than the both of you so why bother asking?"
Ryouta-kun's facial expression was that of beyond shock, I smiled sweetly at him while the others were laughing at the back. I was about to move forward when I felt Daiki-kun's arms holding me into a chokehold.
"You're really getting cockier Hana, wanna go at it? Today's the day that I'll beat you"
I tapped out of Daiki-kun's arms but it still wasn't enough, the fact that he grew taller and bulkier again is really an annoying feat. He was grinning widely, it was as if the fact that I was hopeless beneath him was a joyous moment for him.
"Aomine-kun, Hanabi-san will run out of air"
It was Tetsu-kun who spoke that made Daiki-kun jumped out because of his fright. I laughed at him, no matter how much they match on the games, he would still be surprised by Tetsu-kun's reoccurring presence like it was still new to him.
"Tetsu-kunnnnn!"
Before I can even thank Tetsu-kun, Satsuki-chan had already come up running before throwing herself at the small bluenette. I grimaced when I saw Tetsu-kun flatted out on the gymnasium floor with Satsuki-chan on top of him.
"Did you visit him?"
I looked up and saw Sei-kun's eyes staring at me, there was a small smile on his face. One that I had always loved looking at, I happily nodded at him before going in his and Shin-kun's direction. It was then that Shin-kun eyed me to head to toe.
"Hana-san, you're not wearing the proper shoes. Go out and change them."
I only laughed at him which I can tell greatly annoyed him as he repeated what he said earlier. In the back, I could hear Ryouta-kun and Daiki-kun arguing again. This was the normal routine within our new group of friends. For me, everything about this is just perfect and nothing can ever replace this.
After practice we walked down the way leading home, the group had decided to eat grandma's ramen before going home. It was something that we had always done. All the way I was laughing as the others were bickering in front of me. It was the usual stuff, Shin-kun scolding Atsushi-kun about his unhygienic way of eating. Ryouta-kun and Daiki-kun arguing while having Tetsu-kun in between them followed by Satsuki-chan who was ogling over the bluenette.
"You seem to be enjoying this Hanabi"
I turned beside me and saw Sei-kun staring at me with his usual small smile. I smiled widely at him and nodded.
"I hope this will last forever"
Sei-kun let out a chuckle before looking at the guys up ahead. There was a small glint in his red eyes and there I knew that there was something wrong. I held on to his elbow to grab his attention and not a second later he looked at me. There was uncertainty in his eyes, one that had me worrying.
"Is something wrong?"
He again chuckled lightly before patting my head. He leveled his face to mine and I can feel my cheeks burning into a red tint.
"Nothing's wrong Hanabi, you don't have to worry about it"
But that was what exactly had me worrying. He then held my hand and urged me to continue walking. These past few days felt like Sei-kun was trying to hide something from me. I tried to ask the others but they would only look at me and say that it was something that I don't have to worry about. I heaved out a sigh, I'm not a child that wouldn't understand what it is but that's exactly how they keep on treating me. It just makes me feel bad that I'm in the dark about this situation. I wanted to know everything that was happening with them but it looks like that wasn't what they wanted.
"Ne ne Hana-chan"
I looked back and saw Satsuki-chan running up towards me. Worry was etched all over her face and I can't help but be worried too. We were by the hallway near the teacher's office. I was about to ask her what the problem was when I felt someone tap by my shoulders. I looked the other way and saw Shu-senpai which made me surprised more.
"Senpai"
"You both look well"
Nijimura Shuzo senpai had left the team a few months ago, right before Kise and I had officially joined the team but I knew him because I also used to play basketball with him.
"It's been so long hasn't it Hana"
I smiled at him and nodded, I used to harbor a small crush on him because he was so dependable but of course those feelings were so small that they quickly turned into admiration. After a few conversations here and there, he bid both Satsuki and me goodbye which led me to look at the lass once again.
"So what were you going to tell me again?"
"Oohh that's right"
As if Satsuki had realized the gravity of the message that she wanted to send me, she frantically gripped in the sleeves of my school uniform and pointed in the direction of the gymnasium.
"Haizaki-kun is in the gym right now, he's arguing with Akashi-kun"
It wasn't the fact that Haizaki might run rampage in the gym that had me worried, he had been out of service for months not to say out of contact. I did try to talk to him about staying within the team but it wasn't what he wanted anymore. Rather it was the fact that Haizaki might have something to do with the guy's secret that they don't want me to know. And if it is then I need to know, I was partly responsible for Haizaki's retirement from the team and I haven't asked for his forgiveness about it yet.
