Malad was dreaming of a warm embrace. A pair of strong hands steadied her on the edge of a cliff. Until suddenly, their grip loosened, and she was falling... Falling down the cliff until all of a sudden, a dark furry face started sniffing on her shirt. She woke up to see the cutest little puppy with the most cheerful owner watching over her with confusion. "Rough night?" she asked. "Yes," Malad replied, while the events of the night dawned over her again. Her black eyes darkened further. The corners of her lips twitching faster than the dried leaves that swirled with a wishing-washing wind. The dog must have realised her pain because he tried to stretch up his paws as if to hug her and looked on with sorrow in his eyes.
"Well, that is unusual." his owner commented, "Mala, here, doesn't get along with anyone for many a day, let alone on first sight. What magic are you doing on him?"
"Don't know. I guess he just senses my pain and has no intention to add to it." Malad replied with a sad smile.
"What do you say you sleep at my comfortable bed instead of this hard rock tonight?" The owner offered.
"I would say that is a very generous offer, but I have something to take care of first." Malad replied.
The owner's only answer was an understanding nod before she moved on with her dog in her hand.
Malad called after her, "Hey, I didn't catch your name!"
"That's because you didn't ask it." she shouted back. "It's Rihanna."
"And I'm Malad." she returned the courtesy.
Malad knew what she had to do. Find the tickets, look at the patterns of hotel rooms, check the photos of the tickets she took on the airport, and search up every inch of this world for Amdo's presence. Just as the plan was forming in her mind, a howling wave of wind stole all the tickets from her hand and dispersed them onto the floor. On the top of the newly formed heap was the shameful letter she received last night. She could not bring herself to look at it again, but she had to pick up the tickets. The accursed corners of her eyes, however, managed to glimpse at the very last words he signed off with, "Do not try to find me. It will be no use."
Malad agreed. She understood why he would have to leave her and why she could not give him what he wanted. That did not stop her heart from breaking. It did not stop her from speculating the what ifs. What if she wasn't the weak feeble woman she believed had turned out to be? What if she knew as much about travelling as he did? If she wasn't travel sick...
Maybe there was a cure, some medicine, some advice, some practice she could follow to overcome it? Would he want her if she was successful? Why were there conditions to him wanting her? Isn't love supposed to be unconditional? It sure as hell didn't seem so in this case. And that is when it dawned on her. Maybe he did not love her after all.
The sorrow turned to rage. Worries turned to grudges. With a smudged mascara and a scowl on her face, the gentle soul of that tarnished girl was scarcely discernible.
Her heavy footsteps echoed through the streets as she marched along, pedestrians fleeing out of her way to avoid being trampled under her pernicious fury.
It was not long before the streets turned into taxis, which turned into airports until finally she could see the familiar streets of back home. She had hardly slumped one bag on the floor when she started packing another. And another. And another. When her sister asked, rightly concerned, her only reply was, "I have to prove to myself that I'm good enough." And saying so, she packed and packed and packed, her clothes, her jewellery , her jackets, her undies , her brushes, her money, her wallet, her phone, until the whole room was bare, completely empty but for the bags. Despite her mother's trying to stop her, grabbing her shoulder, even shaking her to wake her up. "At least tell me where you are going!" she cried. "To travel." was Malad's only reply before she left. Only ever to return to drop a bag and pick up another.