I ran down the hallway and basically sprinted the distance between it and the gym. Even before I can reach the gym I could already hear them arguing. I stepped inside and saw Haizaki holding Sei-kun by the collar of his shirt. I was about to call him to stop when Sei-kun gripped on his arm and looked at Haizaki straight in the eyes.
"You are no longer needed here"
Chills ran down my spines as I take in Sei-kun's tone, it was dominating, less threatening but the power that it had was enough for me to shiver in fear.
"You are already useless, the team doesn't need you anymore. We are strong now because we don't have you"
Haizaki loosen his grip and was stunned, much as I was. I knew Sei-kun was someone who always spoke what was on his mind but I never would've thought he would be so harsh in delivering them. Haizaki then laughed maniacally, like he was about to lose his mind.
"So, the real you is out now huh? You had always been the goody-two-shoes and I knew there was something underneath the mask you wear. Me? Useless? So you would've thrown away everyone who is no longer useable for you huh?"
Sei-kun only stared down at him emotionless, it was over a little while when Haizaki turned about to leave did they both knew that I was there. The shock was evident in Sei-kun's expression, Haizaki however, had garnered enough strength to give Sei-kun an annoying grin.
"Sei-kun"
"Oh look, your girlfriend's here and she heard what you said. A little advice Hayazawa, keep being useful for this guy or he might throw you away too"
"Shut it Haizaki"
Rather than listening to Sei-kun, Haizaki walked towards me and closed our gap. He then leaned in and brought his lips near my ear to whisper something.
"Or maybe your body is useful enough for him, you know. Both in the bedroom and the court"
I felt frozen in my place, Sei-kun wasn't like that I mean he wouldn't just throw me away, not me. I should've refuted what Haizaki told me but there was something that had kept me frozen in place. It wasn't over a second when Sei-kun grabbed Haizaki's shirt and threw him out of the gym, away from where I was. He then looked at me with worry etched in his eyes and held my hand tightly and stepped forward so it was like he was hiding be behind his tall physique.
"I am only going to say this once Haizaki, stay away from Hanabi. If I so much see one strand of your hair near her again, I wouldn't know what I would've done to you"
It didn't take much for Haizaki to take off, but he didn't leave without saying anything. He sent a glare towards our direction.
"Be careful Hayazawa, Akashi might just throw you away sooner or later"
He then walked away from us until we couldn't see even his shadow. Sei-kun gripped both of my shoulders which made me look at him. He then glanced at my ear and tucked some of my loose hair strands behind my ear. After checking that there was nothing there, he let out a deep sigh and placed his head on my shoulder, his hands just around my waist. The action sent out an electrifying feeling throughout my body and I wasn't lying when I say that it made my heart beat fast. I cleared my throat in an attempt to drown out the invisible block that had formed on my throat.
"Sei-kun? What was that about"
He turned his head slightly before pulling me into an embrace. The action shocked me and I could feel his hot breath on my neck, his chest-beating fast, and the warmth of his hug. I hugged him back only to feel him tightening his embrace.
"Hanabi, promise me you will stay away from Haizaki no matter what happens"
"But..."
Sei-kun tightened his embrace and buried his head deeper in my neck. I couldn't say what the feeling was but I could feel his worries and fear. He was worried about me and as much as I liked the thought of him worrying about me, I don't want to burden him with the thought of it so I simply replied okay, and never asked anything.
I knew Haizaki was a violent man and he isn't discreet about it, he would slap even a girl so that must be what Sei-kun was worried about.
"Teiko Middle School won again"
" How can anyone even beat those monsters?"
"Right? They're undefeatable now"
"Satsuki-chan"
"Hmm?"
I felt Satsuki shift her gaze towards my direction but my attention was only with Daiki who was now standing mindlessly on the center of the court.
"Something's changed"
"What do you mean Hana-chan?"
I looked at Satsuki and felt my heart dropping several levels lower.
"Their gameplay had changed"
And that was only the start, one by one they started to change. Long gone was the team play that they had once had. As the days pass by, the guys attended fewer days of practice and on some days they would only play when I urge them to. The biggest change was with Sei-kun, how he was towards me never changed, he was still caring and kind but he wasn't like that with the guys anymore. If anything he let them go on what they wanted to do. He was letting them skip practice as long as they would win every game.
It scared me. It may not seem like it but there was no harmony inside the team anymore. Daiki even going to the lengths of telling Tetsu that he no longer needed his help. The team may not be falling apart from the outside because they would still win but it was from the inside. Whenever I try to talk with them, they would just say not to worry about it or shove the topic out.
The last straw was the game against Ogiwara-kun. I had left my place from the benches and walked straight to the team's room. As soon as I opened the door, a broken Tetsu-kun waltzed right out of it. I looked back and saw no remorse on their faces.
"Hanachii what's up? Did you know? Kurokochii's friend was in that team. I would've given it my all if I only knew"
"They're not worth it anyway"
"Oi Hana play with me a little, I didn't even break a sweat in that game"
Everything was different anymore, how they treat me was the same but I don't like this, the way they play, the way they play people isn't funny.
"I need to talk with Sei-kun"
It was then that they all fell silent. The rustling sound that Shin-kun made by standing up was the only thing that had followed next.
"Let's go, we'll wait for you by the bus"
There wasn't any objection with what Shin-kun had said and one-by-one they had left the room until it was only me and Sei-kun left. I looked at him and he only stared back at me.
"What was that about?"
"What was it about? You need to be clear Hanabi"
"That game Sei-kun, that was too harsh"
"I don't see anything wrong with that Hanabi, if anything they should've been grateful that they got a score of two digits against us"
"SEI-KUN!!"
Not realizing that I had risen my voice against him, Sei-kun looked at me with shock in his eyes. He then stood up and begun walking in my direction.
"You dare raise your voice with me Hanabi Hayazawa"
And right there I could feel myself trembling, Sei-kun took several steps towards me while I took a step back until my back was on the door. That was the thing that Sei-kun hated the most, he had never risen his voice with me, and yet I did that to him.
"It's fine, isn't it? They never had any chance against us anyway"
I could feel myself being speechless, I couldn't refute back at him especially not when he was staring at me emotionlessly. I looked down and bit my lower lip to bite down the impending tears. I was honestly scared. I couldn't even utter another word.
"We won Hanabi, what else do we need to do"
No one said you always need to win Sei-kun. What matters is...
"To play as a human"
"What?"
Garnering enough strength I looked at him straight in the eyes and muttered what I wanted to tell him.
"Everybody else called you a monster, and you had just proven them that they were right. Nobody asked you to win every single game, what matters is that you play with the team and remember to have fun while on the court, isn't that what matters the most?"
Sei-kun only stared at me before laughing. He laughed so loudly but he wasn't laughing because he was happy. He then leaned in closer to me and whispered the words that had broken my heart into a thousand pieces.
"You must be forgetting something Hanabi, if we're monsters then you're the same or maybe even worse after all no one can defeat you remember?"
It was then that I had realized, what Haizaki had told me came true. They changed, they had realized that they had gone stronger to the point that no one can even defeat them now. They only need themselves now, they no longer have any use for everyone around them. It was only a matter of time until they surpass me and I too will be left useless. Cast aside, thrown away. I looked at Sei-kun and there was no remorse or guilt left in him.
I balled my fist, he knew how I felt for him but he wasn't even lenient enough to consider it. I pushed Sei-kun away, slammed the door open, and ran out of the gymnasium. Outside the guys were waiting by the bus but I only ran past them. I could hear them screaming for my name calling me but I don't want to see them now. I was a fool for thinking that we could've stayed the same even after two-five years. Everything changes, that would include people too. It was then that I had realized that I was meeting my untimely demise.
The blinding headlights and the continuous honks of the speeding car. The voices behind me both of strangers and the people I knew. I need to step away but it was all too late. I couldn't remember anything after that.
When I had woken up, I was laid out flat in the hospital bed and I couldn't feel anything below my waist. I couldn't feel my legs and it frustrated the hell out of me. But what broke my heart, even more, was that the guys had continued playing their selfish basketball without even bothering on visiting me as I spend my days in the hospital. Those days and nights I cried myself to sleep until one day I realized why they haven't visited me yet.
I was no longer needed, the doctor did said that it would take years for me to be able to walk again. I can no longer play basketball. There's no one who can defeat them anymore. I was useless. I wanted to kill myself that day and I did tried to but my grandma and cousin found me before I could do so. I tried calling for them, but they never responded. I couldn't leave the hospital so I waited. I waited and waited until they will come for me and tell me those stories like how they used to but they never came.
I wanted someone to come.
I wanted Sei-kun to come and hug me.
But, my worst fear had come true. They really did throw me away and had forgotten that someone like me exists.
I was no longer needed and that fact was etched in my heart for years. I had been harboring these hard and painful feelings for years and right now I'm confused on whether I should let these feelings go and welcome them again or should I keep on hating them.
"Staying away for good sounds better though"